From Our Family to Yours

Merry Christmas from Mississippi! Here we are on the beach in Ocean Springs during a visit with Wade's brother & family. We've been enjoying unbelievably warm temperatures this week. In fact, I'm wearing shorts and a t-shirt right now, and I've had to run the ceiling fans to cool the house. Is it really the end of December?! It feels like May!



Liliana and I have been tackling the heaping boxes that once covered our dining room floor, and I'm psyched to have only a few left! Finally, there's light at the end of the tunnel. It'll be so nice to have dinner at the dining room table for the first time.

Here are the girly-girls on our new sofa (thanks to Hudsons, my favorite store) in the living room. They're so cute together. Liliana dotes on Leila, and Leila smiles and laughs at Liliana like nobody's business!

Wade and I are absolutely stoked about being so close to the beach. There's no place we'd rather be than in the warm sand on a sunny day, and now we're just a short drive away. Liliana and Leila will be such beach bums this summer.


We are also enjoying more frequent date nights than we were able to have in STL, thanks to retired Grammy and Grandfather (Wade's parents). We attended a Christmas party last night, and we had so much fun that we were the last to leave!

Liliana seems to be adjusting a bit better the past few days, now that we've unearthed her favorite toys. She is on Christmas break until the first week of January, so we'll have plenty of time to play and enjoy the this crazy warm weather. Liliana is still falling pretty frequently, which is a major concern. I had to pick her up early on Monday after a serious faceplant on the classroom floor. And on Tuesday night, she fell against the corner of the coffee table and gashed the back of her head. Poor darling! We're praying it's just the stress of the move and nothing grave. Please pray for her!

Leila Bean (as we affectionately call her) now rolls over, sits up and is eating rice cereal, carrots and sweet potatoes. She likes to be in the middle of all the action, especially when there's a large group of people. The term "social butterfly" is a really an understatement for her. She would rather "talk" to and watch people than sleep!

We feel very blessed this holiday season, and we wish you every happiness. Merry Christmas and much love to one and all!

Wade the Olympian

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My Aunt Jules sent this to me, and I HAD to share it with you. This is funny for so many reasons. First and foremost, I've had an extensive (and intense) relationship with diving, including a connection with Olympic diving. Second, Wade's powerhouse dives include the cannonball, watermelon and belly-flop. Third, this has got to be the most unflattering image of my husband. Enjoy!

Sand and Surf

Here are a couple video clips from our recent adventures. Above, Liliana surfs (with a little help from Daddy). Below, the boys try to master the skim board. With many not-so-hot attempts under his belt, Wade finally enjoys a sweet success!

The Greatest Happiness

It's been almost a week since we became a family of four. I can honestly say that we have never known greater happiness. Leila is the most content little angel, and we all adore her. Liliana continues to excel in her new role as big sister, showering Leila with love and affection and helping in every way possible. Although Liliana needs a little extra TLC these days, we're happy to reinforce how much she means to us.

As for Wade, he's probably the most protective father on the face of the planet. To take even better care of us, he made the decision to upgrade our vehicle. We ditched my old '96 Bonneville for an '08 Sienna (huge sigh of relief)...and I now drive with confidence knowing that I'm sure to get from point A to B without being stranded somewhere in between. It's a welcome feeling, especially with a newborn sweetie in the car.

All in all, it's a great day in our household. As we take time to enjoy one another and adjust to this new family dynamic, I may choose sleep over blogworld from time to time. If you would be so kind, please continue to hold us up in prayer and ask God to protect our family and this adoption. We covet your prayers and feel so thankful that you are walking along side us on this journey. May you be richly blessed.

Good Times

Those who know us are acutely aware of the fact that Wade and I are c-razy (as in zany, not loony--although some might disagree). And Liliana is not far behind. We all love to act silly and enjoy life. When I was younger, I naively believed that "the kid in me" would completely vanish by the time I hit 30. So much for that!

Here's a photo from our recent neighborhood parents' night out. I highly recommend regular partay nights--just the adults. Let the good times roll!

A Special Shout Out

Happy Birthday, Wade!

Lots of love on your day,
Ramona

Happy Valentine's Day!

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A Happy Meal & Wet Clothes

Today Liliana and I went on a quest to locate a suitable fish to replace Smooch, our recently departed goldfish. After doing a little research, I learned that God probably never intended for a goldfish to live in a fish bowl; hence, the short life span of poor Smooch (God rest his soul). Therefore, I chose to buy a male Betta, a species that tends to thrive in small quantities of water.

When we went to the store, I was surprised to find that Bettas are kept in individual containers, apparently because they are a type of fighting fish that don't play nicely with others. We selected a lovely specimen with blue, purple and red features. He was lively and quite beautiful (and bonus: his colors matched my kitchen decor). Liliana named the fish "Happy Meal." Although I tried to dissuade her from that particular name, she was set on it...and it was so.

As we brought the fish home, I wondered why Happy Meal was in a closed container in the store. Although the thought entered and exited my mind in a flash, I later learned that there was a very good reason for the lid. Just an hour after we put Happy Meal in his new home, he literally jumped out of the water and plummeted three feet to his untimely and unattractive death. Wade found him on the air vent of the kitchen floor, shriveling up like a dried bean. (Oh, how I wish I could have seen Wade's face as he happened upon the fish and realized what it was.)

Every day brings a new opportunity to learn and grow. Today I learned that a male Betta fish can swim and jump. I also learned that it takes just a split second for a clothes dryer to burn up and die...and it's a very stinky and inconvenient occurrence. Visit my laundry room, and you will find wet clothes lying all around in hopes that they'll air dry by tomorrow. Thankfully, Wade is picking up a used dryer as I write. Hopefully this one will outlast it's predecessor.

Here's to life's lessons! Ramona

Still Standing

Liliana, coloring the Backyardigans book while wearing Mommy's "comfy" socks and the new hat she refers to as "pom poms." Oh, those dimples...ya gotta love 'em!
Thank God for antibiotics! I am happy to report that my knock-down, drag-out fight with an infection is almost one for the history books. I was almost down for the count, but I rose up just in time to hear "...9...10." I'm still a little woozy, but I'm still standing!

Whew, I'm alive! It's like I'm getting a new lease on life. Isn't it amazing how we appreciate the simple pleasures (e.g., sitting up without props, the painless swallowing of food, maintaining a constant 98.6 degrees) after experiencing a debilitating illness? I feel like a new woman.

Last night, Wade and I actually hired a sitter and enjoyed a night out. We had been looking forward to this event for months--Trivia Night at our church. If you have never experienced it, you are truly missing out! I kid you not. Good, clean fun with incredible laughs. It's a riot! Even though I wasn't feeling 100%, we had a terrific time.

Today I attended my dear friend Jen's baby shower. It was the first "baby event" I've been to since our miscarriage. I thought it would be a piece of cake, since I was very excited to see Jen and celebrate with her. And, after all, I do have a beautiful daughter of my own. But then (just like after our other losses), when I actually get in the situation, it's like an emotional funk envelops me. And either I get sensitive and weepy about the silliest little things OR I'm completely unable to feel the depth and range of emotions that I should--and want to---for other people and their good fortune. I want to be elated, but I can only manage to be happy. It may just seem like semantics, but there's a big difference. It's really very troubling for me.

In my mind I'm thinking, "I love Jen and I'm thrilled that she's expecting, especially since she had a tough time getting pregnant. I have prayed for this child, and she & her husband are going to be such super parents!" I should be completely overjoyed for the blessings of my friend, but my heart is selfishly focused on its own hurting and longing. I feel like such an ingrate, and then I remind myself, "This is normal. You are grieving."

I'm tired of grieving.

I have seen a great deal of sorrow in my short life, especially during the past two years. Of course, I've experienced many blessings, but we've also suffered one heavy loss after another: monthly infertility struggles, multiple miscarriages, and the suffering and death of loved ones (just to name a few). At this point I should be able to fly through the five stages of grief in an hour or two. But, unfortunately, that's not the way God intended.

The good news is that we are never alone. God holds us close during tough times. An even as I write the words on this page, He is loving me and taking care of my needs. The Lord knows every single tear we shed, and He provides the comfort to help us through. It is in times like these we must lift our eyes to Him--our maker, comforter and healer. He is all we'll ever need.

Some powerful verses for me...

Isaiah 40:29-31 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

2 Corinthians 4:17-18 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

My Heart is Outside My Body

Photo: Darling Liliana plays dress up with princess outfits. According to this fashion diva, layers are in this Spring.

Today has been very emotional for me...again. It seems like each 24 hours is filled with every mood in the unabridged psychologist's handbook.
One minute, I'm sensitive and sobbing over a silly TV ad about a dog...the next minute I'm so irritable that I want to jump out of my skin. It's getting to be quite frustrating.

I don't mind being sentimental. It's actually a nice change of pace for this even-tempered optimist. I'm usually not a touchy-feely and misty-eyed girl, but I can handle it for awhile. However, the anger and irritability have gotta go! My moodiness is wearing me out, and it seems to be interfering with my relationships. I know I must be hurting the people around me, and there's no doubt that Wade is experiencing more drama than he would like. I apologize, honey...sincerely and publicly!

In addition to being a walking billboard for psychotropic meds, I find myself fearing that something bad will happen to Liliana. As Elizabeth Stone writes, "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." I agree with that sentiment 100%.

I love and adore Liliana more than I ever thought possible. And I truly believe that she is our miracle child. Because she is so very precious to me, I have begun to develop intense anxiety about losing her. As a professional counselor, I realize that my fear is a result of losing our third baby and knowing that we may never have another biological child. As a Christian, I understand that I should be clinging tightly to God and holding loosely the things of this world. And I know I should be pouring out my grief before the Lord and trusting Him to take care of my family. Even so, I'm having a difficult time bringing my mind and heart together on these matters. I'm trying, Lord, You know I am!

Please pray that I would grieve well and glorify God in this process. Pray that the Lord will calm my fears and replace my doubts with wisdom and courage. Please pray that my personal relationships would be strengthened through this trial, and that my love for the Lord will grow each day.

Thank you for being here with me through one of the most challenging times of my life. God bless you and yours!

On a Positive Note

God has blessed me with a great deal of nausea today, which has been encouraging. Experiencing symptoms helps me to feel as if everything with the pregnancy is healthy and on the right track. I also read several websites and blogs that indicate that it is normal for an ultrasound to pick up only the gestational sac before six weeks (which is exactly what we saw yesterday). One OB's site stated that things change daily at this point, and it further explained that although the yolk or baby may not be visible one day, it should get clearer in just two or three days. And just a couple days after that, the baby's heart beat should be noticable. If that's the case, we should be able to see everything during next week's ultrasound. In the meantime, I'm just going to focus on the positive and pray for a healthy baby.

On a funny note, the house is rumbling as I write this. No, not because of thunderstorms or adverse weather conditions, but because Wade rented a hip-hop DVD to learn new dance moves. He's practicing right this minute! Yes, you read it right, folks. Wade will soon be the new hip-hop dance champion of...well, at least this corner of the neighborhood. I'll try to post some video soon!

Hope you're enjoying your week. Thank you for your continued prayers and well-wishes. God bless!