Bye Bye Acid Reflux

Thank you, modern medicine! After only 24 hours on her medications, little Leila Madeline is doing much better. What an answer to prayer. Yahoo!!

Although I've been pretty exhausted lately, I felt adventurous enough to take the girls to the pool today. Leila enjoyed a cool spot in the shade while Liliana did her thing on the slide and diving board. It was a nice treat for Liliana, who has been graciously going with the flow since little sister arrived. Of course, all of the pool moms oohed and aahed over the newest member of the swim community. The pool outing was quite the juggling act, but an enjoyable break from the confines of our humble abode.

Thanks for lifting Leila (and the entire fam) up in prayer. We are ever grateful!

Doctors and Drugs

I'm in the midst of medical mania. For the past couple weeks, I've been experiencing severe headaches, which I've tried (operative word) to manage with a combination of medication, massage, stretching, exercise, Active-On and prayer. Sunday after church, my headache started raving, and a host of other crazy symptoms joined the party. My right eye went berserk and lost it's ability to see straight, while my brain forgot how to communicate to my mouth. Since my sentences no longer matched my thoughts, some crazy phrases came out. Even Liliana looked at me and said, "Mama, what are you talking about?!" As soon as Wade took one look (and listen) at me, he rushed me to the hospital.

The staff at St. Luke's thought I might be having a stroke, so they hooked me up to a bunch of shiny contraptions, took a CT scan and monitored my vitals. They were so uppity about my condition that they wouldn't even let me go to the potty! After confirming that I wasn't stroking, they observed my behavior, sent blood to the lab and finally let me pee--in a cup! After "resting" in the ER for a few hours and allowing the doctor to experiment with a host of painkillers, I finally went home. I was so thankful that I didn't have to stay overnight as originally expected. My bedroom is much more comfortable and quiet than the hospital.

Since returning home, my life is all about doctors and drugs. Primary doc yesterday, MRI this afternoon and neurologist tomorrow. Lots of medicine in between.

On top of that, I'm supposed to be "taking it easy"--whatever that means for a busy mother with a huge To-Do list, clients to call, an adoption situation stamped "urgent," and a 3.5-year-old who doesn't slow down.

All in all, life is a little overwhelming right now. But I'm so thankful to be feeling a little better, thinking a little more clearly and able to potty whenever I feel like it! Please pray for strength, rest, wisdom and guidance. Your support means the world!

Blessings,
Ramona

IVF and Insurance Coverage

Today I received my second prescription order via Fed Ex. The first was $1200, and this one was $1500. [I share the financial figures only to help readers more fully understand the process.] Our insurance does not cover fertility treatments--not even the medication. And we are not the exception to the rule. Most insurance companies do not pay for any fertility related expenses. They cover the diagnosis, but not the treatment. It's a shame. BCBS covers impotence treatments and Viagra, but they do not provide infertility coverage. It seems that the company values the function of the male sex organ, but does not care equally about the female reproductive organs. Candid, but true.

There are several states that have mandated fertility coverage by insurance companies. One of them is Illinois, which is just across the river. Wade and I have seriously considered a change of residence and/or employment in order to acquire the insurance benefits. In Illinois, three cycles of IVF are covered automatically. For us, that would translate into over $45,000. That's a huge amount of money!

Most European countries cover all costs related to infertility and advanced reproductive technologies. Many of them also provide several months of paid maternity and paternity leave! Other nations appear to understand the value of pregnancy and childbirth more than the U.S. Our country is so advanced in so many ways, but so primitive in others. It's astounding.

For couples who struggle with infertility in the U.S., treatment is considered a luxury. Every expense is out-of-pocket. When I began using fertility medication, I learned (the hard way) that various pharmacies charge different amounts for the same medication. As a result, I looked high and low for the best prices. During my 1st IVF cycle, I ordered from New York and London, which offered the lowest cost and reasonable shipping.

Thankfully, St. Louis also has one of the top pharmacies in the country (IVP Care), which is helpful when the doctor calls with a last minute orders and prescriptions that must be filled immediately. For this round of IVF, I actually used IVP Care for all of my meds, because they offer a substantial discount for 2nd and 3rd-time IVF patients. I think I saved about 15% overall...a sizeable amount of pocket change.

Anyway, I hope this information helps with gaining a better understanding of the financial challenges facing couples with infertility. I recognize that I am very fortunate to have a healthy child and this opportunity to undergo a 2nd IVF, and I hope that individuals and companies in the U.S. begin to place a higher value on the reproductive health of our nation. Fertility problems are difficult enough without the financial burden of treatment costs.

Here's to counting our blessings and improving our way of life. May God bess you and yours! Ramona

A Diagnosis

I woke up feeling so bad today that I immediately made an appointment to go see my D.O., Dr. Chao. After examining me, he indicated that I have a serious sinus infection that was resistant to the round of Keflex I took two weeks ago. No wonder I feel worse than ever! He prescribed Omnicef and gave me a $20 coupon and four days in samples. Free stuff...that's one of the reasons Chao's been my doctor for 10 years.

And yes, JohnnyB, I did give up this season of 24 in my utter exhaustion. I wasn't kidding when I said it was serious! Wade and I decided to skip the rest of the season and watch it when it comes out on DVD. Knowing us, we'll probably knock it out one weekend.

TGIF! Enjoy your weekend, Ramona

Attack of the Killer Zzzzz's

Sleep is no longer my friend. I used to love my slumber (and sometimes covet it, I must admit). But after so many months of nightmares and difficulty falling/staying asleep, I'm ending the friendship! I feel like I've exhausted the resources--lavender, warm showers, milk, melatonin, Tylenol nighttime, Lorazepam, a comfy specialty mattress. Maybe I should use them all at once! Kidding.

Please pray that I would sleep well. My desire is to always be a blessing to others. When I am well-rested, I am my very best self. And when I'm sleep deprived...watch out!

Here's to a good night's rest. Ramona

Recovering

Although I do my best to post every day, I just couldn't (I mean, I literally physically couldn't) until this morning. I have been so ill that yesterday I thought I might be lying at death's door. Thankfully, I didn't have the energy to knock!

At this very moment, a heavy course of antibiotics is karate-choppin' the critters that caused this infection. I feel about 50% better today. At least I can move and talk, which is more than I could say 24 hours ago. Liliana will actually have a Mommy today, not just a warm (well, hot and cold and hot and cold) body on the sofa.

We have a busy weekend, starting with an event tonight that I definitely don't want to miss. Please pray that everyone in this home would be healed of our ailments. Wade and Liliana have also been under the weather. Oh, and apparently Smooch was sick, too; but we had no idea until we found him floating in his bowl yesterday. Sad, but true. When it rains, it really pours!

A giant thanks to Ward and Becky for an opportunity to dine out. We plan go to White Castle next week when we're all feeling good as new. Okay, just kidding about WC--the thought of that greasy food makes my stomach turn. We'll put the "voucher" to better use, don't you worry!

All the best to you and yours! Stay well and stay safe. God bless! Ramona

Bittersweet News and a Thankful Heart

As we continue to grieve the loss of our third child, my sister, Monica, just gave birth to her second son. Both Monica and Russell (my brother) are several years younger than me (4 and 5 1/2 years, respectively), and neither has had a single problem with fertility. At this point, they each have two children.

Of course, I love my siblings dearly and feel joy for their growing families. At the same time, however, celebrating with them is bittersweet for me. I guess you could say it brings many years of suffering and disappointment to the forefront. And right now, my pain is already as fresh and raw as it gets. If it weren't for this funny little character building a lego tower next to me, I don't know what I'd do. Thank the Lord for Liliana! She is truly our little miracle.

I'm also very thankful for the beautiful women in our church family. Last night I attended a social event to welcome our new pastor's wife (who is just fabulous). Throughout the evening, my heart was warmed by the encouragement and support I received from women I respect and admire. It was such an uplifting experience. I feel so blessed to be a part of a godly community of gals who love one another so well.

A special thanks to our dear friends and fold elders, Barb and Cid, for the gourmet meal last night. We were so delighted to take a break from frozen dinners! Poor Wade and Liliana are ready for the home-cooked meals to begin again. Slowly, but surely, Mommy's getting back into the swing of things.

My back and neck are giving me a great deal of pain right now, making it difficult to take care of business. (I still can't believe I fell down the stairs!) Fortunately, I'm getting by with an lovely cocktail of Lorazepam, Darvocet and Vicodin. Tomorrow's doctor visit will give us a clearer picture of the damage, and we'll be able to devise a treatment plan. Hopefully we're not looking at a long, intensive therapy regimen. I'm ready for the drama to end!

When It Rains, It Pours!

I am such a mess! This morning I went upstairs to get Madagascar so Liliana and I could dance to "I Like to Move It, Move It." And on the way back, I fell down the stairs. Yes, I totally fell down the stairs. Initially, I was in so much pain that I thought I broke my back and arm. I laid at the bottom of the stairs, calling for Wade to come help me while poor Liliana looked on in tears.

Rather than go to the ER and wait for hours (and spend a small fortune), I opted to try my D.O., whose office is just around the corner. I did not want to go to the hospital again--I've been there too much lately. So I convinced Dr. Chao's staff to work me in.

According to my doc, I strained several back muscles and sprained my neck muscles. My arm and hip are bruised, but okay. Because of my long history of back problems (starting with collegiate diving and intensified by car accidents a couple years ago), this fall did some damage.

My back, head and neck are aching. I am now taking Darvocet for pain and Lorazepam as a muscle relaxer. The Darvocet helps, but it's not doing the trick for my headaches. I contacted Chao's office to ask for something stronger. Hopefully, they'll oblige. Ironically enough, it looks like my sleep problems will be addressed by the Lorazepam, which doubles as a sleeping pill.

Can you believe this craziness? Out of the frying pan and into the fire! Part of me is thinking, "Is one person supposed to go through this much at once?" And the rest of me has to laugh, because it's almost comical. You know those movies where the main character encounters one problem after another after another throughout the film (like Meet the Parents). Well, that's how I feel right now. It's crazy!

If I wasn't overwhelmed yesterday, I certainly am now. We're taking everything an hour at a time, but we're making it through. Thank goodness for medication. Otherwise, nurturing a toddler would be out of the question today.

Here's to a better tomorrow! May God bless you.

Insomnia

This morning, Liliana and I spent two hours in our pajamas on the sofa, just snuggling and watching children's television shows. Although I typically try to limit her daily TV intake, today was an exception. I was so exhausted and in major need of some TLC with my sweet girl. The only time she cuddles is while she's in front of the tube, so I just let it happen. Certainly one day isn't going to stunt her intelligence...and we sure enjoyed our Mommy-daughter pajama party!

Insomnia continues to plague me. My sleep issues began with my pregnancy and intensified after my miscarriage. I've been taking melatonin for two nights (per the suggestion of my BFF who's in med school). The melatonin has decreased the amount of time it takes me to fall asleep; however, it does nothing for my middle-of-the-night awakenings. This morning, I awoke to, "Mama, Mama, Mama!" feeling as if I didn't sleep a wink.

My body is ultra exhausted every night, but I can't seem to turn off my thoughts. I've tried meditation, lavender aromatherapy, Benadryl, and now melatonin. I'm trying not to resort to prescription meds until I've run out of options, because I'm afraid they'll keep me from hearing Liliana if she needs me in the wee hours of the night. Any suggestions? I'd love to hear your ideas.

Hoping for a restful nap right now...

Broken, but Not Beaten

Yesterday was very trying, both physically and emotionally. We spent the majority of our day at St. Luke's Hospital. Wade and I had our blood drawn for genetic testing, and the fetal tissue was sent to a lab for evaluation. According to Dr. Pineda, the D & C procedure was performed without complication. However, the evening was filled with countless tears and debilitatingly painful after-effects of the procedure.

Last night, I was physically exhausted, ultra emotional and suffering from so much cramping and pain that I couldn't function. After a 600mg dose of ibuprofen and 1000mg of acetaminophen, I asked Wade to call the on-call MD for something more potent. At 11:00 pm, just when the pain was unbearable, Wade returned from Walgreens with Tylenol plus Codeine. Although it helped with the pain, something in the medicine prevented me from sleeping. So here I am at 2:30pm-- awake and writing--thanks my long-lost friend, Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi. I guess you could say that caffeine is my consolation prize for having to endure this trial...that, and no more bruised and battered behind from progesterone shots.

On a positive note, we have been so encouraged by our family and friends during that past couple of days. So many of you have called, emailed, prayed, sent cards and commented on the blog. From the bottom of my heart, thank you! Special thanks to Bill and Mary (Wade's parents) for treating us to McAlister's after we found out about our miscarriage. A huge thank you to our life-saving friend and neighbor, Stacy, for taking time away from work to care for Liliana while we were at the hospital. Our appreciation to our oh-so-thoughtful friend, Kelly, for providing a delicious meal for us last night. For those of you I'm forgetting, there will certainly be more thanks to come.

It is so beautiful to feel lifted up by the ones we love in our greatest time of need. Thank you! Our prayer today is that you may know how grateful we are for your continued outpouring of love.

In God's unfailing grace, Ramona