A Gift from God

I am on cloud nine right now! We met with our baby's birthmother this evening, and it couldn't have been a more beautiful and fulfilling experience. It is so clear that God has led us to this place in our lives and connected us with this young woman. She is truly a gift. We are totally elated and completely at peace about this process. Praise God for this glorious blessing!

Overwhelmed with Emotion

My heart is very heavy today. My pregnancy test was negative, and we are now grieving the fact that we will never hold our two precious children this side of heaven. It's an emotional day for us. And if that weren't difficult enough, I also received very sad news about a family situation. So many thoughts are tumbling through my mind that I don't know what to say.

As far as my pregnancy test goes, I guess I'll start with the medical side. My beta hCG level was less than one, which basically means there's no sign of pregnancy whatsoever. The only way the test could be wrong is if the lab made a major mistake, but that is highly unlikely. As I recently posted, I was fairly certain I was going to get my period instead of a positive test result. The last shred of hope fell away when I heard the nurse's tone of voice on the phone. I immediately knew the IVF had failed.

Wade seems to be taking it harder than in the past. He really wanted to believe a pregnancy was probable, despite the negative signs we saw the past couple of days. Since his hopes were so high, he had a long way to fall when we got the results. Plus, with each failed attempt, Wade is gradually realizing the seriousness of our struggle with infertility. Please remember him in your prayers during this time.

As for me, I've been acutely aware of the challenges we face for quite awhile. Today I'm sad, disappointed, frustrated and a little angry. It's incredibly difficult to hope and sacrifice for so many months, just to learn the treatment failed. But then again, I know I did everything humanly possible to ensure success. The outcome was in God's hands...and now our babies are in His hands eternally. Six unborn children in heaven--it's hard to wrap your mind around a concept like that.

While I am sad that I will not see and touch my children in this lifetime, I am so glad to know that I will know them one day. They are with the Savior now, and I will be with them for eternity. What parent doesn't want their child to know the Lord and have an eternal place in heaven? I rejoice in that fact and rest in God's promises for the future.

I am also so infinitely thankful for the daughter I hug and kiss and hold every single day, as well as the hope of having two embryos for a future transfer. I am blessed in so many ways, and I do not lose sight of that for one moment. As I grieve this temporary loss, I will continue to delight in my family, friends and good fortune. And I will trust in God's perfect timing.

Thank you for lifting us up during this trying time. May you be richly blessed, Ramona