Pins and Needles

I'm still waiting for the results of my blood test, and I'm a wreck! The lab is supposed to send the results to the doctor's office within two hours, and it's now approaching three. I've called Dr. Silber twice with shaking hands and a knotted stomach, just to hear, "The results aren't in yet." Agony!

Please pray for a positive test result and a healthy baby! ~Ramona

It's a Wonderful Life

Life is really good these days. I am so grateful for the many blessings in our lives, and I praise God for His gifts. The past few weeks have been so focused on living life that I have temporarily forgotten our ongoing struggle with infertility. I have to admit that I have not missed the constant planning, agonizing, injecting meds and visiting doctors.

With our Frozen Blastocyst Transfer (FBT) rapidly approaching, I am now compelled to get my head back in the game. Fortunately, I have a positive feeling about this procedure, and I feel rested and refreshed. Not only is my body ready for this process, but I am blessed to have a world renowned doctor on my side. Dr. Silber's freezing technique is so far advanced that 99% of embryos survive the thawing process. That is great news for us, because losing the embryos was originally my greatest concern. Since we have only two frozen "snowflakes," there is no room for error. And this is our last attempt using advanced reproductive technology...so we are hoping and praying for success.

Ultimately, God is in control, and He is not bound by statistics or the limits of modern medicine. Thank goodness for that! He is the One who gives and takes away, and I trust His perfect timing.

Here's to a wonderful weekend. May you relish the blessings in your life,
Ramona

Friday and Monday are the Big Days

Big news! My reproductive system has been responding so quickly to the treatment that my IVF dates have been moved up to Friday, May 27th and Monday, the 30th. The first procedure is just 36 hours away! I go into St. Luke's at 6:00am this Friday for the egg retrieval. Then bed rest before and after the embryo transfer on Monday.

As I was watching the ultrasound monitor this morning, I noticed that all of the follicle sizes had increased dramatically (even after the medication doses had been reduced). Since I knew enough about the treatment process to recognize what was happening, I called Wade and told him that the procedures would probably happen sooner than expected. Then I called his parents to let them know that a change of plans may be in order. As usual, they were both supportive and flexible. Sure enough, Dr. Silber's office confirmed my suspicions this afternoon and ordered my HCG injection for tonight (which means my eggs will be ready Friday morning).

Although I have fewer mature follicles than the December IVF, I am hopeful about the outcome. I have to be optimistic and hopeful...and relaxed. After Friday's procedure, I will know the exact number of eggs retrieved; however, we won't find out how many embryos survive until Monday morning, just before the transfer. We're praying for at least four, but I'll be relieved if three are viable. Last time, only two were available for implantation.

All in all, I'm happy about the way things have progressed. I definitely prefer action over waiting. Now I'm scrambling to complete all of the tasks on my "To do" list, so that I can put my mind at ease before a week of mandatory rest and recovery. One more load of laundry and a cart full of groceries ought to do it. The way I look at it, I've got a week's vacation coming up. What a blessing!

Praying for a successful IVF, Ramona

The Great Healer

We met with Dr. Silber this afternoon. He offered his condolences for our miscarriage and informed us that he believes the results of the embryonic genetic testing to be erroneous. In his opinion, the lab inadvertently tested my tissue instead of that of the fetus. Consequently, the testing showed normal female chromosomes when the fetus was, indeed, chromosomally abnormal (hence, the miscarriage). Although Dr. Silber had no hard evidence of this, he seemed convinced that the baby had a genetic issue that kept it from developing correctly. And, he said the lab's error was not uncommon. Scary.

As for our current situation, Dr. Silber recommended that we allow each embryo to undergo genetic testing prior to IVF. According to doc, he would use the process to identify embryos with genetic abnormalities and exclude them from being transferred during IVF. Our chances of pregnancy would naturally decrease (with fewer embryos available), but our odds of having another miscarriage would be much fewer. It may come as a surprise to some, but I felt strongly that we should not do the testing.

Here's why: 1) I believe that God is sovereign over all. That includes our IVF...and, as far as I know, He does not listen to statistics or lab results. 2) By Dr. Silber's admission, the lab makes mistakes and may accidentally omit a perfectly viable embryo from the process. 3) The testing is at least $4500, in addition to the $16K. That's no pocket change. To me, there are three compelling reasons to forgo the pre-IVF genetic testing. I'd rather put my future children in the hands of the Almighty than a room full of scientists. Can I get a witness?!

In God's hands, Ramona

Grandparents and Upcoming IVF

Wade's parents just left after a lovely weekend visit. We always enjoy having them here, and Liliana was especially sad to see them go. It's been wonderful for Liliana to have so much time with her grandparents (Grammy Joy, too) during the early stages of life. Even though all of her grandparents live far away, she sees them regularly enough to know them and love them! A huge thanks to Grammy and Grandfather for Liliana's new turtle sandbox. She loves playing in it!

This Wednesday is our appointment with Dr. Silber. I'm anxious to hear what changes he'll make to the medication regimen during the upcoming IVF process. I'm really hoping he has big ideas for improving my number of eggs (which potentially increases the number of viable embryos). I'm experiencing more anxiety as the target date approaches. Hopefully this meeting will put some of it to rest.

Here's to sunny days. Enjoy this beautiful weather, St. Louisans!

Standing Still

Here I am, less than a week away from the big dance. My spirits are high, which says a great deal considering I have aching muscles, a stuffy nose and ovaries the size of grapefruits. I am quite uncomfortable sitting, lying down or moving--which pretty much leaves standing still the only remaining option. And standing still doesn't really fit in with the active lifestyle of a 2-year-old.

Medically, Dr. Silber's team think "things look really good." I have 18+ follicles getting ready for aspiration on Sunday, and I'm doing my best to stay positive and calm. The doctor says that being calm is the most important ingredient to a successful IVF (and here I always thought it was the merging of eggs and sperm). Calm...hmm, I wonder when Dr. Silber last tried to wrangle a toddler. Serenity is difficult to achieve, but I'm doing pretty well given the circumstances.

Today we have had a reading marathon. My personal favorite (in Liliana language) is "Beauty and the Beef." She also loves to watch "DBDs" and use colored "pentils" in her favorite colors: hot pink, cotton candy and brownie. Her favorite songs are "Santa Bebe" and "Ipsy Bipsy Spider." Oh to be young again!

I came across the following poem today. There's a similar and more powerful version written by Erma Bombeck, but this one is blog-able:

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.

~Diane Loomans, from "If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again"

Hope you have a wonderful day!
God bless you and yours,
Ramona

Overjoyed

I feel so blessed! God has created a miraculous change in my body, and I'm completely overjoyed. As of Friday, my uterine lining was 4mm--much too thin for implantation of embryos--and now it is 8.3mm! The ultrasound technician couldn't believe the dramatic change, so she measured it a second time just to be sure. Praise the Lord--this kind of transformation can only be from Him!

Additionally, the ultrasound showed 18+ follicles that are growing steadily. That's a very good thing. I'll know more about the hormone levels and the overall progress this afternoon when I speak with Dr. Silber's team.

Because of the positive change in my lining, I will now be able to undergo the egg aspiration and empbryo transfer this month. The target dates remain the same (Dec. 17th and 20th, respectively), and we are thankful that Dad and Mom Wicht will be coming to help during that time.

Please pray that things will continue to go well and that IVF will lead to a child (or two)! Also, pray that my health will improve, as I am battling an upper respiratory infection.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support. May Christ's love fill your heart this Advent season!
Ramona

Heavy Hearted

My heart is very heavy today. On this day last year, my father passed away...and all of the emotions associated with his life and death have suddenly come to the surface. I'm not very good at being sad. I come from a long line of strong and independent women, so it's uncomfortable for me to experience sorrow. I'm also a very positive person, so feeling down doesn't really fit in to my agenda. Rather than allowing myself to be in the moment, I'd much rather focus on the needs of others so that I can minimize my own grief.

That being said, things aren't going well on the IVF front. The bleeding has been very heavy since yesterday morning. Dr. Silber's IVF team can't figure out why this is happening. They're going to meet with Dr. Silber this afternoon to confer about this anomaly. They are supposed to call me back before the close of business today.

In God's perfect timing, Casting Crowns' "Praise You in this Storm" just began playing on JoyFM as I sit here needing to do exactly that. [Scroll down to see the lyrics to the song in my 2nd post.] Now I can't help but smile and thank the Lord for the many, many blessings in my life. Speaking of which, my precious Liliana is dancing around on the bed shouting, "Wiggle, wiggle!" What a joy.

Time to jump on the bed like a two-year-old and forget my cares for awhile. Thank you for being here.