Chadwick Pool

Our family enjoyed our final afternoon at Chadwick Pool. I'm really going to miss the relaxing atmosphere and camaraderie.






















Liliana prepares to jump off the diving board.























Our sweet swimmer slides into the water.























Mommy lifts Liliana into the air for a plane ride.

Morning at our Home

This morning, Liliana brought her bedding downstairs, added some "friends" and pretended to sleep. How one sleeps with their eyes open and a big grin, I don't know!

Before posing with her sweet smile, Liliana showed off her cranky side and favorite jammies, which she affectionately calls "tootsies."

O Child, Where Art Thou?!

With each passing day, my heart is filled with a greater desire to adopt a child. I still yearn for another biological son or daughter, but I am no longer wrapped up in my stuggle with infertility. I know that God has the ability to bless us with another miraculous child in His perfect timing. With that knowledge, I plan to prepare my body and pray that He grants us a natural pregnancy.

In the meantime, Wade and I continue to research adoption. We are certain that little ones are missing from our family, and it is quite possible that one may come to us through the gift of adoption. There is no doubt that loving an orphaned child is an admirable life-long ministry. Now we are prayerfully considering whether it is the right choice for us at this time in our lives. Should we choose to move forward, utilizing an adoption agency would be a wise, but financially challenging undertaking. We have so much to think about! Please pray that the Lord will guide us and provide accordingly.

Thanks a million to those who have offered information and encouragement. We sincerely appreciate it!

Blessings, Ramona

Considering Adoption

Wade and I attended an adoption meeting Monday night. At this point, we've collected information from Bethany Christian Services and Children's Hope International. We are primarily interested in domestic adoption, but we're open to all possibilities. If you have information that would be helpful to us, please pass it along!

Blessings,
Ramona

Slow Motion

Relaxing on a pedal boat at Lake of the Ozarks. Liliana "steered" while mommy and daddy pedaled their patooties off. We had such a terrific time that Liliana has asked to go to the lake house at least 5 times.

More Fun at the Lake

More photos from the lake: Liliana's first jet ski experience, the guys preparing to rip up the water, and roasted marshmallows at bedtime...

The Lake House

We just returned from a wonderful mini-vacation at the Lake of the Ozarks. For three days, we relaxed with friends and enjoyed a beautiful lake house & local attractions.

Liliana had a ball playing in the sand, riding jet skis, tubing, swimming in the hot/cold tub, roasting marshmallows, eating ice cream (before streaking everyone in the parlor) and inventing fun with Stuart, Cole and Carter. She also spent hours playing with cards and an automatic card shuffler. Leave it to a toddler to find extraordinary enjoyment in such an ordinary thing.

Wade and I shared Liliana's enthusiasm about the beach and water activities. We also delighted in double-decker pizza, Oreo dentistry, little Frankensteins, red-light/green light, the outlet mall, great naps and spending time with four amazing kiddos.

One of our fondest memories was staying up into the wee hours of the night with Kate and Dave. As parents, it's rare to have the opportunity to talk and watch movies with friends (especially three nights in a row). We felt like teengers! The four of us shared life stories, testimonies and very tender moments. We laughed; we cried. It was much better than Cats. (Hopefully someone will get that reference.)

I honestly can't imagine a better two-family vacation. The kids were fabulous together, and the adults behaved themselves, too. How often does that happen?! Our only unexpected and uninvited situation was creepy and crawly. I didn't mind the plastic critters placed in my bed by a sneaky young boy (starts with a "C" and ends with an "arter"), but I was not fond of the scorpions.

Being a Scorpio girl, I tried to make peace with the stinging sand insects...but when they began creeping into the family room, the bedroom and my swimsuit, I started taking issue. Last night, Wade and I had scorpion-instilled insomnia (after finding two of them just before bed). He proposed keeping the light on and sleeping in one-hour shifts, and I proposed that he keep watch while I slept. We eventually settled for dozing in the light of the video, Witness (in hopes that the light would keep them off of our bed). Instead of falling asleep, I ended up watching the movie!

All critters aside, we thoroughly enjoyed our stay at the lake, and our laughter far outweighed our tears and fears. In fact, we had so much fun that we all decided to stay an extra day. Who says Type A's can't be spontaneous?!

Thanks to the Snodgrass family for magical memories. And hats off to the Loewes for a lovely home away from home. We will treasure our lake experience forever.

When Talk Therapy Doesn't Work

Taking your child for a drive can be very therapeutic, don't you think?

Okay, obviously this is a doctored photo, but it sure is hilarious. As a family therapist, I would never condone doing this to a child. Instead, just show little Johnny this picture when he misbehaves. Surely it will deter him from becoming a repeat offender.

Just a little humor to brighten your day.

Blessings, Ramona

Point Your Eyes to the Skies

Today Liliana awoke from her nap and called for me. When I opened her door, she jumped up and down on her bed and said, "Mama, we need to pack our bags." Surprised by her how-do-you-do, I asked "Are we going somewhere?" With enthusiasm, she shouted, "Let's go to Grammy Joy's!" Oh, the things children say! I guess the child was dreaming about Madison.

After a weekend of relaxing and pointing my eyes toward the skies, it's clear to me that God is preparing us for better days. I don't know exactly what He has in store for our lives, but I have a feeling it's going to be grand. So for now, I will enjoy today's blessings and look forward to what is to come.

It's usually through our hard times, the unexpected and not-according-to-plan times, that we experience God in more intimate ways. We discover an unquenchable longing to know Him more. It's a passion that isn't concerned that life fall within certain predictable lines, but a passion that pursues God and knows He is relentless in His pursuit of each one of us.

In response to all He has done for us, let us outdo each other in being helpful and kind to each other...and in doing good. ~Hebrew 10:24

Blessings, Ramona

God's Work of Art

Each one of us is God's special work of art. Through us, He teaches and inspires, delights and encourages, informs and uplifts all those who view our lives. ~Joni Eareckson Tada

If my story informs or inspires one person, I'll be delighted. Thank you for continuing to be a part of our lives through this journey.

May you be blessed, Ramona

Funky Friday

I've been in a funk lately. I guess that's why I haven't written the past few days. It takes too much energy to think, let alone write. Not only is my energy level in the tank, but so is my interest level. Today I stayed in my PJs 'til 10:30am. Normally, I walk at least a mile and do a fair amount of housework by that time.

I toss and turn all night, and I feel like sleeping all day. If it weren't for events already on the calendar, I don't know if I would have done anything this week. I know it's just grief rearing its annoying head in unexpected ways, but I'm having a difficult time snapping out of it. I suspect that part of the issue is the fact that there's been no closure with my Gram's death. She did not want a funeral, so we're going to have a memorial (of sorts) at some point this year. It's hard to move on while waiting for a tangible event to commemorate her life.

The other aspect at play here is being in limbo with plans for future children. All along, I've been in the midst of treatment, looking forward to a certain date for IUI, IVF, etc. Now we're just researching and waiting for God's timing...and we're not doing anything. I need to do something, or at least know which direction we're heading.

This is a difficult process, and it's confounded by multiple losses. You'd think I'd be a pro at handling grief by now. Although I am getting used to the feeling, it's not getting any easier. Please pray for us...that we will know the Lord's will and that our hearts will be ready for His call.

I'm praying for peace, contentment and the desire to get out of bed. Blessings, Ramona

Liliana-isms

Liliana is into stickers...big time. In the past few months, she has carefully placed at least 5,ooo stickers on paper, coloring books, cardboard boxes and herself (as illustrated here).

Today, my sweet girl asked me, "Mama, do you love me?" Without hesitating, I replied: "So much that it hurts sometimes." After hearing my answer, Liliana stroked my arm and said, "You can feel better now, Mommy."

Oh, how I love this girl!!!!

Family Weekend

We just returned from Madison, where we spent the weekend with my mom and brother. Since there was no funeral service for my grandma in Michigan, I felt that it was important to be with family. Although it was a lot of driving for one weekend, it was a good choice.

Mom and I went through drawers of photos and found some incredible pictures of my grandparents. I'm working on a special project to commemorate their lives. I'm so excited to see the finished product.

Pictured here: Liliana entertains cousin Clayton and Grammy Joy with her favorite game, "Where's Liliana?"

Blessings, Ramona

Little Helpers

Liliana and cousin Clayton wash dishes with Grammy Joy in Indiana. Liliana says: "Thanks for my new dresses and jammies, Grammy!"

Madison Highlights: We enjoyed seeing Mom, Russ, Shawna, Luke and Clayton. Mom and I had a joyous Big Lots and Goodwill experience. Liliana played with her cousins & Grammy's wonderful toys. Wade played some serious cornhole (cornpone, as Big Joy says) and won 25 bucks.

Here's to down-home fun. ~Ramona

A Time to Give

One of the most difficult aspects of this journey has been our inability to give to others in the way we so desire. Wade and I are givers, and we enjoy lifting others up in every possible way. With the heavy emotional, physical and financial burdens of infertility, all of our resources have been depleted for quite some time. As a result, we've been on the receiving end much more than we anticipated. We never imagined we'd go through every single treatment in the book and have only losses to show for it. Now that we are in "limbo"--waiting for God's call, we once again have the time and energy to give of our hearts and resources.

Earlier this week, I began sending cards and letters to friends and loved ones. Although it's not much, it's a step in the right direction. It feels so good to be on this end--praying, loving and giving. Of course, our process of grieving continues, especially with the recent death of my Gram. Our heartfelt thanks to those who have supported us in such thoughtful ways. Our appreciation for lovely cards and emails, to Stacy for a beautiful hand-made bracelet, thanks to the Wichts for their generous gift, and thanks to the Memmelaars for the thoughtful Parade Rose.

We are so fortunate to have such loving neighbors, friends and family.
May you all be richly blessed. ~Ramona

Family Matters

THE JORDAN FAMILY















Here is our largest family gathering at Grandma's house (Gram is in the middle of the group, wearing pink).

Every year of my life, minus one, I have spent the Christmas holiday at Gramcracker's house. All of my aunts, uncles, cousins, and our immediate family gather on Christmas eve for a giving game at Aunt Jules' house. Then, early Christmas morning, Mom, my siblings and I open our stockings at Grams before the crowd arrives for Mary's goodies, gift opening, and Turkey & fixins.

I don't know what will happen this Christmas. It won't be the same without Gram. And because she did not wish to have a viewing or a funeral service, we are all left to grieve separately, and in our own way. It is my hope that the family comes together to celebrate Gram's life in the near future. Even if she didn't want any "fuss," we need to do something to collectively remember her--to facilitate a healthy grief process and closure--for our own hearts.

Praying for strength, healing and family time during this time of loss. ~Ramona

Remembering Gramcracker

When I was little, Grandma told vivid tales about gnomes, elves and fairies that lived on Jordan Lane. I believed every word. I was constantly on the lookout for the flutter of a wing or a flash of a little red hat. I don't know when I stopped believing the stories, but I certainly never grew tired of hearing them.

Gram was a talented artist. She often sketched elaborate pictures of wildlife and English gardens on the envelopes of her letters. I was always careful to preserve the scenes while opening their contents. I treasured her correspondence. In fact, several of her cards and letters are lying in my lap as I write.

Grandma loved to sing the classics. Alice Blue Gown. Cottage for Sale. When I learned that she recorded an album, I persuaded her to let me listen. Upon realizing how much I loved her voice, she gave me a copy. As soon as word got out, my "Barbara Jordan Collection" became the hottest commodity in the family. I made at least a dozen copies for aunts, uncles and cousins in the months that followed.

About fifteen years ago, I affectionately began calling her Gramcracker...and, much to my surprise, she embraced the silly nickname. From that point on, she signed her cards and notes with drawings of little half-eaten graham crackers. I addressed her cards in the same fashion, making sure that my pictures were worthy enough to grace her coffee table.

The first time Wade met Gramcracker, she was in one of her funny late-night moods. Somehow the topic of exercise came up, and she told us that she could put her foot behind her head. We knew she must be joking. After all, she was 80 years old. Before we could utter a word, Gram reached down and pulled her leg up in front of her, wrapped it around her neck and wiggled her foot. Oh, how we laughed at her antics that night!

On other occasions, we roared about a "Love Sotry" made in China, the traveling coconut, George Bush-in-the-Box, Randy's "Pig, Hog, Sow"and the barking and sniffing dog socks she gave me. Gram delighted applauding my funny fashion shows and telling me stories of days long ago.

A couple years ago, I stayed with Gramcracker for a few days. It was just the two of us in her lovely "cottage." We stayed up late chatting and eating giant bowls of ice cream. One evening, she shared pages and pages of her private poetry. We talked about her dreams, her heartbreaks and the loves of her life. I never felt so close to her as during those precious moments.

Gram was an original. She knew something about everything, and could take anyone in a game of Scrabble or Trivial Pursuit. She loved old movies, historical figures and God's creation. Gram was graceful, humble and truly beautiful. I will miss her dearly.

A little dream castle, with every dream gone
Is lonely and silent; the shades are all drawn
And my heart is heavy as I gaze upon
A cottage for sale.

The lawn we were proud of is waving in hay;
A beautiful garden has withered away
Where you planted roses, the weeds seem to say:
A cottage for sale.

From every single window, I see your face;
But when I reach the window, there’s empty space.
The key’s in the mailbox, the same as before
But no one is waiting for me anymore
The end of our story is there on the door:
A cottage for sale.

I love you, Gram. ~Ramona

Goodbye Gram

My Gramcracker passed away this evening. Even though we knew she was reaching the end of her life, I was not ready for this heartache. I guess we are never truly prepared for the profound sadness evoked by the death of our dearly beloved.

I adored my Gram, and I always desired to know her more deeply. We shared a passion for the arts, particularly writing, drawing and singing. She always taught me to appreciate nature and embrace creativity. Grandma was a unique, imaginative, talented and extremely intelligent woman.

Not only am I remembering and missing my Gram, but I am also reeling from a related experience. The evening has been surreal.

Just before I received the news, Liliana and I were enjoying our "Girls' night out" dinner. All of the sudden, my appetite vanished and my heart began beating irregularly. I put my hand on my chest and felt the palpitations through my shirt. I became lightheaded and woozy, as if I were going to faint. The next moment, my odd symptoms disappeared, leaving me with an unusual sensation. The episode was so strange that I intentionally checked my phone to observe the time--in case it should be important for some reason. About ten minutes later, Mom called and said, "Your grandma is watching over you now."

I don't know what happened just before that phone call, but it's like I felt her somehow. I'm not into the paranormal, but I don't believe in coincidence, either. I don't know exactly how to explain it, but I know there was a connection.

Pictured above~Four generations of Jordan girls: Liliana, Mona, Gram and Mom.

A Ray of Light

Today we had an opportunity to have lunch with my BFF, Cindy, in Alton. She came in from Maine to see her family for a few days. Spending time with her was a bright ray of light in the midst of our otherwise very dreary day.

In addition to coping with the failure of our fertility treatment, we are dealing with the impending loss of my grandma. And to make matters worse, my unreliable car broke down again, leaving Liliana and me stranded on the highway in almost 100 degree weather. As usual, when it rains...it pours!

It is times like this when I want to look skyward and scream, "Why, Lord, why!?" For the life of me, I don't understand why God allows so much grief and disappointment in the lives of the faithful. And as quickly as the tears begin to flow, my thoughts turn to the big picture and the suffering of my Savior. I know that the troubles of this world are temporary...and life's difficulties build my character and my faith. By God's grace, I will weather this storm and the many that lie ahead.

Fortunately, His grace is great enough to meet the great things--the crashing waves that overwhelm the soul, the roaring winds that leave us stunned and breathless, the sudden storms beyond our life's control. -Annie Johnson Flint

Praying for sunshine and sufficient grace, Ramona

Liliana's New Pets

Liliana received a special surprise when Mommy and Daddy returned home from Six Flags last night. Here she is hugging her giant Akita and her bright blue snake that she affectionately named "Snakey." Daddy won both of these critters at the amusement park. She has been so excited about the dog that she hugs it and rolls around with it on the floor. You'd think we brought home a real pet.

Loony Tunes

I don't know what it is--animals just seem to flock to me (pun totally intended). All three of the characters above are Loony Tunes. If you've been following my journal, you know that's the truth!

Wade and I went to Six Flags this evening for a wild and wacky adventure. Not only did we meet Bugs and Foghorn Leghorn, but we also rode the Batman coaster three times back-to-back and took in a concert (you might have noticed the small mention about that in my previous posts).

We were both struck by the fact that we're really getting older. After a few rides, we completely lost interest in the roller coasters. Either a) we were total exhausted by a long, hot day or b) the thrill and excitement of amusement park rides has diminished in our old age. I think answer "b" is the correct. When our evening came to a close, we practically flew home to be with Liliana. For us, family is where we find our greatest delight.

In a Flash

Anyone in need of a superhero in spandex? Flash Gordon must have mistaken me for Dale Arden in his quest to fight Ming the Merciless and save the world. (Don't get excited, sci-fi fanclub. I'm no Flash fanatic--I found the details on the web.)

Every day holds the possibility of a miracle.

Nothing is impossible with God. ~Luke 1:37

Blessings, Ramona

McPheever!

Yes, I've got the McPheever! I caught it during the 2006 season of American Idol, and I never found a cure. It's ridiculous, I know...but the girl's got serious pipes. I've never heard anything like it. It doesn't hurt that she's drop-dead gorgeous, either. What she's doing on stage at Six Flags in 95 degree heat, I'll never know. She belongs in the big-time.

By the way, Wade and I were VIPs for the evening. We sat 3rd row, center aisle. This photo looks professional, doesn't it? It pays to buy four bags of Starburst at five bucks a pop. Apparently, that's how easily one rises to VIP status in Eureka, Missouri!

34 going on 14

Yes, I'm practically a stalker now. At least I didn't chase her after the show (like I chased Troy Aikman in 1992--but that's a whole other story) and confess that I voted for her 50 times after each AI episode. I was totally composed. I screamed and cried like Miss America, but I didn't chase her. I'm 34 going on 14 sometimes.

It seems like I now have almost as many photos of Katharine McPhee as I do of my own daughter. Only kidding. My own personal challenge was to capture high quality photos, rather than the dark, blurry concert pics you typically see. So, I took a lot! I'm happy with how they turned out, but I might have to photo-shop myelf into one of them. What I wouldn't give to sing like that. I'd be on the stage in a heartbeat.

Over the Top

Okay, I know this definitely falls in the category of "overboard," but they are just too beautiful to sit on my hard drive for nobody to see. Wade told me that three pictures would suffice, but I had to push the limit. Here's Kat singing "Over the Rainbow." My personal favorite! Reproduction of these images is strictly prohibited without the the express written consent of the owner. (I've always wanted to say that!)

Sweet Smile

Today Liliana experienced Six Flags and Hurricane Harbor for the very first time. She really enjoyed the rides in the Bugs Bunny & Friends area. Here she is peeking out of a train ride.

That sweet smile just melts my heart. Wade and I are so blessed that she is a part of our family. I don't know what we would do without her!

Are We Having Fun Yet?

Houston, we have a problem! Despite what it looks like, Liliana is not trying to abort mission. This is her very annoyed "Cheeeeeeese," which occurs regularly when she believes we've taken enough pictures.

For the life of me, I can't understand why she thinks we take a lot of photos. She has only been in the crosshairs of the camera a few thousand times since she was born!

In Flight

Liliana waves to her adoring fans as she single-handedly pilots the Bugs Bunny plane. The temperature was so high this morning that she practically had the kiddie rides to herself. The rest of the guests were cooling off in Hurricane Harbor.

After six or seven rides in the scorching heat, we came to our senses and joined the masses in the water park.

Friendship

A friend is one who joyfully sings with you when you are on the mountain top, and silently walks beside you through the valley. ~William A. Ward

Thank you for your steadfast support through this journey. It is the love of friends and family that continues to lift us up as we face this challenge and the obstacles that lie ahead. We are truly blessed.

Resting in His promises, Ramona

Weathering the Storm

This has been a tough Tuesday. Wade's parents left for Mississippi this morning, leaving us alone with our day-to-day life and the stark reality that our attempts to expand our family have once again failed.

All day, I've been feeling like someone I dearly love has died. And when I examine the situation, I realize that not only am I dealing with the loss of two beloved children, but I am also grieving the death of a desire. My plans have been shattered so many times that I wonder if our dream for a large family will ever come true. Yet, somehow I still have hope...and hope is a very powerful thing.

Wade and I agree that our family is not complete. We know that someone is missing...that there's another child who belongs in our home. Unfortunately, we have no idea who this precious one is. Will we have a miraculous pregnancy when we least expect it? Or will our missing child be put up for adoption by another family? Right now, all we can do is research our options and pray for the Lord's guidance as we continue to walk through this refining fire.

This loss has created yet another opportunity for me to search my heart and mind, and to test my priorities. As I dig down deep, I find more strength and perseverance than I knew I had. And I realize that what matters more to me than almost everything on earth is loving my family. Without a doubt, my strength and my desire come directly from Almighty God. He is bringing me through this storm with grace I never imagined.

Thanks be to God for joy in the midst of pain. Blessings, Ramona

Sweetly Broken

It is another day of heartache for our family. My pregnancy test was negative, and we are now grieving the loss of two more unborn children. Upon learning of this great disappointment, the entire family shared a tearful group hug in the living room of our home. And since then, Wade and I continue to shed tears and share tender moments with Liliana, our parents and loved ones.

As we come to terms with the fact that we will not know these precious children on earth, we are comforted by the knowledge that we will one day be with them in heaven. God is holding us in the palm of His hands right now, covering our open wounds with the sweet balm of peace and hope for the future. As Psalm 34:18 assures us, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

My heart is aching, but underneath this heaviness, I am aware that the pain of this world is necessary. If it weren't for heartbreak in our lives, we would never long for something better--and we'd never recognize the need for a redeemer to secure that perfect place in heaven. As Henry Ward Beecher put it: "God washes the eyes by tears until they can behold the invisible land where tears shall come no more."

I know that God is good and that His timing is perfect...even though I certainly don't understand it. I am thankful that He cares about every detail of my life and has something even better in store for me. As God's word prescribes in 1 Thessalonians 5:18, "Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

So, today I grieve what is not to be and I give thanks for what is yet to come.

Please click the following links to hear the music of my heart.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElISFieaukc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GE1_l6bGBoI

Thank you so much for your prayers and kind words throughout the past months. We are humbled and forever grateful. Resting in His promises, Ramona

Pins and Needles

I'm still waiting for the results of my blood test, and I'm a wreck! The lab is supposed to send the results to the doctor's office within two hours, and it's now approaching three. I've called Dr. Silber twice with shaking hands and a knotted stomach, just to hear, "The results aren't in yet." Agony!

Please pray for a positive test result and a healthy baby! ~Ramona

Praying for a Miracle

The countdown is almost over. Tomorrow morning is my long-awaited beta hCG blood test. I have to be honest: I do not have a good feeling about my chances. Not only have my symptoms decreased significantly, but I also had a negative home pregnancy test this morning (yes, the waiting got the best of me).

It is possible that the test result was a false-negative...basically, it could be too soon to tell. But the hard truth of the matter is that the test may have been completely accurate. We'll know for sure tomorrow. I'm still holding out a little hope, but I'm not holding my breath.

Praying for a miracle, Ramona

Benchwarmers

Here's Liliana with friends Elizabeth, Carter, Cole, Stuart and Katherine at Powder Valley Nature Center, where we enjoyed the exhibits and nature trails. At the end of our outing, a beautiful doe crossed our path and ran into the woods. What good, clean fun!

Cautiously Optimistic

It's been a tight race, folks, but optimism finally pulls ahead of caution and takes the lead! For the past couple of days, I have been experiencing waves of nausea, coupled with heartburn and breast tenderness. What others might label ailments, I call, "Yeah, baby!"

I am very encouraged and hopeful that my body is displaying signs of pregnancy. However, I must continue to remain somewhat guarded, because I know it's possible to wish these symptoms into reality. After my April IVF, I had nausea for a week, and I wasn't pregnant. The mind is a very powerful thing.

Praying for a real, healthy pregnancy! ~Ramona

My Wish

It's true, it's true! I adore my child, and I take pictures of her almost every day. The poor girl will eventually be blinded by the number of flashes that come her way. Here she is as "The One and Only Princess Liliana." When I look at her, I just know she is destined for greatness. She's a dynamo, and with God, she'll achieve anything her heart desires.

Tonight I heard a song that moved me. Its lyrics compelled me to reminisce about the past and weep for a future that is yet to come. The song is "My Wish" by Rascal Flatts. Here are the lyrics. I encourage you to click on the link that follows, so you can hear it for yourself.


My Wish

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.

And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' til you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,
But more than anything, more than anything,

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but you never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.
But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xz32I_GbpeU

I hope you know somebody loves you.
May all your dreams stay big. ~Ramona

Ups and Downs

I've been struggling with musculoskeletal problems since college, when springboard diving finally took it's toll on my back. Later, two motor vehicle accidents (neither my fault!) rocked my already injured body and ensured lifelong ups and downs on the pain scale. Yesterday and today have been two of the tougher days. My head, shoulders and neck have been aching, to the point that survival has been my primary goal.

This morning, I spent several hours on the sofa, battling a massive migraine. I could barely function, even with earplugs muffling the sound and a blanket blocking the light. All I could do was listen to Liliana as she played with blocks and stickers. My pain was almost unbearable, and made worse by the fact that I couldn't interact with my baby at all. So frustrating. What I wouldn't give to be trade this 34-year-old body in for a newer model!

On a positive note, I am feeling much better right now. Additionally, I have experienced some nausea, heartburn and soreness that could be attributed to pregnancy. However, the nausea could also be associated with the headaches, and the other symptoms are nothing to get excited about. With seven days to go, I remain cautiously optimistic. The days continue to crawl by, and I wait and hope...and pray, pray, pray for the desires of our hearts.

Blessings, Ramona

Candid Camera

Here's what Liliana was doing yesterday afternoon as I made dinner. Talk about getting caught with your pants down! Liliana sits and reads Parenting magazine while (in her words) "pretending to tinkle." Although it seems that diapers are going to die hard, my soon-to-be three-year-old is finally getting used to the idea of a big girl potty.


Note: No children were undressed in the making of this photo. Diaper and bodysuit are fully intact.

Waiting

Other than a sore, knotted backside (due to hefty progesterone shots), I haven't experienced any significant changes since the FET. I've had a few tinges of pain in my abdomen each day...but nothing major. Every day, I wake up hoping for nausea and a sore chest, but no such luck. When I was pregnant with Liliana, I didn't experience morning sickness until 5 weeks. With the rest of my pregnancies, nausea came very early.

Once again, the two-week wait seems endless. My beta hCG test is scheduled for Monday, July 30th. We're praying for a double pregnancy!

Have a great weekend! ~Ramona

Blessings All Around

Thank the Lord for answered prayer on every front! First, our FET went smoothly. Both embryos survived the thawing process and looked good. Praise the Lord! The transfer was a little more uncomfortable than previous procedures, but there were no complications. God willing, the embryos will implant within the next few days. Now I must assume I'm pregnant and act accordingly. Goodbye caffeine, hello calcium!

Second, we are living in a cool home, thanks to Mr. late night A/C repair man. What a relief! Under normal circumstances, we would have been able to tough out a week or two with no air (after all, we survived 10 days of post-Katrina hardship in Mississippi). But we have a great deal riding on this procedure, so we opted for immediate comfort. Looks like our 20-year-old A/C unit has exhausted it's 14-year life expectancy. Ahhh, the fun of being a homeowner.

Next, Liliana's health is steadily improving. She is sleeping through the night, although she cried for me once last night because her stuffed monkey was sticky (very serious stuff for a toddler). Liliana's cough is finally breaking up and subsiding, thanks to Mucinex for kids. Pretty soon, she'll be back at Chadwick, showcasing her swimming skills for Grammy and Grandfather.

And finally, my Gramcracker seems to be rallying. It may be temporary, but things were looking up today. Although we're happy to see improvement, we're cautiously optimistic about her health. Things can change so quickly at this stage of the game.

All in all, it's been a terrific day. My bedrest continues through tomorrow, and my three guardians are making sure that I don't encounter anything stressful or strenuous. As much as I love my naps, I'm not cut out to lie in bed all day. I'm ready for the pool!

Hope your day is blessed, Ramona

Praying with Great Expectation

Please pray for a successful Frozen Embryo Transfer and a healthy pregnancy!

We're just 10 hours away from our FET at St. Luke's Hospital. I should be sleeping, but our AC went on the blink and our home is 85 degrees! Sweet Liliana finally fell asleep around 10:00pm (two hours after bedtime), and the rest of us are making the best of our two-story sauna. The after-hours repair guy just arrived. Hopefully, he'll get us chillin' without having to order parts or slap us with an astronomical expense.

As if life wasn't complicated enough, the AC goes out. Am I on Candid Camera? Here we are on the cusp of an important medical procedure, one that has taken months of painstaking preparation. I have huge doses of progesterone and estrogen rushing through my veins and orders to relax and avoid stressful situations. Yet, here we are with tropical temperatures, an ailing child and a dying loved one. With such stress, rest and relaxation aren't exactly easy to come by.

Thankfully, I know that God is totally in control of every detail. He knows what's going on, and He's cares about our situation. Praise the Lord for that! I honestly don't know what I would do without faith. Because of God's promises, I am able to experience inner peace and joy regardless of my circumstances. That's an incredible thing.

If you feel compelled to lift us up in prayer, please don't hesitate! My FET is scheduled for Tuesday at 9:15am. We have two embryos that must survive the thawing process and successfully implant in order for a pregnancy to occur. Following the transfer, I will be resting at home for a couple of days. God willing, I will be pregnant with a healthy child...or two. Thank you for praying boldly and with great expectation!

The possibilities of prayer run parallel with the promises of God. Prayer opens an outlet for the promises...and secures their precious ends. E. M. Bounds

May the Lord continually bless you with heaven's blessings as well as with human joys. Psalm 128:5

Much love! ~Ramona

Bittersweet Days

I haven't said much about our upcoming Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET), because I've been trying to focus my thoughts on life's little joys instead of the daunting procedure ahead. With plenty of exciting activities on our calendar the past few weeks, it's been fairly easy to keep my mind occupied. But now I can't help but contemplate the road ahead. We're less than 72 hours away from my hospital visit, and the preparations are in full swing.

With the big event drawing near, my emotions have been running the spectrum. Although I am hopeful that the FET will lead to a pregnancy, I am also afraid of a negative outcome. Since this is our last assisted reproductive procedure, there is more riding on it than ever before. In addition, I am supposed to be stress free--both before and after the procedure. Apparently Murphy's Laws are in full effect, because our life has been anything but relaxing the past few days.

Liliana has been sick since Tuesday evening, and she has been miserable. Her coughing bouts were so severe last night that I was in her room every 15 minutes. No exaggeration. I tried bringing her into bed with me, but she had even more trouble sleeping in our room. We pray that tonight will be much better. Caring for a sick child is both emotionally and physically draining.

Even worse, my mom called me Thursday afternoon with the sad news that my Gramcracker is dying. It seems that she has no more desire to fight. According to the hospice nurse, Gram has less than a week to live. Mom is in Michigan with her right now, and things continue to go down hill. Please pray for my family as we try to celebrate her life while grieving her final days. Losing a loved one is difficult on so many levels.

On a positive note, Wade's parents have arrived in St. Louis. Once again, they have graciously accepted the role of caring for Liliana during my hospital stay and recuperation. What a blessing they have been throughout our fertility treatments!

Praying for healing, peace, sleep and babies. ~Ramona

Thank Heaven for Little Girls

Princess Liliana steals the show in our play room today. Even when she's not feeling good, she spreads sunshine everywhere she goes.

During the past month, playing dress-up has risen to a whole new level. Liliana now feels the need to put on every piece of clothing available. In this photo, she has on two tops and four skirts. I guess layers are in!

As I was helping her put on the final touches, I said, "Look at you! You're beautiful." Her reply: "Mommy, I'm gorgeous!"

Having a little girl is even more wonderful than I imagined, especially with this little girl. God gave me the perfect child. She's not perfect, but she's perfect for me.

Kids on the Block

I've been known to rave about our close-knit community...for good reason. Here's a little taste of what it's like to live in our subdivision. Captured in this photo are a dozen neighbor kids (including big-kid, Steve) riding through the streets in a trailer one Saturday evening. Thanks to Rick for driving and providing my daughter with this oh-so-safe and classy experience. It's a memory we'll all treasure.

As Stacy and I always say, "See ya on the block!" ~Ramona
















Note: No children were harmed in the making of this photo. The vehicle was not in motion when the picture was taken.

Counting Down

Just one week to go! Our Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) is next Tuesday, and the preparations continue. I've been loading up on estrogen every day, along with Lupron to suppress my hormones and Folgard & Natelle to boost my vitamin & enzyme levels.

Yesterday's ultrasound yielded a positive result: 9 mm uterine lining (anything above 8 mm is good). My lab results showed that my hormone levels are right on track. So, all in all, things are looking good for the big dance.

This is it...our final fertility treatment. We're praying that God blesses us with twins through this procedure. Thanks for being here with us!

May you be richly blessed, Ramona

Reunited

Here I am with Katie, Kara and Beth on Saturday night during the annual 4th of July reunion. Every year, a group of cherished MCHS pals convenes in Madison for the weekend. We enjoyed a family pool party, Regatta on the river and a night out at the Broadway.

Guy Time

Wade, Dan, Jim and Mike at the Broadway Tavern in Madison.

Friends

Liliana in Madison with new friends Dawson, Carter, Leah and Drew.

Sevens are Wild!

Happy 7/7/7! What a cool date. I bet this day goes down in history for having the most weddings ever. Lucky sevens appeal to most people, superstitious or not.

Have a great weekend! Ramona

Everyone Loves a Parade

What's Independence Day without a hometown parade? Here we are in Webster Groves, Missouri on the 4th of July. This was Liliana's first parade since Mardi Gras. Let's just say there was more than a slight difference.

We particularly enjoyed the funny clowns and flying candy. Go figure.

Hope you enjoyed your holiday! Ramona

Pageant Winners

Wade and I show off our pageant wave at the Webster Groves parade. Elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist, wrist. That's the way the beauty queens do it (so I've heard).

Clowning Around on the 4th

This morning, we took in the Webster Groves parade with our pals, the Snodgrass family. Kate and I had fun clowning around while the kiddos and hubbies collected candy.

After the very hot morning, we all dashed to the pool to cool off. Apparently, our idea wasn't very original. Chadwick was packed with families in need of refreshment. Quite a few of our friends and neighbors were there, so it turned into one big 4th of July party!

Watching Intently

For the first few moments, Liliana was mesmerized by the colorful explosions in the sky. When I asked her what she thought of the fireworks, all she could muster was "Good!" Here's a profile of my lovebug as she watches the grand display.

Because of our special outing this evening, Liliana stayed up until 10:00pm for the first time in her scheduled life. Does this mean she'll sleep in for Mommy and Daddy? Tune in tomorrow to find out...

Fireworks Extravaganza

For the first time ever, we observed the Twin Oaks fireworks gala. Liliana started off the evening by trying to eat a glow stick. Her mouth and hands were a lovely shade of fluorescent yellow.

Here she is with her little friends just before the fireworks got underway.

Family 4th of July Fun

Here we are at the Jarvis family 4th of July party Saturday night. What a spectacular shindig! This family extravaganza was the first of many celebratory activities on our calendar for Independence week.

We're busier this year than any other. I don't mind one bit...and we all know Wade loves the action!

Liliana in the Hizouse!

You may not know this, but Liliana recently had some serious dental work. Living in da Lou, there's a great deal of pressure to display "the bling" in your teeth. Although we resisted for awhile, Wade and I decided that one is never too young to show off the goods. Here's what Mississippi Wade chose for our daughter...

Isn't She Lovely!

Estrogen and Excitement

Today I began heavy doses of estrogen--8mg of Estrace and 3 Vivelle dots. Having never taken this hormone, I had no idea what to expect. Everything was hunky dory until early this evening when a whopping headache set in. Four hours later and it's still a doozy!

Despite my new regimen, we had quite an eventful day. After a morning of playing at home, we ventured to the pool for swimming and Family Fun Day activities. For the first time ever, Daddy witnessed Liliana's new tricks: jumping off the diving board and swimming to the ladder without floaties. Yep, that's right--my little 2.5-year-old can swim on her own after only a month of pool time. I'm soooooooo excited! Of course, she still needs a parent next to her while she develops her skills, but she's doing it all by herself! Daddy is a bit nervous watching Liliana's new accomplishments, but I'm totally stoked!

During the family pool activities, we all enjoyed games, snacks and camaraderie. When it came time for the noodle race, a group of us formed a super-duper championship relay team. Members included Carter and Cole Snodgrass, Liliana and moi (only one adult allowed per team). Believe it or not, our team was in first place after three laps...and then it was Liliana's turn. At the last moment, she decided she didn't want to swim by herself. So, she rode piggyback on mommy for the final leg of the race. Although we didn't take first prize, we sure pleased the crowd!

Tonight was the annual Jarvis 4th of July party. Neighborly friends, good eats, games and fireworks--what a blast! I'll be posting photos as soon as they're ready. Check back for pix that are sure to make you smile.

Well, my noggin is aching and my coach is turning into a pumpkin. Goodnight!