Midnight Musings

It's midnight. I can't sleep. Surprise, surprise. Why is it that my mind goes bananas the night before anything semi-important? I guess I've always been this way. When I was a young girl, I would get so excited about the first day of school that I'd make my debut with six measly minutes of sleep under my belt (but rest assured it was the perfect belt, because I stayed up all night thinking about exactly how to accessorize with my big hair and jellies).

Apparently, old habits die hard. Right now my coach is turning into a pumpkin because of a simple blood draw at the lab. I know, I know...it's really the result I'm anxious about, but it sure seems silly to get so worked up. I should be dreaming instead of typing. My sweet, sick girl has been crying for me hourly, so rest will surely be a rare commodity tonight.

Liliana is doing a little better, by the way. According to Dr. Graham, she has a viral infection that's making rounds in the kiddie community. Her fever should subside in a couple days, and she will be jumping on the bed by the end of the weekend. Her rash was just a stubborn case of contact dermatitis (from rubbing the elastic on her Smiles size 5's). With several treatments of hydrocortizone cream, her tushy will be as soft and squishy as ever.

On another note: My new friend, Niki, introduced me to a Christian network for women with infertility issues. It's called Hannah's Prayer, and I really think I'm going to find comfort in traveling this road with believers who share a similar struggle. I'm sure Wade was relieved to hear I've found another place to express the innermost details of my womanhood. Believe me when I tell you there are things even a husband doesn't want to hear--things much too personal to post on a blog. Ladies who have had your feet in metal stirrups, can I get a witness?!

That reminds me... My first OB-Gyn had a poster of Patrick Swayze on the ceiling above the examination table. Never mind that it was 1989 in rural Indiana, no woman should look up from her position on the table and see a picture of a half-nekked (there's that word again) male icon. We're supposed to be finding a happy place, not Road House. Oh, I digress.

Well, my eyes are tired. Hopefully I'll be able to quiet my mind enough to fall asleep before the next "Mama, mama!" Although I don't relish 3:00am cries, I wouldn't trade the precious gift of motherhood for the world. Please pray that I have the opportunity to be Mommy to another little one in the future.

May God bless you and yours, Ramona

I Like to Move It

Insomnia update: Thank you for the sleep suggestions, both here and on my personal email. God answered my prayers for better slumber last night. I think the melatonin is beginning to register more effectively the longer I use it. Although I still wanted to stay in bed this morning, I felt more rested than previous days.

Thank You: My sincere appreciation to my Bible Study sisters who surprised me with a gift certificate for a massage at The Face and Body. My apologies for totally "losing it" and bursting into tears; I did not expect such a generous outpouring of love. Leigh Ann, Nancy, Rebecca, Lori, Liz, Elizabeth, Barb, Christy, Michelle and Andrea...you made my week!

Funny: At naptime yesterday, I asked Liliana what song she'd like to hear (we sing and pray before each bedtime). Normally she requests "Jesus Loves Me" or "You are My Sunshine," but much to my surprise she said, "Ike it Moob it Moob it." Translation: "I Like to Move It, Move It" from the movie Madagascar. She had recently heard the song sung by a novelty Valentine animal that moves and shakes. I completely forgot about it...but obviously it was front and center in her memory! And yes, I honored her request. I followed it with a more mellow song to move the mood from dancing to snoozing.

Insomnia

This morning, Liliana and I spent two hours in our pajamas on the sofa, just snuggling and watching children's television shows. Although I typically try to limit her daily TV intake, today was an exception. I was so exhausted and in major need of some TLC with my sweet girl. The only time she cuddles is while she's in front of the tube, so I just let it happen. Certainly one day isn't going to stunt her intelligence...and we sure enjoyed our Mommy-daughter pajama party!

Insomnia continues to plague me. My sleep issues began with my pregnancy and intensified after my miscarriage. I've been taking melatonin for two nights (per the suggestion of my BFF who's in med school). The melatonin has decreased the amount of time it takes me to fall asleep; however, it does nothing for my middle-of-the-night awakenings. This morning, I awoke to, "Mama, Mama, Mama!" feeling as if I didn't sleep a wink.

My body is ultra exhausted every night, but I can't seem to turn off my thoughts. I've tried meditation, lavender aromatherapy, Benadryl, and now melatonin. I'm trying not to resort to prescription meds until I've run out of options, because I'm afraid they'll keep me from hearing Liliana if she needs me in the wee hours of the night. Any suggestions? I'd love to hear your ideas.

Hoping for a restful nap right now...