Waiting

Other than a sore, knotted backside (due to hefty progesterone shots), I haven't experienced any significant changes since the FET. I've had a few tinges of pain in my abdomen each day...but nothing major. Every day, I wake up hoping for nausea and a sore chest, but no such luck. When I was pregnant with Liliana, I didn't experience morning sickness until 5 weeks. With the rest of my pregnancies, nausea came very early.

Once again, the two-week wait seems endless. My beta hCG test is scheduled for Monday, July 30th. We're praying for a double pregnancy!

Have a great weekend! ~Ramona

Blessings All Around

Thank the Lord for answered prayer on every front! First, our FET went smoothly. Both embryos survived the thawing process and looked good. Praise the Lord! The transfer was a little more uncomfortable than previous procedures, but there were no complications. God willing, the embryos will implant within the next few days. Now I must assume I'm pregnant and act accordingly. Goodbye caffeine, hello calcium!

Second, we are living in a cool home, thanks to Mr. late night A/C repair man. What a relief! Under normal circumstances, we would have been able to tough out a week or two with no air (after all, we survived 10 days of post-Katrina hardship in Mississippi). But we have a great deal riding on this procedure, so we opted for immediate comfort. Looks like our 20-year-old A/C unit has exhausted it's 14-year life expectancy. Ahhh, the fun of being a homeowner.

Next, Liliana's health is steadily improving. She is sleeping through the night, although she cried for me once last night because her stuffed monkey was sticky (very serious stuff for a toddler). Liliana's cough is finally breaking up and subsiding, thanks to Mucinex for kids. Pretty soon, she'll be back at Chadwick, showcasing her swimming skills for Grammy and Grandfather.

And finally, my Gramcracker seems to be rallying. It may be temporary, but things were looking up today. Although we're happy to see improvement, we're cautiously optimistic about her health. Things can change so quickly at this stage of the game.

All in all, it's been a terrific day. My bedrest continues through tomorrow, and my three guardians are making sure that I don't encounter anything stressful or strenuous. As much as I love my naps, I'm not cut out to lie in bed all day. I'm ready for the pool!

Hope your day is blessed, Ramona

Praying with Great Expectation

Please pray for a successful Frozen Embryo Transfer and a healthy pregnancy!

We're just 10 hours away from our FET at St. Luke's Hospital. I should be sleeping, but our AC went on the blink and our home is 85 degrees! Sweet Liliana finally fell asleep around 10:00pm (two hours after bedtime), and the rest of us are making the best of our two-story sauna. The after-hours repair guy just arrived. Hopefully, he'll get us chillin' without having to order parts or slap us with an astronomical expense.

As if life wasn't complicated enough, the AC goes out. Am I on Candid Camera? Here we are on the cusp of an important medical procedure, one that has taken months of painstaking preparation. I have huge doses of progesterone and estrogen rushing through my veins and orders to relax and avoid stressful situations. Yet, here we are with tropical temperatures, an ailing child and a dying loved one. With such stress, rest and relaxation aren't exactly easy to come by.

Thankfully, I know that God is totally in control of every detail. He knows what's going on, and He's cares about our situation. Praise the Lord for that! I honestly don't know what I would do without faith. Because of God's promises, I am able to experience inner peace and joy regardless of my circumstances. That's an incredible thing.

If you feel compelled to lift us up in prayer, please don't hesitate! My FET is scheduled for Tuesday at 9:15am. We have two embryos that must survive the thawing process and successfully implant in order for a pregnancy to occur. Following the transfer, I will be resting at home for a couple of days. God willing, I will be pregnant with a healthy child...or two. Thank you for praying boldly and with great expectation!

The possibilities of prayer run parallel with the promises of God. Prayer opens an outlet for the promises...and secures their precious ends. E. M. Bounds

May the Lord continually bless you with heaven's blessings as well as with human joys. Psalm 128:5

Much love! ~Ramona

Bittersweet Days

I haven't said much about our upcoming Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET), because I've been trying to focus my thoughts on life's little joys instead of the daunting procedure ahead. With plenty of exciting activities on our calendar the past few weeks, it's been fairly easy to keep my mind occupied. But now I can't help but contemplate the road ahead. We're less than 72 hours away from my hospital visit, and the preparations are in full swing.

With the big event drawing near, my emotions have been running the spectrum. Although I am hopeful that the FET will lead to a pregnancy, I am also afraid of a negative outcome. Since this is our last assisted reproductive procedure, there is more riding on it than ever before. In addition, I am supposed to be stress free--both before and after the procedure. Apparently Murphy's Laws are in full effect, because our life has been anything but relaxing the past few days.

Liliana has been sick since Tuesday evening, and she has been miserable. Her coughing bouts were so severe last night that I was in her room every 15 minutes. No exaggeration. I tried bringing her into bed with me, but she had even more trouble sleeping in our room. We pray that tonight will be much better. Caring for a sick child is both emotionally and physically draining.

Even worse, my mom called me Thursday afternoon with the sad news that my Gramcracker is dying. It seems that she has no more desire to fight. According to the hospice nurse, Gram has less than a week to live. Mom is in Michigan with her right now, and things continue to go down hill. Please pray for my family as we try to celebrate her life while grieving her final days. Losing a loved one is difficult on so many levels.

On a positive note, Wade's parents have arrived in St. Louis. Once again, they have graciously accepted the role of caring for Liliana during my hospital stay and recuperation. What a blessing they have been throughout our fertility treatments!

Praying for healing, peace, sleep and babies. ~Ramona

Counting Down

Just one week to go! Our Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) is next Tuesday, and the preparations continue. I've been loading up on estrogen every day, along with Lupron to suppress my hormones and Folgard & Natelle to boost my vitamin & enzyme levels.

Yesterday's ultrasound yielded a positive result: 9 mm uterine lining (anything above 8 mm is good). My lab results showed that my hormone levels are right on track. So, all in all, things are looking good for the big dance.

This is it...our final fertility treatment. We're praying that God blesses us with twins through this procedure. Thanks for being here with us!

May you be richly blessed, Ramona

Our Journey

If you're wondering what the journey looks like for someone diagnosed with infertility, here are some numbers that may be helpful. Although everyone's road is different, our statistics look like this:

Months actively trying to conceive: 41
Natural cycles (without meds): 13
Cycles on Clomid: 12
Months on Clomid and injectibles: 2
Cycles on serious injectible medications: 9
IUI Cycles with injectible follicle stimulation meds: 4
In Vitro Fertilization attempts: 2
Frozen Embryo Transfers: cycle in process
Months on post-ovulatory progesterone treatments: 30
Pregnancies: 4
Miscarriages: 3
Children at home: 1
Unborn Angels: 6
Dollars invested in fertility treatments: A mind-blowing number.
Tears shed during infertility struggles: Countless.
Being a parent: Priceless.

Goodbye and Good Riddance!

This has been a tough week of side effects. More than any other medication I've taken in the past years, the Desogen has seriously kicked my butt. It made me feel exhausted and irritable and emotional and ravenously hungry. What a great combination, huh? Here I am trying to get back in shape, and my meds counteract all of my efforts. Thankfully, today was my last pill. Good riddance, nasty Desogen! Tomorrow is my first Lupron injection, and hopefully it will balance out my hormones. I sure hope so!

I have about three weeks to go before my final assisted reproductive treatment. Please pray that the Lord will bless our Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) and provide us with a healthy child. At this point, we are praying for twins!

Hope your weekend is wonderful! Ramona

Wonderful Weekend

Our Father's Day weekend was packed with thrilling activities. We awoke at bright and early at 6:15 Saturday morning and headed downtown for the Race for the Cure. Being party lovers, we totally enjoyed the commotion in St. Louie for the Komen race. The streets were flooded with people, bands, sponsors and emotion. After walking the course in less than 45 minutes, Wade, Liliana and I had brunch at the Omni hotel. With full tummies, we then went to Chadwick pool to cool off and relax. When returned home, all three of us were completely exhausted...so we took a family nap.

To further celebrate Daddy, we took Wade bowling at the local alley (which, by the way, was the nicest bowling establishment we've ever seen). I was pleasantly surprised to find a Noble Romans inside the building...so I indulged in an order of my very favorite breadsticks. Using a ramp and a 7 lb ball, Liliana bowled her first game ever. When she made her first strike, Wade and I screamed and cheered, scaring the poor girl to tears! All in all, Liliana earned a score of 99, beating Mommy (who had her worst game ever). Wade emerged victorious, but not by much!

After our bowling excursion, I took Wade out for dinner at a cozy New Orleans style cafe nearby. We danced to Zydeco music while enjoying the spicy red beans and rice. We were so satisfied that we had to take the bread pudding to go. Once Liliana settled down to sleep, Wade and I cuddled on the sofa in front of Apocalypto. The triumph of the human spirit was overshadowed by scenes so graphic that I had to hide my eyes. Definitely not for the faint of heart.

Yesterday was more relaxed, much like our typical Sundays. We grilled burgers at the pool for dinner and watched Pans Labyrinth. Creative, captivating and quite graphic in a couple spots. Overall, two thumbs up.

As we embark on a new week, I am glad to get back to a routine. Just one month away from our Frozen Embryo Transfer. I'm starting to get excited!

Blessings, Ramona

Shaping Up!

For the first time in over two years, I actually have a green light for physical exercise over a four-week stretch. Although I'm very thankful for the opportunity to get back in shape, I've been idle for so long that it's sometimes difficult to get moving. And my medication regimen (to prepare for July's Frozen Blastocyst Transfer) is causing fatigue and serious cravings all day long. To make matters worse, my willpower needs a serious tune-up!

Since Tuesday, I've been doing Pilates, toning with weights, swimming and power walking. I'm seeing results and feeling pretty good, but every day is a constant battle to keep up the routine. Thankfully, I'm well-versed in nutrition, exercise and the psychology of it all. Knowing it and doing it can be two very different things, though.

I pray that God will give me more strength and increased willpower in the coming weeks. My goal is to be in tip-top shape by July 17th so that I can have every chance for a healthy pregnancy. Wade and I are hopeful that the FBT will have a positive outcome. This is our last chance, and I'm starting to get a little anxious about it. Trust, trust, trust God and His perfect timing.

Have a terrific week! Blessings, Ramona

Where Do We Go From Here?

Several days ago, our friend Leann asked a great question. She wanted to know the reason that this will be our last attempt at conceiving a child through advanced reproductive technology. Basically, there are no medical limits on the number of times one may undergo IVF or IUI; however, we have personally met our financial limit. At this point, about $50,000 has been invested in our attempts to conceive. That's a great deal of money, no matter how you look at it. Although I don't regret it, I am convicted that there are more certain and sacrificial ways for us to proceed.

Should July's Frozen Embryo Transfer be unsuccessful, I feel strongly that we should invest in adoption. At that point, we will have exhausted every treatment option available. If we found a huge bag of money, we would probably continue IVFs until I'm no longer of child-bearing age. But barring some miraculous windfall, it is time for us to be sure any future investment guarantees us a child. I feel convicted that adoption should be our next step. Of course, we will continue to pray for a miraculous natural conception. But I believe our efforts should be directed toward giving an orphaned child a loving home.

Of course, we know that God's plan may be different than ours. He may change our hearts or drop the aforementioned bag of money in our laps. Who knows. At this point, I pray that the FET yields a healthy pregnancy. If not, I pray that Wade and I will have congruent feelings about our next step.

Please keep the questions coming! Blessings, Ramona

FET Target Date

Wade and I are gradually coming to terms with the outcome of our last IVF, knowing that God's timing is perfect and we must trust in His goodness. At this point, we are scheduled for a Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) on July 17th. We have two remaining embryos, and they are our last hope for pregnancy through Advanced Reproductive Technology. We pray that this final attempt will be successful. After that, our only option is adoption (although we will continue to pray for a miraculous conception).

Please pray that we may be a blessing to others through this process.
Through His strength, Ramona

Adventures in Infertility

Well, it's been a weekend of processing, grieving and binging on Hostess Crumb Donettes, Houlihan's Stuffed 'Shrooms and Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi. I am now back to my healthy ways and ready to face the world again.

After prayerful consideration and collaboration with our trusty caregivers, Wade and I have determined that our next episode of Adventures in Infertility will be take place in mid-July. It will be a double feature entitled, "Frozen Embryo Transfer x 2." I'm waiting for Dr. Silber's people to contact my people to talk finances and firm dates.

Although the cost of FET is much less than IVF, it's definitely not pocket change. I considered setting up a trust fund to help with the medical bills, but instead decided this would be a great opportunity to encourage the sale of Wade's contraband motorcycle. If anyone is interested, it's a striking royal blue 1982 Yamaha Maxim 750 in great condition with less than 16K miles. Place your bids in the comment section!

As you can tell, I'm doing much better today. A big part of the reason is that there seems to be some hope with the dire family situation I mentioned Friday. I'd love to expound further, but it's a private matter--too sensitive to put on a blog. If you feel led, please pray that there is a positive resolution for a couple I love dearly. God will know who you're talking about!

Thanks again for all of the uplifting comments and prayers. A special shout out to Dave and Kate, who brought us a gorgeous plant and loving words. Also, thanks to Wade's parents for lovely outside dining at Houlihan's...a much needed break from reality!

Bless you all, Ramona

Answered Prayer

Today I am thrilled to share praise and answered prayer. Although the embryo transfer took place an hour & a half late, everything else went as smoothly as possible. We had four embryos--two for today and two to freeze for a later date. Yeah, baby! That's exactly what we prayed for and double what we produced during the last IVF. Praise God!

Now I am in resting mode. I am trying to lie down and relax for the next few days. Although it's not mandatory, there's peace of mind in knowing that I did everything I could to facilitate implantation. Hopefully as I write, two teeny little embryos are finding a warm, cozy place to settle in for the next nine months. My first pregnancy test will occur on Friday, April 11th (right before Mothers' Day). Wouldn't a positive pregnancy test be the most poetic Mothers' Day gift? I sure think so! And that's my prayer.

In the meantime, I continue to undergo nightly progesterone injections to support pregnancy. I also take my prenatal vitamins, Folgard supplements to correct my enzyme deficiency and low-dose aspirin to thin my blood. Hopefully this regimen will help create the perfect environment for a healthy pregnancy.

In my next post, I will answer the question posed in the comment section. I will also include a picture of our embryos as a visual aid (yes, we already have a photo of our would-be children). Advanced reproductive technology is such a complex science--it's mind blowing!

Thanks again for your support and encouragement through this process. I appreciate you. Praying for implantation and healthy growth, Ramona