The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

This is, hands down, the most wonderful time of the year. I love the holiday music, shining decorations, hustle & bustle and joyful, giving spirit that fills the air. Most of all, my heart sings to hear the name of Jesus so boldly proclaimed everywhere I go. For one month of the year, the words "God" and "Jesus" flow through the airwaves and store speakers without a second thought. I love it! If only every month could be celebrated this way!

Christmas, my child, is love in action...
When you love someone, you give to them, as God gives to us. The greatest gift He ever gave was the person of His Son, sent to us in human form so that we might know what God the Father is really like. Every time we love, every time we give, it's Christmas. ~Dale Evans Rogers

Of course, I am also thrilled to be experiencing this holiday season as an expectant mother. It is a precious blessing. Thank you, Lord! As our ultrasound approaches, I am filled with hope that this time will be different--that we will see the image of a healthy, thriving baby on the screen. Fortunately, my symptoms are strong, and my body seems to be telling me that all is well. I have never been so happy to have 24-hour nausea, heartburn, tender "parts," and an aching back! What an unexpected and glorious gift.

Here's to believing in miracles! Ramona

Lab Tests Tomorrow

The weekend is coming to a close, and I'm looking forward to the results of my blood tests tomorrow. Despite my not-so-hot bloodwork on Thursday, my pregnancy symptoms (especially nausea and sensitivity to smell) are going strong. I'm hopeful that the baby is experiencing healthy growth and development.

My HCG level was 452 on Thursday, which means it should be around 1800 tomorrow. God willing, it will be right on target (or higher). I'm praying for good news. I can't imagine that God would provide this incredible miracle, only to take it away. However, stranger things have been known to happen.

Right now, I'm thanking God for this pregnancy and praying that we will meet and know this child on earth.

In His grip,
Ramona

Praying for a Miracle

The countdown is almost over. Tomorrow morning is my long-awaited beta hCG blood test. I have to be honest: I do not have a good feeling about my chances. Not only have my symptoms decreased significantly, but I also had a negative home pregnancy test this morning (yes, the waiting got the best of me).

It is possible that the test result was a false-negative...basically, it could be too soon to tell. But the hard truth of the matter is that the test may have been completely accurate. We'll know for sure tomorrow. I'm still holding out a little hope, but I'm not holding my breath.

Praying for a miracle, Ramona

Cautiously Optimistic

It's been a tight race, folks, but optimism finally pulls ahead of caution and takes the lead! For the past couple of days, I have been experiencing waves of nausea, coupled with heartburn and breast tenderness. What others might label ailments, I call, "Yeah, baby!"

I am very encouraged and hopeful that my body is displaying signs of pregnancy. However, I must continue to remain somewhat guarded, because I know it's possible to wish these symptoms into reality. After my April IVF, I had nausea for a week, and I wasn't pregnant. The mind is a very powerful thing.

Praying for a real, healthy pregnancy! ~Ramona

Ups and Downs

I've been struggling with musculoskeletal problems since college, when springboard diving finally took it's toll on my back. Later, two motor vehicle accidents (neither my fault!) rocked my already injured body and ensured lifelong ups and downs on the pain scale. Yesterday and today have been two of the tougher days. My head, shoulders and neck have been aching, to the point that survival has been my primary goal.

This morning, I spent several hours on the sofa, battling a massive migraine. I could barely function, even with earplugs muffling the sound and a blanket blocking the light. All I could do was listen to Liliana as she played with blocks and stickers. My pain was almost unbearable, and made worse by the fact that I couldn't interact with my baby at all. So frustrating. What I wouldn't give to be trade this 34-year-old body in for a newer model!

On a positive note, I am feeling much better right now. Additionally, I have experienced some nausea, heartburn and soreness that could be attributed to pregnancy. However, the nausea could also be associated with the headaches, and the other symptoms are nothing to get excited about. With seven days to go, I remain cautiously optimistic. The days continue to crawl by, and I wait and hope...and pray, pray, pray for the desires of our hearts.

Blessings, Ramona

Waiting

Other than a sore, knotted backside (due to hefty progesterone shots), I haven't experienced any significant changes since the FET. I've had a few tinges of pain in my abdomen each day...but nothing major. Every day, I wake up hoping for nausea and a sore chest, but no such luck. When I was pregnant with Liliana, I didn't experience morning sickness until 5 weeks. With the rest of my pregnancies, nausea came very early.

Once again, the two-week wait seems endless. My beta hCG test is scheduled for Monday, July 30th. We're praying for a double pregnancy!

Have a great weekend! ~Ramona

Blessings All Around

Thank the Lord for answered prayer on every front! First, our FET went smoothly. Both embryos survived the thawing process and looked good. Praise the Lord! The transfer was a little more uncomfortable than previous procedures, but there were no complications. God willing, the embryos will implant within the next few days. Now I must assume I'm pregnant and act accordingly. Goodbye caffeine, hello calcium!

Second, we are living in a cool home, thanks to Mr. late night A/C repair man. What a relief! Under normal circumstances, we would have been able to tough out a week or two with no air (after all, we survived 10 days of post-Katrina hardship in Mississippi). But we have a great deal riding on this procedure, so we opted for immediate comfort. Looks like our 20-year-old A/C unit has exhausted it's 14-year life expectancy. Ahhh, the fun of being a homeowner.

Next, Liliana's health is steadily improving. She is sleeping through the night, although she cried for me once last night because her stuffed monkey was sticky (very serious stuff for a toddler). Liliana's cough is finally breaking up and subsiding, thanks to Mucinex for kids. Pretty soon, she'll be back at Chadwick, showcasing her swimming skills for Grammy and Grandfather.

And finally, my Gramcracker seems to be rallying. It may be temporary, but things were looking up today. Although we're happy to see improvement, we're cautiously optimistic about her health. Things can change so quickly at this stage of the game.

All in all, it's been a terrific day. My bedrest continues through tomorrow, and my three guardians are making sure that I don't encounter anything stressful or strenuous. As much as I love my naps, I'm not cut out to lie in bed all day. I'm ready for the pool!

Hope your day is blessed, Ramona

Low Expectations, High Fever

Well, we're less than 24 hours away from the beta hCG pregnancy test. I go to the lab at St. Luke's first thing tomorrow morning, and I'll receive the results between 10:00 and 11:00am. The night before last, I was convinced that our IVF was successful. Now I feel almost certain that I'm getting a period instead of a positive pregnancy test. Happy Mother's Day to me.

I really am a positive person, but I have to be realistic here. The only sign of pregnancy I still have is nausea (and I could totally be wishing that upon myself). Everything else points to an unwelcome visit from Aunt Flow. I hope and pray that my suspicions are wrong about the situation. It's in God's hands now...and I pray that He will grant us a pleasant surprise tomorrow.

The past couple days have been very stressful for me...and for Wade. Not only have our hopes come tumbling down, but our precious Liliana also became ill. She developed a high fever yesterday, and she has a strange rash that's persisted for a week. Poor baby cried in discomfort all through the night, and I had to wake her several times to give acetaminophen to reduce the fever. I feel like I slept for 45 minutes last night. Liliana probably does, too. She has an appointment to see Dr. Graham at 12:45 today, and then hopefully she'll nap like a champ!

On a positive note, my whopping headache is almost gone. Thank the Lord! Life is so much better (and easier) without a throbbin' noggin.

Thank you so much for your continued support, encouragement and prayers. I truly appreciate it! Have a wonderful day, Ramona

Welcome to My Wednesday

The suspense of waiting got the best of me last night, and I decided to have a home pregnancy test on hand, just in case. So I asked Wade to run to Walgreens to pick up a test kit, along with a 2-liter of Canada Dry to help my aching tummy. The nausea was so bad that I wanted to throw up just to have some relief. On top of that, my headache became a full-fledged migraine that kept me up most of the night.

Somewhere between serious pain, serious prayer and occasional winks of sleep, I debated whether or not to succumb to the temptation of a pregnancy test. Part of me trusted the nausea enough to wait 'til Friday's lab test, while the rest of me was sold on knowing the result right away.

I read the pamphlet inside the test kit, and it delineated the accuracy for each day before the "best" test date (Friday). I thought, "Okay, at this point, the test would be 74-84% on target. Hmmm...that's is just high enough that I'd have a good chance of getting a positive result (and relief from waiting) and just low enough that I could attribute a negative result to the possibility of error. Plus, I've had several false-negatives in the past. Sounds okay." Then I thought about the severity of my headache and the fact that I may need some chiropractic intervention. I wondered if I could undergo osteopathic manipulation if I'm pregnant. I realized that I'd need to know in order to decide what treatment to pursue. Finally, somewhere around 4:30am, I decided to go ahead with the test first thing in the morning. I'm sure I swayed the arguments the way I wanted them to go.

At 7:20am, my bladder woke me up from the first round of good sleep I had all night. I broke out the test, peed on the stick, waited two minutes and looked at the result window. One line. Negative. I peered at the stick as closely as possible to make sure I wasn't missing the other line. Nope. Negative. I laid back down, feeling disappointed but still hopeful that Friday's test would be positive. My nausea was still going strong, so I didn't sweat the test results. I didn't even wake Wade to tell him. Why bother him with inaccurate results, right?

Shortly after Liliana awoke, I noticed spotting. I immediately assumed the blood was my typical spotting before each monthly cycle. I had no idea what else it could be. I could feel the hope leaving my body and falling to the floor. A negative pregnancy test and spotting. My heart sank.

I wept as Wade and I discussed the situation. I was crushed. I thought I'd immediately be at peace with whatever God put in front of us, but I felt sadness instead. At the same time I was grieving a perceived lack of pregnancy, I experienced more nausea...a symptom that's always been an accurate predictor of pregnancy for me. I was both confused and frustrated that I could have such a strong sign of pregnancy with two serious strikes against it.

Teary eyed, I called Dr. Pineda's office and left a message about the morning's events. When nurse Janna called back, she offered more hope than I anticipated. Janna told me that the bleeding could be from the implantation of embryos. Further, she stated that the pregnancy test was much to early to be trusted. She advised me to add two oral progesterone capsules to my daily regimen of medications (to help support a potential pregnancy). I asked her if there was any way my nausea could be a side effect of my medications, and she assured me that it isn't. According to Janna, I need to hope for the best and wait until Friday's blood pregnancy test.

After my conversation with the nurse, I felt a little bit of hope wash over me. Although I'm still an emotional mess, I do feel like there's a chance I'm pregnant. After all, the nausea is as strong as ever. So, once again, I will wait and pray. Friday seems further away than ever.

Please keep this situation in your prayers and lift up our desire for a healthy baby (or two).
Bless you, Ramona

Things are Lookin' Good!

Here's my baby doll swinging in our back yard. We've been making the most of the sunshine the past couple of days, especially with so many rainy days last week and six days of thunderstorms in the forecast. Today I set up Liliana's pool, and she splashed around in the frigid water for at least an hour. I attempted to do my Bible study while she romped, but I couldn't resist the urge to watch her antics. Needless to say, I did not finish my study.

Earlier I read my journal entries from the beginning of January to compare the post-IVF symptoms I'm experiencing. My current physical condition is a mirror image of the days just before my positive pregnancy test in January. My nausea is pretty steady, with a few breaks throughout the day. I'm so thankful for the feeling that I'd prefer to have nausea non-stop! I've been trying to curb my excitement, but it's getting more difficult with each passing day of pregnancy symptoms. Things are looking good!

Pray for healthy baby(ies)! Blessings, Ramona

Hello, Nausea!

A little nausea has come my way the past couple days, and it seems to be steadily increasing. I'm trying not to get excited, but I am certainly feeling hopeful. I've also started experiencing other signs of pregnancy, but nausea is the most meaningful because it can't be attributed to the medications. Morning sickness (24-hour) kicked in around this time after my last IVF...and I had nausea with each of my pregnancies. So, this is a good thing! My first pregnancy test is still almost a week away. Until then, I continue to eat, drink and sleep as if I'm carrying a child. And, of course, pray for healthy babies!

Happy Cinco De Mayo! Ramona

Hurry Up and Wait

Thank the Lord for symptoms of pregnancy! Although doubts and fears have crept in this week, my body keeps repeating, "You're still pregnant!" If it weren't for the nausea and heartburn, though, I'd be wondering if it was just the high doses of progesterone causing my side effects. But progesterone doesn't cause nausea or heartburn, so that's a good thing. With several days before the next ultrasound, I'd lose my marbles without something to help me believe the pregnancy is on track. Hope is very powerful!

Originally, the ultrasound was scheduled for Monday. Unfortunately, Wade has a work conflict all day, so I had to move the appointment to Tuesday morning. As difficult as the waiting has been, I found it quite troublesome to change the ultrasound to a later date. Even 24 hours is a long time when you're wondering if your pregnancy is healthy or finished. It's important that Wade be present for the exam, so I'm willing to wait another day.

Waiting. I guess I'd better get used to it. That's hopefully what I'll be doing for the next 7 months!

Unrest

Our first ultrasound took place this morning. The pregnancy looks to be almost 6 weeks in development. Since I was supposed to be a bit further along, the embryo may have initially taken a couple extra days to implant. If that's the case, I'm just not as far along as anticipated. However, there's also a possibility that the development stopped a couple days ago. Dr. Pineda says to relax and assume all is well until proven otherwise. He wants me to have another ultrasound in one week.

On one hand, I am relieved that everything looks normal (for a 5 week, 6 day pregnancy, that is). We were able to see that there is one embryo sac in the uterus. Thankfully it is not an ectopic pregnancy. On the other hand, I have to admit that I am somewhat uneasy that the baby's development isn't where we thought it should be. I can't help but remember that this is similar to how we learned about my two miscarriages. In the past, either a blood test or an ultrasound showed that the baby stopped growing prematurely...and that was the end. Right now, it's too soon to tell. All I can do is pray and wait.

I'm still experiencing regular symptoms of pregnancy, so hopefully that indicates everything is right on track. Nausea, heartburn, aching body parts, insomnia, and food aversions are a integral part of my daily life. My hips muscles have taken a beating with the progesterone injections. They're both bruised and knotted up, and the bandages have begun to rip my skin. Thankfully, the nurse gave me some gauze and silk tape to replace the bandaids. That will help a great deal. And although much of this journey is unpleasant, it will all be worth it!

Please boldly pray that the baby is healthy and that s/he will continue to develop normally. Also pray that I would keep my eyes on the Lord during this long week of waiting. My heart is not at peace right now, and your prayers will help tremendously.

May God bless you and yours! Ramona

Anxiously Waiting

We found out about our pregnancy only 10 days ago, and it feels like months. Despite my best efforts to stay productive, the days seem to drag on. This morning I had blood drawn, but this particular test did not yield helpful information. I was hoping to get an HCG count (which would indicate whether or not the pregnancy is on track), but we only received the progesterone reading. The level was normal, but that is to be expected in the midst of nightly progesterone injections.

I am anxiously awaiting the ultrasound on Monday morning (which seems like next year). For some reason, I'm really needing concrete information to confirm that all is well. There have been periods of time where I haven't felt dramatic symptoms...and that's been scary. It is during those times that my fears creep in. For that reason, I would rather experience every symptom to its fullest degree than nothing at all. Sounds crazy, but it's true.

On the bright side, this process is truly keeping me close to the Lord. With few assurances from doctors and blood tests, I am constantly compelled to seek God's wisdom and rest in His promises.

Please pray that I would have a peace about this pregnancy. More importantly, please pray for the healthy development of this baby throughout the pregnancy.

Bless you! Ramona

Patience is a Virtue

I was up all night with serious nausea and racing thoughts. I just couldn't get my brain or my stomach to shut down. This is the fourth night of restless sleep, and the lack of rest is catching up with me. Everything seems foggy, and I lack my usual pep. But all it takes is wonderful news to fire up my endorphins for the day.

My blood test was at St. Luke's this morning. Right now, I'm doing everything I can to take my mind off this seemingly endless waiting. Wade is at work, so we are unable to be together when we hear the test results. The best we can do is a three-way call to the MD office when the time comes. Hopefully we will have reason to celebrate when he returns home.

This has been a very sweet morning of quality time with Liliana. I am so thankful for her little personality. What a joy, especially during tough times. I am also grateful for our parents, who have continued to check on us throughout this process. And thanks to you for being with us and supporting us through your comments, cards, calls and emails. God bless you!

In His abiding love, Ramona

Holding On

Start with nausea. Add headaches, restlessness, mild anxiety and extreme emotionality. That's a rough sketch of my internal state today. If this isn't pregnancy, I don't know what is. I'm not used to all of this drama, but I'll gladly accept it, especially if I'm suffering for a good cause.

I'm wishing I could do a pregnancy test right here and now. I feel pretty certain that we will be rejoicing soon, but the days of not knowing are weighing on me. I know, I know...have patience and trust in the Lord. That's what my heart tells me, but my mind is playing tricks on me and the rest of my body is playing along. I'm running out of distractions. Just one more day of waiting for a positive result, and then hopefully 36 weeks of waiting to meet our next child!

Please pray that I feel comfort and peace until the results are in. And pray that I glorify and praise the Lord no matter what happens.

Excitement is Building

Hooray for nausea and headache! This is the third day of all-day sickness, which is exactly what I experienced during my three pregnancies. I can't help but think the IVF must have been a success. I am trying to remain calm and collected, but what else could explain the list of symptoms I'm experiencing? I'm getting more excited with each passing day of discomfort.

Tuesday will be the first pregnancy test. Apparently, many false-positives and false-negatives occur during the testing process (due to all of the hormones injected throughout the cycle), so I will repeat the test on Thursday. Right now, I can't imagine that it would be negative...but then again, I've had nothing but difficult news for the last two years. Infertility is tough--tougher than most people imagine. Right now, however, I can rest in the Lord and enjoy the hope of children in 2007. Please pray that the desires of our hearts will come true!

Happy New Year to you and yours. Talk to you in 2007!

Morning Sickness?

Normally I nap during this time of day, but today my slumber was curtailed by severe nausea. That's right--big, bad morning sickness! It started this morning and has fluctuated in intensity throughout the day. In my experience, this is exactly how it feels to be in the early weeks of pregnancy. I currently have all of the symptoms I've had in the past: heartburn, nausea, breast tenderness/pain, vivid dreams and expanding waistline (granted, this may very well be caused by excessive consumption of holiday goodies).

I am doing my best to stay calm...but it's difficult not to assume that pregnancy is the reason for my list of symptoms. I'm remaining cautiously optimistic...with optimism pulling ahead of caution today.

Four days from now, Wade and I will know for certain. We will certainly rejoice if the test is positive, but we will not be able to rest easy. Two of my three pregnancies ended in miscarriage around 7-8 weeks. So if I am pregnant, we will remain somewhat guarded through the first trimester.

The great news is that it's all in God's hands, either way. Praise the Lord for giving me more hope today and wonderful friends with whom to share it!

Waiting is the Hardest Part

Hope you had a wonderful Christmas! We sure did. Wade, Liliana and I put 1100 miles on the Camry over the week, traveling to Michigan, Indiana and the Chicago area. We had the opportunity to spend lots of time with family and friends, which is our favorite aspect of the holiday season.

As much as we love jetting about the country, we are relieved to be home now. It will be nice to have four days to relax together. Wade and I are hooked on the series 24, and we're watching several episodes each night. It's highly addictive. I recommend it!

We're anxiously awaiting our pregnancy test on Jan. 2nd. Although two weeks doesn't seem like a long time in the grand scheme of things, it sure does crawl by each month that we wait for the final outcome.

At this point, we are cautiously optimistic. I have been experiencing the typical symptoms of pregnancy every day, but I don't want to assume anything. It's very possible that the progesterone shots may be the culprit. Please pray that I am carrying a child (or two) and that everything is healthy!

Bless you, and thank you for stopping by.