Mothers

Mothers have the greatest potential influence in this world. 

To my sweet friends who yearn to be mamas, do not lose heart.  You have a glorious purpose, right now.  Trust that God is always good and His timing is always perfect.

To saintly, but exhausted mommies of small children, soak up every moment.  In the blink of an eye, they will be grown.  Hold them. Love on them. Play with them.  Sleep will come (well, that's what I've heard anyway).

To patient and anxious moms of teenagers:  listen, lead by example, look for reasons to praise your ever-changing adolescent...oh, and pray without ceasing.  Then pray some more.  There are few things more powerful than the faithful prayers of a mother.

To selfless mothers of twenty-somethings, your children are starting to comprehend what a gift you are.  They're even beginning to realize that you're a human being.  Give yourself a pat on the back.

To wise mamas of newlyweds, stay connected.  Your loving advice is welcome.  Meddling, not so much. 

To doting grandmothers of grandbabies, your children still need you.   So do your grandchildren.  Spoil them all rotten, and then go take a nap.

To grieving mothers of angels, you are not alone.  May you feel divine comfort and find peace that passes all understanding.  Like me, you have a grand reunion waiting in heaven.

To fellow motherless daughters, may we treasure the gifts we still have and be grateful for every moment we had with our mamas.  Our moms hold our hands for a short time…our hearts for a lifetime.

Connecting

After less than three weeks in Mississippi, I find that I am quickly embracing my inner Southern Belle. My tendency toward a fast-paced way of life is showing signs of a slowdown, and my Midwestern accent has adopted a slight drawl. And, of course, I've always appreciated a cleverly accessorized outfit and a perfectly coiffed mane!

The people I've met are so friendly and caring, and it seems that many folks are going out of their way to help us feel welcome. We also dived head-first into church and community activities, which has accelerated our ability to get connected. Apart from intermittent moments of sadness and longing, I'm starting to feel more at home. I still miss our St. Louis lives, but I also see great things ahead here.

I wish I could say the same for sweet Liliana. She has been having a very difficult time adjusting to the new environment. She asks to go "back home to Missouri" almost daily, and she frequently cries about missing her friends, school and our neighborhood. Her behavior has been extremely hard to manage, and her mood seems to swing by the minute. To make matters worse, it appears that poor Liliana is experiencing effects of a concussion sustained on Halloween eve. Her balance and coordination are so out of whack that she continually falls and/or has accidents involving her head & face. On top of all that, she has also been battling a viral infection for the past few days. So, please remember her in your prayers...and lift up her health and heart to the Great Healer!

As I close, I must express our heartfelt thanks to those who continue to support and encourage us along this journey. We are so grateful for family and friends, old and new!

Many blessings,
Ramona

Two Blessings

I'm in love with my girls. Here are some highlights of this week. Above, Liliana recites a Bible verse and sings "Amazing Grace." She is such an independent, loving 3.99 year old...and I'm proud to be her mommy!

Below, Leila displays her growing repertoire of expressions and vocalizations. She's such a sweet, happy girl...and I feel blessed by her presence in our family.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Leila "talks" to me...

Liliana talks to God...

Two Months

One of the things we often hear is how Leila Madeline fits right in with our family, and how she resembles Liliana as a baby. Here's Liliana when she was Leila's age. Although Liliana refused to show her sweet dimples, it's clear to see the similarity between the girls. One major difference: Liliana had a three-pound head start!

Yesterday was Leila's 2-month well-baby visit. Our pumpkin weighed in at 10 lbs., 13 oz., despite the recent increase in projectile vomiting. Due to a concern that Leila may have pyloric stenosis, the doc ordered an ultrasound at St. John's Mercy. Just three hours after her exam (and four painful shots), poor Leila had to undergo another round of poking and prodding.

Suffice it to say that there was a great deal of crying and screaming. And that was just my part! Seriously, though, Leila raged so hard at the hospital that we almost took her to the ER. After an hour of trying every soothing trick in the book, she finally calmed down enough to take her home. Sweet girl was so exhausted...and so were we!

Throughout the rest of the evening, Liliana held Leila's hand and kissed her on the head while saying, "It's alright, baby Leila. You'll feel better soon." Oh, they're so adorable together! I think they're going to be the best of friends!

I digress. So, a day of drama to determine that Leila has severe acid reflux and a spasming pylorus (no stenosis, praise the Lord). We had the opportunity to watch her organs function as the doc performed the ultrasound...which was pretty cool, but not worth a moment of our sweetie's suffering. We are now waiting to hear from the pediatrician to discuss how to proceed with Leila's treatment. We're praying for an effective strategy to alleviate all pain and discomfort.

Well, that's our Monday. Hope your week is terrific!
Blessings,

Smiling Faces

Today was Liliana's 2nd day of school. And, yes, I did get her to school on time (thank you very much). She loves her teacher and her classmates, and I'm so thankful. Today I picked her up as the students were lining up to leave. As she walked away from the group, I heard at least seven little voices yell, "Bye, Liliana!" That was the highlight of my day.

The rest of our day was meltdown city. Chalk it up to adjustment. After all, this is her first week of school.

Yesterday I met with Leila's birthmother at Bethany's office. It was wonderful to spend some time with her, and it seemed like she enjoyed spending time with Leila & me. Leila showed off her superb eating and pooping skills. Two of the nastiest diapers ever. At least she was true to form!

Leila Madeline has been smiling at me A TON today. She's been alert and interactive for two-hour stretches, which makes life more interesting.

Here are some photos from earlier today. Enjoy!

My Baby Is All Growed Up

Today was Liliana's first day of school! Here she is at the door, ready as ever. What an exciting occasion for Liliana, and what a bittersweet time for me. I'm so proud of the little person she has become and thrilled to see what God has planned for her. Yet, it's also sad to experience the first step toward the day when she flies away from our comfy little nest.

I thought, for sure, that I would bawl my eyes out. Fortunately for me--and unfortunately for her--my emotional connection was quickly thwarted when I realized that we were, indeed, not 10 minutes early for a 9:00am start, but rather 20 minutes tardy for an 8:30am start! I was mortified! How I could have made that mistake, I'll never know. But I will certainly not forget that I made my daughter late for her first ever day of school.

Award for Loving School on the First Day: Liliana
Award for Untimely & Socially Aloof Mommy: Ramona

Welcome to my world.

A Few Notes

Woo-hoo!!! Leila slept from midnight to 8:00am, and I feel like a new woman. I know it may not happen again for several days...but there's now light at the end of the sleepy tunnel. Hooray for Leila!

Our lives have been a bit hectic these days with planning for the start of school, preparing for a friend's wedding and spending time with my BFF Cindy (who is in town for 6 weeks)...not to mention plenty of preschooler antics and an unpredictable newborn. It's definitely a good kind of busy, but crazy nonetheless.

Here's Cindy, Kristen (the bride) and me at Kobe Tuesday night.

Liliana will be the flower girl in Kristen's wedding tomorrow. I can't wait to share a photo of her in the most gorgeous & glamorous get-up. Last night was the rehearsal, and Liliana did a wonderful job. I was so proud of her, especially since children of this age tend not to cooperate when all eyes are on them. She was the life of the party, hanging out with all of the adults--and saying the funniest things. I wish I had recorded her interactions throughout the night.

Oh, how I love parenthood and it's many unexpected rewards!
Blessings,

Our New Normal

There's nothing like a trip to the beach to escape the stress of life, and there's nothing like coming home to relax after a long trip! We're so glad to be back to "normal" life--albeit a very new kind of normal.

Now that we're settled in, we're experiencing what it's really like to be a foursome. Leila Madeline is as sweet as ever, although she has definitely discovered the power of her vocal cords. She sleeps about 18 hours a day (often snuggled up to me in the ergo carrier--like right now). Wade is back to work, and Liliana is enjoying her typical daily activities. When Leila is awake, Liliana takes a break from her dolls (or bike or sandbox) to love on her little sister. As for me, I'm sleep-deprived and covered in spit-up, but the baby in my arms is worth every un-glamorous moment.

I am overjoyed to have two little girls, and I'm so thankful that God has entrusted us with Leila Madeline. She is a blessing to our family, but I must honestly say that adoption is a difficult road. The uncertainty of this process (particularly with the ongoing risk) continues to weigh on me--day in and day out. I try to place my trust in God and put my anxieties aside, but it's much easier said than done. The uneasy feeling is always present--and probably will be for the next 45-75 days (depending on how things unfold)--and it's so hard to just enjoy the moment.

Please pray that Leila is home to stay and that our hearts would know peace and comfort in the midst of this stressful process. Also, please lift up Leila's birthmother, Dana, and her family as they continue to adjust to their new normal. I think about them often and look forward to their role in our child's life.

Despite the inescapable uncertainty, this is an intriguing and beautiful adoption story...and what an amazing Author! All glory and praise to our loving God.

In the Know

Some of our good friends just delivered their precious baby boy (and boy, is he adorable)! They're the only real people we know who have successfully adopted embryos. What a beautiful thing. Should we decide to proceed, we will use the same medical group, the National Embryo Adoption Center. Click on the preceeding link to take a looksee!

Back To Life

Life is back to normal now that Liliana is potty trained. I know there will be accidents from time to time, but she's already very confident and consistent--nothing but victory for the past two days. Praise the Lord! I developed a serious case of cabin fever during OPT, so it was so wonderful just to get out of the house and run errands today. We both needed a change of scenery.

I'm so ready for spring--warmer weather, green grass, colorful flowers, birds chirping and outdoor activities. I know winter has a great purpose, but I'd be perfectly happy with one day of the cold stuff. I guess I'm just a warm-weather kind of gal. Who's with me?!

Bring on the spring! Ramona

OPT: Day Four

Yippee! Liliana is on a roll! She put all of the numbers where they belonged today, without a single accident. She even took care of business during a couple of more difficult situations. Also, Liliana is no longer having so many false-alarms at nap & bedtime. Today she actually followed through every time but one. Another step in the right direction. We no longer have a need for the timer, and jelly beans are out the window tomorrow!

I am so thankful that Liliana is gaining confidence and consistency. I can feel my stress level decreasing by the hour. It wasn't fun to have potty on the brain every second of the day. Whew! I forgot how tough it is to be on high-alert 24/7. I guess this is sharpening me for the upcoming months of caring for an infant. Bring on the sleepless nights!

Please pardon my four days of potty-mouth. I hope and pray I have written my last post about pee. Thanks for sticking with me through OPT. Hope your weekend was filled with good things!

Ramona

OPT: Day Three

Day three of OPT has been a success. Although my big girl had one big (and messy) accident at naptime, the rest of the day was perfect. Wade and I are so thankful that this transition has been relatively smooth.

It seems that our biggest challenge will be nap & bedtime. While we want to honor her requests to go potty before bed--and the first hour or so thereafter--we're finding that she asks five or six times before falling asleep. The frequent and unproductive trips are testing our patience (the cabin fever doesn't help), but we don't want to say no when she may really have to go. It's difficult to know where to draw the line. Seasoned parents, feel free to weigh in.

Thankful and exhausted,
Ramona

OPT Update (W/ Addendum)

My little champ is staying consistent on her second day of potty training. She had a couple of accidents first thing in the morning, and the rest of the day has been filled with successes. All of her #2's have made it in the water. Hooray for that! In fact, she seems to be most confident in that area (if you get my drift).

After Liliana awoke from another 3+ hour nap with a dry pull-up, we got a little bold. Against friendly advice, we took Liliana to the grocery store and Walgreens. We knew it was a gamble, but I just HAD to get out of the house (I haven't left in over two days). I packed an extra change of clothes, and we were off! Our outing lasted about an hour, and Liliana did not have an accident. This is going much better than I anticipated. Yahoo!

We also have some adoption situations to consider. One looks very promising (Yippee!!), while the other is out of our range. It's very exciting to have possibilities as we wait. Instead of feeling like I'm sitting on my hands, it seems like we're doing something. That's a good thing.

Tootaloo!

The Score

At the end of the day, the score is...

Potty: 12 (#1 & #2)
Floor: 1
Pull-up (during nap):1

After an accident first thing in the morning, Liliana pottied like a champ. I'm so proud of her--so proud. What more could a Mommy want? Okay, maybe a decrease in the frequency would be nice. But other than that...an all-around great day. I am both thrilled and exhausted!

In the midst of learning to use the little girls' room, Liliana said the funniest things! As I was trying to monitor her first successful attempt, she bluntly said, "Leave me alone." Standing outside the door, I politely explained the term "privacy" and reminded her of good manners. She finished her business, and all was well. The next time she went in the bathroom (and every time thereafter), Liliana confidently asked, "Mommy, may I please have a little privacy?"

The word for the day was definitely independence. From her disdain for the timer to her strong desire for privacy, this day was all about gaining independence and mastering control of her little body. Way to go, Liliana!

A side note: I did not give additional liquids or salty foods. I attribute her frequent trips to the sweet taste of being a big girl and the even sweeter taste of Jelly Bellies. Rest assured, the treats are out the door by Sunday.

Thanks for your encouragement and advice!

OPT: Progress

Liliana is napping peacefully. What a relief. This potting training thing is exhausting! (Calgon, take me away. By the way, does that brand even exist anymore?)

At this point, the score is Potty: 1 Floor: 1 [That's progress!]

Following my last post, I tweaked the strategy. After Liliana protested the 30-minute intervals several times--to the point of tears, I realized that the schedule was (in her mind) insulting her intelligence. It really seemed like she saw it as an affront to her ability to recognize the urge. And I didn't want avoidable negativity to affect Liliana's progress. So, to keep the experience positive and capitalize on Liliana's desire for control...I dropped the mandatory perches on the potty and used the intervals as gentle reminders. So far, so good.

Of the 100 schools of thought on potty training, all of them disagree and none of them take into account my daughter's specific personality. You'd think the so-called experts would have it figured out by now! So, until there's a tried and true method, I'll just use the most helpful hints and trust my instincts.

Liliana's nap is now approaching the three-hour mark. I haven't heard a peep since I closed her door. If I didn't know better, I'd say she's just hiding in her room and pretending to sleep in order to avoid this new challenge. But I know that's not the case. My girl never met a challenge she didn't lick!

Stay tuned...

OPT: The Next Phase

After receiving lots of helpful feedback, we've decided to take Operation Potty Train to the next level. In fact, boot camp started this morning! As of 8:00am, diapers are out and undies are officially in. Of course, she'll wear pull-ups to bed. As a defense tactic, I rolled up the rugs and lined the sofa with towels. No, I didn't cover the floor with newspapers (although the thought crossed my mind).

I'm taking Liliana to the potty every 30 minutes. In the past, she's always responded positively to a timer (because it's not Mommy telling her what to do). However, she's been protesting loudly, saying "There's nothing in there!" or "No way I can do it right now!" I'm hopeful that her attitude will become more positive as the day goes on. After following our strict regimen for two hours, she has refused to let even a trickle fall in the water.

At 10:30am, the score is: Potty: 0 Floor: 1

Yes, this is quite the riveting situation. I know everyone is on the edge of their seats with Liliana's potty-training efforts, so I'll try to post regular updates.

Keep the great ideas coming! Since potty training isn't my area of expertise (and since all of the articles and books contradict one another), it's nice to get so many helpful hints!

Classified Information

We're beginning phase one of "Operation Potty Train" this week. Our mission: to finally say, "Good riddance!" to $35 boxes of Huggies Size 6. After months of hinting, looking at an ugly plastic potty chair and regular showings of "I Can Go Potty," Liliana recently became interested in putting the numbers where they belong.

(Cue the chorus)
Halleluiah!

It seems that this may be our opportunity to finally reach this elusive milestone. So far, the mission has resembled fireworks. It started with a bang, but quickly fizzled out.
Monday Liliana had two successful rounds of #1 and #2 on the big porcelain chair, with a soft Backyardigans attachment to prevent her from going swimming. She initiated both potty successes (thus kicking off our mission).

Yesterday was a different story. We wanted to go for the gusto, so we changed things up. We started with a pull up diaper to make it easier for her to take care of business. Apparently it felt too much like a regular diaper, because the thing was wet and yellow--despite reminders at 30-minute intervals.

Next we tried undies. The first go 'round, she started to pee and caught herself midstream. After successfully finishing the deed on the potty, we stuck with the strategy. Less than 20 minutes later, she came running in my direction, leaving an unpleasant trail of wetness in her path. When I finished taking care of her soggy pants, I found (the hard way) that the sofa was the original scene of the crime. Into the bath went Liliana, and into the laundry went two pairs of pants (hers and mine).

After that, I thought it best to reinstate Monday's blueprint for success. I put her diaper back on, reminded her to use the potty and took away the pressure. The result: nothing, nada, zilch. Today has been just the same.

A side note: We tried potty-training about six weeks ago, and it seemed that Liliana hadn't mastered the ability to "hold it" for any reasonable length of time. She tinkled every time she had the urge--at least five times in the first two hours. After covering the floor with pee, we realized that she wasn't ready.

So, now we have a dilemma. Do we abort mission and wait for her to show more signs of readiness? Do we go back to undies and let the pee fall where it may? While I want this to happen when she's ready, I also don't want to miss the golden opportunity. Seasoned parents, you are welcome to provide feedback and tricks of the trade!

Adoption Situation

We've had some excitement around here the past couple of days. While we've been nursing Liliana back to health (after a big, bad case of pink eye and upper respiratory infection), we've also been deliberating about an adoption situation. We were given 48 hours (the deadline was noon today) to consider the information presented to us and make a determination whether to take the next step.

It's difficult to describe the process we just went through--and what we undergo each time we receive a situation from our social worker at Bethany. In order to understand our thoughts and emotions, you'll need to know the kind of information we receive. Although I don't plan to share all future descriptions, I thought it would be helpful for you to see one example. Here's what we received Wednesday, exactly as it was written:

Due Date - 3/15/08
Gender/Race of Baby- Female, Caucasian
Description - Expectant mom is receiving prenatal care. She is choosing not to name the birthfather. Legal risk period will be 30 days after birth. She reports no drug or alcohol use during the pregnancy, but has struggled with drug addiction in the past. Expectant mom has been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Mixed Personality Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, and ADHD. The second diagnosis can be described as an unspecified disorder that does not meet diagnostic criteria for a specific personality disorder. She has been on antidepressant medication during pregnancy, closely monitored by her doctor. Also, the expectant mother's biological mom has bipolar disorder. Expectant mother wants baby to be placed outside of the state. She would like pictures and letters of baby as baby grows up.

(This is an out-of-state adoption situation. I specifically chose not to share the location in order to ensure the privacy of the birth mother.)

When I initially read the description, I felt a mixture of excitement and concern. Although I was happy to see no reports of drug, alcohol or nicotine use during pregnancy, I had to acknowledge the slight risks associated with prescription antidepressant medications. Of greater concern was the family history of mental disorders. As mental health professionals, Wade and I understand all of the diagnoses involved, and we have seen these struggles first hand. We also know that the predispositions for mental disorders are inherited (just like heart disease and other physical illnesses). However, having a disease in the family is no guarantee that the child will also suffer from the illness. The predisposition may be present, but a nurturing and supportive environment can limit or completely prevent the symptoms.

My other major concern was the fact that no information was presented about the baby's father. Because we don't know anything, we have to be ready for everything. As Wade and I discussed all of the possibilities, we realized that there's always going to be a leap of faith involved. We're never going to know every piece of information, and we ultimately have to leave the baby's future health in God's hands.

As we wrestled with our major concerns, we also had to consider several other factors: the timing of this placement, required out-of-state travel, financial preparations and the level of openness desired by the birth mother. The travel isn't a huge issue, because we have friends in the birth mother's area. Although it would require planning and time off for Wade, we'd be able to handle it. The due date is just around the corner, but we've been preparing for months. To be honest, we were ready yesterday! Financially, we still are still working to acquire the necessary funds without incurring debt. However, we'll take out a loan if need be. As far as the mother's desire for pictures and letters is concerned, we're happy to oblige. And we'd be thrilled with a boy or a girl, so gender is not a deciding factor.

After careful and prayerful deliberation, we felt led to proceed. With this decision comes the willingness to welcome this child into our family...very soon. Additionally, we must prepare to travel on short notice at least twice, possibly for upwards of two weeks at a time. Finally, we must do what it takes financially.

So what happens next? Sometime next week, the expectant mother will view our profile. In this particular situation, the mother may view literally hundreds of profiles (this is not typical--usually 5-7 profiles are shown). Because 75 Bethany offices received the situation, and each office sent out the info to all of their actively waiting families--this expectant mother could have 75+ booklets by next week. That's a huge number of families to consider! Since the baby's due date is only a month away, I'm sure she'll be making her decision as quickly as possible. If it's a match, we should know right away. If it's not, we may not hear anything for a couple of weeks.

The situation is now out of our hands and completely resting in God's. He led us to this point, and now all we can do is wait. We know that He has set this child apart for a specific family, and He will make the perfect match. Should He choose our home, we will be ecstatic. Should it be another, we will have total peace. Please pray that God's will be done in this situation and that we continue to honor and glorify Him throughout this process.

Blessings to all! Ramona

Loving Motherhood

I heart motherhood! Never before have I learned so much or been so blessed. As I watch my daughter grow and develop, I stand in awe of how we are all so beautifully and wonderfully made. At only three years old, Liliana experiences the entire range of emotions, including empathy, compassion and intense love. It is one of the most fulfilling feelings in the world when I witness Liliana give, share and offer other gestures of kindness and friendship. Motherhood is a dream come true!