Lovin' the Great Outdoors

We're so thankful for spring weather in St. Louis! Our family is all about the outdoors, so the warm weekend was such a welcomed treat. Liliana relishes the opportunity to "help" in the yard--digging, planting flowers and watering plants. We wear matching gardening gloves, and she feels so grown up when we ask her to complete tasks. Here's Liliana in the tree in our front yard, just after we watered the garden.

Another favorite activity is bike-riding. Her little legs pedal so fast that the bike can't keep up! Lately she's been doing tricks, like riding with no hands, putting her feet on the handlebars, kicking her legs straight out, and standing up on the seat...all while the bike is in motion. What a daredevil!

On another note, Liliana has been blowing our minds with her incredible vocabulary. And she remembers almost everything she hears. Yesterday I asked her (for the 2nd time) if she washed her hands after playing outside. With a kind, but firm tone, she replied: "Mommy, I already told you that I washed them. Please don't ask me again. My yes is yes, and my no is no." Talk about hearing your own words come out of someone else's mouth! I heart motherhood!

Waiting on God

God makes a promise, faith believes it, hope anticipates it, patience quietly awaits it.
~Unknown

Considering Concurrent Adoptions

Despite perceived setbacks with our adoption desires, God has protected our hearts and minds from discouragement. Yes, I experienced momentary frustration regarding the state guidelines, but my eyes remain steadily focused on God's call for our future.

Right now we find ourselves trying to discern the specifics of God's will. We are certain that we have been called to adopt a child (multiple, in fact) into our family. And there are things we must do in order to make that happen. We've completed our part with the agency (except the patient waiting), and now the rest is in God's hands.

With such a long and unpredictable road--and to avoid being on a wait list later--many families are pursuing concurrent adoptions. As we wait and deliberate, Wade and I both feel led to consider this option for our family. (It's pretty amazing that we share the same zest, because we were in very different places a year ago.) In these situations, the agencies work together to ensure that the adoptions occur at least 6 months apart. However, with the current lull, it's likely that they'd be much further apart.

This is tricky gray area. While we want to recognize our desires and take a proactive approach, we don't want to be overzealous and step outside of God's will for our lives. If you are led, please pray for wisdom, guidance and discernment in this area.

...Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done!

State Adoption Sidelined

Just days after submitting our application for a state adoption, we heard from Jennifer, the foster and adoption coordinator at the Missouri Department of Social Services. I was so thrilled to get her voicemail that my mind started spinning out all kinds of potential scenarios. Jennifer and I played phone tag for several days, so I had a substantial period of time to let my mind go crazy. Unfortunately, my excitement came to a screeching halt quickly after Jennifer and I connected.

According to Missouri's rules, families cannot be considered while they are actively working with another agency. Sad, but understandable. Furthermore, infants are rarely eligible for adoption until they reach the age of 15 months. Regardless of the abuse or neglect a parent has shown to previous children, expectant parents have 15 months to show that they have been reformed. So each baby born to an offending mother lives in limbo for over a year of it's life to see if mom or dad can get it together. Sad, and inexcusable.

Having worked with severe cases of child abuse and neglect in the past, I find this policy to be quite disturbing. In my experience, about 1% of unfit parents regain the ability to be healthy caregivers. Even Jennifer agreed that the system is hard to stomach. According to her, the rule exists only to prevent legal appeals, not to protect the best interests of children. So sad.

I am disappointed that we will be unable to adopt through this avenue, but I'm more disgusted with the system. It's so frustrating that the rights of offending parents trump the rights of innocent babies..and, as usual, the people who desire to be parents are sidelined. It's just not right.

There's my soapbox for the day. This is a setback, but I'm not going to let it get me down. I am extremely grateful for where we are, and I'm even more hopeful for the future.

Chicago Weekend

We celebrated Mothers' Day weekend in Chicago. Wade had a conference for work, so we made it into a long family weekend. Liliana and I checked out Bloomingdale and the Indian Lakes Resort during Wade's sessions, and we spent time together in the evening.

The remainder of our mini-vacation was spent in downtown Chicago, where we hoofed it around town.

We took a trolley to Navy Pier, but didn't hail a cab the entire weekend.

Left: Wade and Liliana in front of the giant ampitheater.

Liliana especially loved the area surrounding the Art Institute. With its gardens, fountains, statues and millions of pebbles--she was in heaven. She especially enjoyed pretending the pebbles were birdseed.

Although the weather was on the chilly side, the sun made an appearance from time to time...and we soaked it up!

Believe it or not, this traveling puppet show was one of Wade's favorite attractions. Of course, Liliana got a kick out of it...but Wade talked about it for hours.

The highlight of my trip was a crazy good restaurant (and my new favorite) called The Grand Lux Cafe. The food and atmosphere were so incredible that we went back for Mother's Day breakfast. If you go to Chicago, you owe it to yourself to dine at the Grand Lux on Michigan Avenue!


Liliana loved Navy Pier. With so much to see and do, we spent half a day there. Our hotel was right in the heart of the Magnificent Mile, so we were close to all of the action.

Left: Liliana playing near the dancing fountains at Navy Pier.

No trip is complete without a visit to Rainforest Cafe! We were all enamored with the tropical ambience, and Liliana was thrilled to be surrounded by her favorite animals.

Minus the challenging 3-year-old behaviors, our Chicago adventure was delightful! The only thing that could have made our trip more spectacular would have been spending time with our Chicago-dwelling pals (who were all unavailable). We missed you guys!

Here's to Chicago & a memorable Mother's Day!

Happy Mothers' Day Weekend!

Happy Mothers' Day to each and every mama--you are a hero! Imagine yourself in this video...

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Try JibJab Sendables!

The Lion and the Lamb

The following story moved me to tears this morning. For instant heart-warming, be sure to watch the brief video by clicking the enclosed link. Amazing!

Six years ago, a Columbian woman found an injured and malnurished lion on the verge of death. She took him home and nursed him back to health. After the lion made a full recovery, the woman released him to the custody of the local zoo. When she visited him to see how he was doing in his new environment, this was the reaction she received. Love conquers all, indeed!

Diggin' the Yardwork

We're in the midst of a serious yard overhaul. It's been exhausting for Wade and absolutely thrilling for Liliana. She is excited by every new opportunity, even the tasks we deplore (e.g., shoveling & moving dirt). Here she is with her little shovel, just loving the big boys (neighbor kids) who are helping with the project.

Below, Liliana finds a "wiggly, squiggly, squirmy wormy" and examines it. That's my girl!

Four Baby Swallows

The eggs have hatched, and we now have four baby swallows living in the wreath on our front door. All five eggs hatched, and one baby fell out of the nest. The poor baby didn't make it, so Wade gave it an (im)proper burial. The next photo is a close-up that shows a couple babes sleeping piggy-back. And yes, that is bird poop all around the edge of the nest. Yuck! It's a small price to pay for watching this little miracle unfold each day. Now if we could only get a baby human on our doorstep!

Big Decisions

After prayerful deliberation, Wade and I have decided to pursue a second adoption. Our hearts are bursting to love and care for a house full of children, and we are realizing that each adoption probably will take years! Believe it or not, we have already been waiting five months with no sign of a potential match. At this rate, we'll be using baby strollers as our walkers!

Having researched the various options, it seems that the most natural choice is to apply with the Missouri Department of Social Services. Rather than going with another agency, this will diversify our options and allow us to access a different group of children in need. We are sending our Home Assessment Application today. This is uncharted territory, so we don't know what happens next. Stay tuned!

Spring is in the Air

We're in spring cleaning mode around here. It's a great feeling to know exactly what you have and where to find it. What a concept!

Here's to spring weather and a simpler, more organized life!

Oh, My Aching Head

It's been a rough week of migraine headaches...so I didn't accomplish much of anything (hence, no posts). Looking back, it's pretty amazing that I was able to care for Liliana, keep my family fed and see clients. So far, today looks like it's going to be migraine-free. Thank you, Lord!

Here's to a new lease on life!

Rare Footage

This is valuable photo for us. I liken it to a clear image of Bigfoot for scientists. This is hard evidence of a rare phenomenon in our family: Liliana sitting still and snuggling. Some believed it to be impossible. And now there is proof. I plan to frequent the Metrolink with the hope of recreating the moment that inspired Liliana nestle into my lap. It'll be worth every penny.

Go Cards!

Liliana attended her first Cardinals game last week. We had a ball with friends, Rachel and Jacob, who attended with us. It was a real treat to ride the Metrolink train, eat ballpark snacks and meet Fredbird! The Cards lost, but we had a wonderful time!

Earthquake!

Everyone in the Midwest is talking about it this morning...and we're no exception.

At 4:37am, I dreamt that I was lying in a vibrating bed--you know, the 1970's motel beds that shook for a quarter (and hopefully no longer exist). Then, nature called on line one. I headed to the potty--and, much to my surprise, the toilet was vibrating, too. I thought, "This sure is a strange dream." It was at that moment the fog rolled away and I realized this was no dream. The entire house was shaking...and it was an earthquake!

By God's grace, I was able to go back to sleep...but not before feeling the wonder and awe of the event. This morning, I learned the details and was completely amazed. It's hard to wrap your mind around this kind of thing. I mean, the earthquake was three hours away, on the IN/IL border...yet it was strong enough to wake us from dreamland in St. Louis. I can't imagine the terror and destruction experienced by those on the fault line...and others around the world who've known much, much worse.

This was my first experience with an earthquake. Although it was mild (and actually kind of cool) for us, I know that the effects were devastating for others. My heart and prayers go out to those who are picking up the pieces. May God hold them in the palm of His hand.

Four, Four, Four

A friend sent me a fun little "get to know ya" thing. I'm game. Although you're technically supposed to email the answers, I'm going to take it to blog-world. After all, each of my friends stop by from time to time. Here goes...

A) Four places that I go over and over:
Church & Edwards House
St. Louis Public Library
Trader Joe's
Sam's/Walmart
(In summer, the pool tops the list)

B) Four people who email me regularly:
Kate
Stacy
Dad W
Heather

C) Four of my favorite places to eat:
Houlihans (#1 in St. Louis)
Crescent City (#1-in Mississippi)
First Watch
Chevy's Fresh Mex

D) Four places I would rather be right now:
on a warm, sunny beach in Kauai
traveling the world
in southern IN with family
in southern MS with family

E) Four people I think will respond:
Mostly applicable for email

F) Four TV shows I watch all the time:
The Office
House
American Idol
Fox News (any and all)

If you're willing to share, I'd love to know your answers (to one or all). Feel free to post away in the comment section!

Bird Watch

There are now FIVE eggs in the nest! I have no idea how five baby Robins will fit in this tiny home, but we're on pins and needles waiting for them to hatch! Wow, I never imagined it could be so exciting to have birds move in. Guess I'm easily amused.

A New Addition

Okay, I thought my prayers were pretty specific...but maybe not clear enough! This week, we received an addition to our family. Much to our surprise, a fearless robin built a nest in the wreath on our front door. While we were deliberating about what to do (concerned that a visitor may lose an eye to a protective mama bird), an egg appeared in the nest. Yesterday, a second egg. This morning, a third!

If you come to our home, please approach with caution. Better yet, wear sunglasses!

Overflowing Hearts

Tonight was our weekly small group marriage study, during which Liliana spent time in our church's children's program. One of the caregivers had her precious foster baby with her, and Liliana was in love. She could not take her eyes (and hands) off of the tiny little girl, and she continued to talk about the baby as we were driving home. My heart was overjoyed to observe Liliana's tender and caring spirit; yet, it aches to know that our adoption may be weeks, months or even years away.

I know that God's plan is perfect, and I trust His timing. However, sometimes I wonder what's wrong with NOW? I mean, it seems that this is the ideal time for our family to grow...and yet there seems to be no movement in the adoption process.

Our life is good--very good--but it would be even richer with another member in our family. Our hearts are overflowing. Please pray that I would be patient, content and a blessing to others as we wait for our little one to come home.

In His grip,
Ramona

Thoughts of a Three-Year-Old

Here are quotes from Liliana during the past week...

Aye aye, Mama!

The bathroom is full of chemicals and viruses.

Do you enjoy conversation?

I'm exercising to keep my body strong and healthy.

Mama, can we please talk about this later?

Let's keep first things first.

State your problem, Daddy.

I'm going to hatch a plan.

I live in a foxhole, Mama.

What's your heart's desire?

S-T-O-P spells popcorn shrimp.

I'm gonna rock this town!

Treasured Friends

Wade and I are involved in an amazing small group Bible study on Wednesday evenings. We're studying the marriage relationship, using the book Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. This is a life-changing study for us, not only because of the weekly dose of marriage insight, but also because of the incredible relationships we're building.

This dynamic group has been a Godsend for us. We are able to laugh, cry and be totally real with one another, knowing that we are accepted and loved unconditionally. I highly recommended it. We all need supportive individuals to encourage and hold one another accountable.

Wade and I have so many wonderful friends, both in and apart from this small group...and we are so deeply grateful. Several years ago, we felt completely unattached to St. Louis and it's community. Now we couldn't imagine leaving. Thank you to all of our friends, near and far!

A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two men can stand back-to-back and conquer. ~Ecclesiastes 4:12 NLT

A faithful friend is a strong defense; and he that hath found him hath found a treasure. ~Louisa May Alcott

A World Made Anew

About three weeks ago, I was granted a new lease on life...and I feel like a new woman! Not only are my spirits brighter, but I've also become more productive and discovered deeper fulfillment in my daily life. My regular naps have been replaced by energizing workouts (averaging well over an hour each day), and I'm enjoying every minute of it. I'm eating right and finally sleeping well. And my consulting business is booming! In the midst all of these improvements, I'm even cooking creative meals for my family every night. I feel healthier, stronger and more balanced every day, and I am so thankful!

God is so good to me. God loves us; not because we are lovable but because He is love, not because He needs to receive but because He delights to give. ~C. S. Lewis

See each morning a world made anew, as if it were the morning of the very first day...treasure and use it, as if it were the final hour of the very last day. ~Fay Hartzell Arnold

Here's to a wonderful week!

Good Times

Those who know us are acutely aware of the fact that Wade and I are c-razy (as in zany, not loony--although some might disagree). And Liliana is not far behind. We all love to act silly and enjoy life. When I was younger, I naively believed that "the kid in me" would completely vanish by the time I hit 30. So much for that!

Here's a photo from our recent neighborhood parents' night out. I highly recommend regular partay nights--just the adults. Let the good times roll!

Our Own Little Easter

This Easter was the first major holiday we've celebrated "alone" in St. Louis. In the past, we have traveled out of state for Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas to spend time with family. We all really missed being with our loved ones, but we also enjoyed being at home & spending time with friends.

We began the day with the early service at church, where our pastor delivered a touching and compelling sermon on Christ's resurrection.

After the service, we had an opportunity to spend time with friends at a reception. We filled up on so many yummy treats that brunch at First Watch flew out the window.

Upon returning home, Liliana engaged in a solo Easter egg hunt. Even though I took care in finding clever places to hide the eggs, Liliana found all but one. The girl's got skills!

After collecting the eggs and Easter "happies," Liliana brought her basket upstairs to take inventory. She spent several hours organizing and playing with her goodies that afternoon (and each day since). I never realized that the plastic eggs would keep her occupied for so long!

Liliana has always been an organizer. When she was just two years old, she lined up all of the items on a shelf at Tuesday Morning and exclaimed, "I'm orgeenizing!"

When Liliana's moment in the spotlight faded, Wade received his Easter bowl (in lieu of a basket).

Fortunately, the Easter bunny knew exactly what he likes...Reese's peanut butter eggs, Hershey bars with almonds, Cracker Jack, Pringles and beef jerky.

Not exactly an Eastery combination, but it certainly made Wade happy!
After nap, Liliana and I painted eggs. Liliana was very serious about creating a masterpiece on each egg. When Wade walked in the kitchen and made a comment, she sternly said, "Daddy, please don't talk. I'm concentrating on my art." She's something else!

Today she sang to me as we shopped, "I love you a bushel and a peck; a bushel and a peck, and a hug around your neck. A barrel and a heap, a barrel and a heap; talking in my sleep about you."

Happy Tuesday to you!

Happy Easter!

From our family to yours, may you have a blessed Easter!

In the Hunt

Despite raging rivers and tundra temps, the show has gone on! Our own little leading lady participated in her first outdoor Easter egg hunt ever. Hundreds of children descended on Vlasis Park and clamored for eggs amidst the mud and grass. Within two minutes, the entire hillside was completely bare. When all was said and done, Wade and I looked at one another in disbelief. I've honestly never seen anything quite like it.

When we returned home, Liliana took inventory and had a ball with her new playthings. She "organized" the plastic eggs and handfuls of candy for an hour without asking to sample a single morsel. What a surprise!

May this Easter bring true joy as you celebrate our risen Savior.

Many blessings,

Ramona

Down Came the Rain

The park near our home, covered with water and debris.

Hwy 141 at 44, our major pipeline in and out of the area.

As you may know, our area is experiencing major flooding. Despite living on the cusp of Fenton & other towns you're seeing on Fox News Channel, we have been only mildly affected by the deluge. However, we haven't seen the worst of it yet. According to the word on the street, the most worrisome rivers & creeks will crest sometime tomorrow.

So far, Wednesday was our worst day. Our basement took in water, and we're still in the process of cleaning and repairing. At this point, many of the nearby roads & highways are being closed. We have three ways out of the valley, and only one is blocked by water. Unfortunately, it's the major thoroughfare for this area. But, we're dry...and that's a blessing around here.

While there is a hint of excitement that accompanies this flood (i.e., local and national news helicopters constantly flying overhead), it has turned much of Missouri into a disaster area. Our hearts and prayers are with those who have had to abandon their homes for higher ground. Please pray for the many who are suffering in Missouri, especially as the situation intensifies.

Many blessings,
Ramona

25,000 and Counting!

Last night The Journey reached a milestone. By God's grace, this journal has been viewed over 25,000 times! What's more, the visitors have come from 745 cities in 58 countries & territories! While these figures are tiny compared to the heavy hitters, they are a wonderful affirmation for little ol' me.

Thank you so much for being here and for sharing a few steps of my journey. I hope my words touch, inspire or encourage you in some little way. You've certainly been a blessing to me!

Talking Back

Conversation in the church parking lot as we're getting in the car...

Mona: "Liliana, hop in your seat. Daddy, please buckle her in."
Wade: "That's alright, I'll let you do it."
Liliana: "Daddy, we don't talk back to Mommy."

That's my girl!

Patience and Praise

It's been three weeks since we've had any communication with Bethany regarding adoption possibilities. Even though it's a short time in the grand scheme of things, each day feels so long when you're yearning to love another little one. Sometimes it seems like our adoption is never going to happen. Of course, I know that's not true. It's just a matter of trusting that God is working out the details. And we have no doubt about His faithfulness.

God shows His unfailing love on a daily basis, sometimes in subtle ways and other times in overwhelming ways. Lately, it has been the latter. Over the last month, God has completely provided for the financial aspect of our adoption. The seemingly insurmountable obstacle was hurdled in divine fashion. We could never have anticipated the ways God provided, and we are so humbled and grateful for His provision. We are also thankful to the individuals who contributed to our adoption fund. Your kindness is much appreciated!

As we wait for a match, we pray that we may have contentment and be a blessing to others.

Joy comes from knowing God loves me and knows who I am and where I'm going...that my future is secure as I rest in Him. James Dobson

Better Than Ever

Believe it or not, I'm feeling better than ever! Not only are my spirits brighter, but I'm also sleeping better, waking more refreshed, and working out daily. Finally! After years of fertility treatments, pregnancies and miscarriages, my body was exhausted. No wonder it went on strike! Things are really looking up now, and I'm so thankful.

Thank you for your support, encouragement and prayer,
Ramona

Springing Forward

I am happy to report that the past few days have been much brighter. I've been employing all of the mood-boosting strategies in my psychological playbook, and they're beginning to pay off. Thank goodness! After a rough winter, I'm looking forward to a happy and healthy spring.

Sharing the Wealth!

When I come across a good thing, I have to share it! Children's Place Outlet (at the St. Louis Mills) has an unbelievable sale going on. If you have children, especially a little girl, you do not want to miss this! Racks upon well-organized racks of fashionable, high-quality clothing for unbeatable prices. Yesterday I stocked up for the next two winters--adorable hooded sweaters, colorful corduroys, pink camo pants, darling long sleeved shirts--and nothing was more than $2.99. I kid you not. So enjoy this beautiful weather, but don't miss the sale!

*No, I do not own stock in Children's Place, and I am not being compensated for this endorsement.

That's Amore!

Al Dente!

Liliana is a whiz in the kitchen. Tonight she helped me make a divine taco salad for dinner. Just a few spills and mishaps...but memorable mommy-daughter cooking!

I love the way Liliana's ponytail sticks out through the opening in the back of the toque (that's "chef's hat" to you Americans). She could barely hold the heavy frying pan long enough for me to snap the picture.

More than anything, Liliana loves to sit on the counter. I guess, for her, it finishes off the big girl persona. She's potty-trained and sleeping in a big-girl bed without a rail...so why not rule the kitchen?

Speaking of potty training, I feel so free without a diaper bag! I do not miss changing diapers one iota; wiping tushies is a step up!

Our after-dinner routine typically includes Mama cleaning up the kitchen while Daddy and Liliana play chase or "Dun Dun Up High." The game's silly name comes from the song we hum while playing. After many months, DDUH never fails to make Liliana smile a big, bold, teeth-bearing grin!

Maybe we'll use this tactic to induce a smile next time we go to Picture People. Looks like it works well for Daddy, too!

Sad, But True

I haven't been myself since our last miscarriage. After weeks of "the blues," sleep issues, and a host of other symptoms, I've come to the difficult realization that my body is not snapping back to normal like it has in the past. It's hard to admit, especially here.

I don't know whether these negative effects are a result of the fourth miscarriage or the combined & cumulative effects of the fertility treatments, pregnancies and losses. Either way, my physiological balance is definitely out of tune.

As a mental health professional who strives to be healthy (and teaches other to do the same), I know all of the tips and tricks for improving mood. And, rest assured, I'm implementing every single one of them. I'll soon be back to normal, so please bear with me during the ups and downs of this tune-up. Your prayers and support are treasured.

Blessings,
Ramona

Ditto

" "

My Thoughts Don't Fit Into Words

God understands our prayers, even when we can't find words to say them. Thank goodness. I'm having one of those days.

Animated Me

Okay, I'm not a techie, but I am having fun with this Voki thing. I can make her (me) laugh, sing or say whatever pops in my head! Liliana enjoys hearing my voice come out of the cartoon's mouth. She said, "Mommy, she sure looks like you!" Then, after hearing my intro a few too many times, I heard her call to me from the top of the stairs, "Ra-mo-na!" That's when I shut it down.

I love that some of you are entertained by the way she follows the cursor! I also dig the arch in the background (it wasn't easy to find). What do ya'll think of this technology? Any song requests?

Snow Day

Today we experienced a virtual blizzard, with over a foot of snow blanketing the entire metro area. Most (if not all) schools we closed, and many businesses were dark and quiet.

Snow plows were so busy on the arterial roads that they did not get to the residential areas. As a result, getting around was very tricky. Because most of our 'hood is uphill, people without 4-wheel drive were out of luck. We now have dozens of cars parked at the entrance, where neighbors bailed and hoofed it to their homes.

Of course, we tried to make the best of the snow day. Once it finally stopped snowing, we ventured outside. Liliana kept diving into the snow like it was water. And for some reason, she could not stop eating it! Every time I looked at her, she had a mouthful of snow. After several attempts at curtailing the behavior, I cautioned her about the yellow and brown snow...and let her enjoy the new sensation.

Wade worked from home today. When he went out to clear our driveway, he was startled to find a hug snow barricade blocking his car. After further deliberation, Wade realized that the obstacle was definitely man-made. A short investigation revealed that two of our crazy neighbors (you know who you are, Clay & Steve) rolled snow all the way down the street to create a massive barricade. At left: Wade is pictured lifting a small part of the structure and moving it into the yard.

What an adventure!

Don't Push Send

My all-time favorite artist, Carrie Newcomer, humorously capturing a more recent social phenomena. If you've ever regretted a hasty click of the "send" button, you will definitely relate...

I was introduced to Carrie's rich, angelic vocals back in 1990 at DePauw University, where she performed at "The Hub." Although The Hub is long gone, my love for Carrie remains as strong as ever. Her albums are the staple in my philharmonic wardrobe. Carrie eloquently blends real-life experience with wise observation and powerful emotion. As the chapters of my own life unfold, I am deeply impacted by the beauty and truth in Carrie's words. Her songs grip my heart like nothing else.

In the Know

Some of our good friends just delivered their precious baby boy (and boy, is he adorable)! They're the only real people we know who have successfully adopted embryos. What a beautiful thing. Should we decide to proceed, we will use the same medical group, the National Embryo Adoption Center. Click on the preceeding link to take a looksee!

Embryo Adoption

As we wait to be matched for adoption through Bethany, we are revisiting the prospect of embryo adoption. It's a fairly new process, in which families adopt donated embryos from couples who had more than they needed for IVF. The adoptive mother then goes through FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer), almost identical to what we experienced last July. Although we researched "snowflake" adoption several months ago, our interest has been renewed--and it continues to grow as we encounter adoption situations that involve exposure to harmful substance and/or little prenatal care. Please pray that God would grant us wisdom and guidance as we consider all of the adoption possibilities.

Blessings,
Ramona

Adoption Excitement

I am thrilled to report that Wade and I submitted our profile for another adoption situation. This one is very exciting for us--a healthy baby girl with good prenatal care and no drug exposure during the pregnancy. And we'll be one of only 19 families considered by the expectant parents. Much better odds than the more difficult situation we accepted (which we assume wasn't a match after two weeks of silence).

Our prayer is that God brings our little one home soon. Our hearts are bursting to love and care for another child, and Liliana is ready to welcome her brother or sister.

Blessings all around,
Ramona

A Special Shout Out

Happy Birthday, Wade!

Lots of love on your day,
Ramona

Back To Life

Life is back to normal now that Liliana is potty trained. I know there will be accidents from time to time, but she's already very confident and consistent--nothing but victory for the past two days. Praise the Lord! I developed a serious case of cabin fever during OPT, so it was so wonderful just to get out of the house and run errands today. We both needed a change of scenery.

I'm so ready for spring--warmer weather, green grass, colorful flowers, birds chirping and outdoor activities. I know winter has a great purpose, but I'd be perfectly happy with one day of the cold stuff. I guess I'm just a warm-weather kind of gal. Who's with me?!

Bring on the spring! Ramona

OPT: Day Four

Yippee! Liliana is on a roll! She put all of the numbers where they belonged today, without a single accident. She even took care of business during a couple of more difficult situations. Also, Liliana is no longer having so many false-alarms at nap & bedtime. Today she actually followed through every time but one. Another step in the right direction. We no longer have a need for the timer, and jelly beans are out the window tomorrow!

I am so thankful that Liliana is gaining confidence and consistency. I can feel my stress level decreasing by the hour. It wasn't fun to have potty on the brain every second of the day. Whew! I forgot how tough it is to be on high-alert 24/7. I guess this is sharpening me for the upcoming months of caring for an infant. Bring on the sleepless nights!

Please pardon my four days of potty-mouth. I hope and pray I have written my last post about pee. Thanks for sticking with me through OPT. Hope your weekend was filled with good things!

Ramona

OPT: Day Three

Day three of OPT has been a success. Although my big girl had one big (and messy) accident at naptime, the rest of the day was perfect. Wade and I are so thankful that this transition has been relatively smooth.

It seems that our biggest challenge will be nap & bedtime. While we want to honor her requests to go potty before bed--and the first hour or so thereafter--we're finding that she asks five or six times before falling asleep. The frequent and unproductive trips are testing our patience (the cabin fever doesn't help), but we don't want to say no when she may really have to go. It's difficult to know where to draw the line. Seasoned parents, feel free to weigh in.

Thankful and exhausted,
Ramona

OPT Update (W/ Addendum)

My little champ is staying consistent on her second day of potty training. She had a couple of accidents first thing in the morning, and the rest of the day has been filled with successes. All of her #2's have made it in the water. Hooray for that! In fact, she seems to be most confident in that area (if you get my drift).

After Liliana awoke from another 3+ hour nap with a dry pull-up, we got a little bold. Against friendly advice, we took Liliana to the grocery store and Walgreens. We knew it was a gamble, but I just HAD to get out of the house (I haven't left in over two days). I packed an extra change of clothes, and we were off! Our outing lasted about an hour, and Liliana did not have an accident. This is going much better than I anticipated. Yahoo!

We also have some adoption situations to consider. One looks very promising (Yippee!!), while the other is out of our range. It's very exciting to have possibilities as we wait. Instead of feeling like I'm sitting on my hands, it seems like we're doing something. That's a good thing.

Tootaloo!

The Score

At the end of the day, the score is...

Potty: 12 (#1 & #2)
Floor: 1
Pull-up (during nap):1

After an accident first thing in the morning, Liliana pottied like a champ. I'm so proud of her--so proud. What more could a Mommy want? Okay, maybe a decrease in the frequency would be nice. But other than that...an all-around great day. I am both thrilled and exhausted!

In the midst of learning to use the little girls' room, Liliana said the funniest things! As I was trying to monitor her first successful attempt, she bluntly said, "Leave me alone." Standing outside the door, I politely explained the term "privacy" and reminded her of good manners. She finished her business, and all was well. The next time she went in the bathroom (and every time thereafter), Liliana confidently asked, "Mommy, may I please have a little privacy?"

The word for the day was definitely independence. From her disdain for the timer to her strong desire for privacy, this day was all about gaining independence and mastering control of her little body. Way to go, Liliana!

A side note: I did not give additional liquids or salty foods. I attribute her frequent trips to the sweet taste of being a big girl and the even sweeter taste of Jelly Bellies. Rest assured, the treats are out the door by Sunday.

Thanks for your encouragement and advice!

OPT: Progress

Liliana is napping peacefully. What a relief. This potting training thing is exhausting! (Calgon, take me away. By the way, does that brand even exist anymore?)

At this point, the score is Potty: 1 Floor: 1 [That's progress!]

Following my last post, I tweaked the strategy. After Liliana protested the 30-minute intervals several times--to the point of tears, I realized that the schedule was (in her mind) insulting her intelligence. It really seemed like she saw it as an affront to her ability to recognize the urge. And I didn't want avoidable negativity to affect Liliana's progress. So, to keep the experience positive and capitalize on Liliana's desire for control...I dropped the mandatory perches on the potty and used the intervals as gentle reminders. So far, so good.

Of the 100 schools of thought on potty training, all of them disagree and none of them take into account my daughter's specific personality. You'd think the so-called experts would have it figured out by now! So, until there's a tried and true method, I'll just use the most helpful hints and trust my instincts.

Liliana's nap is now approaching the three-hour mark. I haven't heard a peep since I closed her door. If I didn't know better, I'd say she's just hiding in her room and pretending to sleep in order to avoid this new challenge. But I know that's not the case. My girl never met a challenge she didn't lick!

Stay tuned...

OPT: The Next Phase

After receiving lots of helpful feedback, we've decided to take Operation Potty Train to the next level. In fact, boot camp started this morning! As of 8:00am, diapers are out and undies are officially in. Of course, she'll wear pull-ups to bed. As a defense tactic, I rolled up the rugs and lined the sofa with towels. No, I didn't cover the floor with newspapers (although the thought crossed my mind).

I'm taking Liliana to the potty every 30 minutes. In the past, she's always responded positively to a timer (because it's not Mommy telling her what to do). However, she's been protesting loudly, saying "There's nothing in there!" or "No way I can do it right now!" I'm hopeful that her attitude will become more positive as the day goes on. After following our strict regimen for two hours, she has refused to let even a trickle fall in the water.

At 10:30am, the score is: Potty: 0 Floor: 1

Yes, this is quite the riveting situation. I know everyone is on the edge of their seats with Liliana's potty-training efforts, so I'll try to post regular updates.

Keep the great ideas coming! Since potty training isn't my area of expertise (and since all of the articles and books contradict one another), it's nice to get so many helpful hints!

Classified Information

We're beginning phase one of "Operation Potty Train" this week. Our mission: to finally say, "Good riddance!" to $35 boxes of Huggies Size 6. After months of hinting, looking at an ugly plastic potty chair and regular showings of "I Can Go Potty," Liliana recently became interested in putting the numbers where they belong.

(Cue the chorus)
Halleluiah!

It seems that this may be our opportunity to finally reach this elusive milestone. So far, the mission has resembled fireworks. It started with a bang, but quickly fizzled out.
Monday Liliana had two successful rounds of #1 and #2 on the big porcelain chair, with a soft Backyardigans attachment to prevent her from going swimming. She initiated both potty successes (thus kicking off our mission).

Yesterday was a different story. We wanted to go for the gusto, so we changed things up. We started with a pull up diaper to make it easier for her to take care of business. Apparently it felt too much like a regular diaper, because the thing was wet and yellow--despite reminders at 30-minute intervals.

Next we tried undies. The first go 'round, she started to pee and caught herself midstream. After successfully finishing the deed on the potty, we stuck with the strategy. Less than 20 minutes later, she came running in my direction, leaving an unpleasant trail of wetness in her path. When I finished taking care of her soggy pants, I found (the hard way) that the sofa was the original scene of the crime. Into the bath went Liliana, and into the laundry went two pairs of pants (hers and mine).

After that, I thought it best to reinstate Monday's blueprint for success. I put her diaper back on, reminded her to use the potty and took away the pressure. The result: nothing, nada, zilch. Today has been just the same.

A side note: We tried potty-training about six weeks ago, and it seemed that Liliana hadn't mastered the ability to "hold it" for any reasonable length of time. She tinkled every time she had the urge--at least five times in the first two hours. After covering the floor with pee, we realized that she wasn't ready.

So, now we have a dilemma. Do we abort mission and wait for her to show more signs of readiness? Do we go back to undies and let the pee fall where it may? While I want this to happen when she's ready, I also don't want to miss the golden opportunity. Seasoned parents, you are welcome to provide feedback and tricks of the trade!

A Contagious Smile

I love the unique angle of this photo and the way it shows the sweet curves of my baby's face. Unfortunately, it also shows the puffy, pink remnants of her recent conjunctivitis. But we cherish these moments and the pictures that come with it, sickness and all!

My Valentine

Here's my funny valentine in her favorite outfit--jammies! She wants to be "comfy and cozy" all the time and even requests to stay in her PJs when we leave the house. Sometimes we honor her request. In fact, we both went to the store in our jammies on Friday evening. And I'm not talking about something that resembles normal clothing--I'm talkin' hot pink monkey PJs! Sometimes it's fun to cast your cares aside and be a little silly!

Adoption Situation

We've had some excitement around here the past couple of days. While we've been nursing Liliana back to health (after a big, bad case of pink eye and upper respiratory infection), we've also been deliberating about an adoption situation. We were given 48 hours (the deadline was noon today) to consider the information presented to us and make a determination whether to take the next step.

It's difficult to describe the process we just went through--and what we undergo each time we receive a situation from our social worker at Bethany. In order to understand our thoughts and emotions, you'll need to know the kind of information we receive. Although I don't plan to share all future descriptions, I thought it would be helpful for you to see one example. Here's what we received Wednesday, exactly as it was written:

Due Date - 3/15/08
Gender/Race of Baby- Female, Caucasian
Description - Expectant mom is receiving prenatal care. She is choosing not to name the birthfather. Legal risk period will be 30 days after birth. She reports no drug or alcohol use during the pregnancy, but has struggled with drug addiction in the past. Expectant mom has been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Mixed Personality Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, and ADHD. The second diagnosis can be described as an unspecified disorder that does not meet diagnostic criteria for a specific personality disorder. She has been on antidepressant medication during pregnancy, closely monitored by her doctor. Also, the expectant mother's biological mom has bipolar disorder. Expectant mother wants baby to be placed outside of the state. She would like pictures and letters of baby as baby grows up.

(This is an out-of-state adoption situation. I specifically chose not to share the location in order to ensure the privacy of the birth mother.)

When I initially read the description, I felt a mixture of excitement and concern. Although I was happy to see no reports of drug, alcohol or nicotine use during pregnancy, I had to acknowledge the slight risks associated with prescription antidepressant medications. Of greater concern was the family history of mental disorders. As mental health professionals, Wade and I understand all of the diagnoses involved, and we have seen these struggles first hand. We also know that the predispositions for mental disorders are inherited (just like heart disease and other physical illnesses). However, having a disease in the family is no guarantee that the child will also suffer from the illness. The predisposition may be present, but a nurturing and supportive environment can limit or completely prevent the symptoms.

My other major concern was the fact that no information was presented about the baby's father. Because we don't know anything, we have to be ready for everything. As Wade and I discussed all of the possibilities, we realized that there's always going to be a leap of faith involved. We're never going to know every piece of information, and we ultimately have to leave the baby's future health in God's hands.

As we wrestled with our major concerns, we also had to consider several other factors: the timing of this placement, required out-of-state travel, financial preparations and the level of openness desired by the birth mother. The travel isn't a huge issue, because we have friends in the birth mother's area. Although it would require planning and time off for Wade, we'd be able to handle it. The due date is just around the corner, but we've been preparing for months. To be honest, we were ready yesterday! Financially, we still are still working to acquire the necessary funds without incurring debt. However, we'll take out a loan if need be. As far as the mother's desire for pictures and letters is concerned, we're happy to oblige. And we'd be thrilled with a boy or a girl, so gender is not a deciding factor.

After careful and prayerful deliberation, we felt led to proceed. With this decision comes the willingness to welcome this child into our family...very soon. Additionally, we must prepare to travel on short notice at least twice, possibly for upwards of two weeks at a time. Finally, we must do what it takes financially.

So what happens next? Sometime next week, the expectant mother will view our profile. In this particular situation, the mother may view literally hundreds of profiles (this is not typical--usually 5-7 profiles are shown). Because 75 Bethany offices received the situation, and each office sent out the info to all of their actively waiting families--this expectant mother could have 75+ booklets by next week. That's a huge number of families to consider! Since the baby's due date is only a month away, I'm sure she'll be making her decision as quickly as possible. If it's a match, we should know right away. If it's not, we may not hear anything for a couple of weeks.

The situation is now out of our hands and completely resting in God's. He led us to this point, and now all we can do is wait. We know that He has set this child apart for a specific family, and He will make the perfect match. Should He choose our home, we will be ecstatic. Should it be another, we will have total peace. Please pray that God's will be done in this situation and that we continue to honor and glorify Him throughout this process.

Blessings to all! Ramona

Happy Valentine's Day!

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A Little N.O. in the STL

After experiencing Mardi Gras, we just had to bring a taste of the festivities back to St. Louis. Of course, that meant a party, a king cake and lots of beads, doubloons, cups and toys. Since it was a last-minute celebration, the crowd was small...but still plenty of fun! Pictured above are the gals: Stacy, Chris, Shauna, Missy, Mona and Torie.

Here are the guys: Wade, Clay, Tim, Jim and Ben. Once again, the camera caught Wade dreaming about king cake...or beignets...or chocolate.

And last, but not least, the kiddies: Grace, Joshua, Liliana, Nick-Nic, Alyce, Caden, Tyler and Peyton. They were definitely the life of the party, especially at 10:00am. Next time, we'll have an evening shindig. It's difficult to get into the carnival spirit first thing in the morning.

More Mardi Gras Fun

Beads, beads and more beads! Stuart, Carter and Cole model their Mardi Gras goodies. Each year, we catch hundreds of fistfulls of beads and assorted goodies during the parades. We keep the unique throws and share the rest with our friends and family. This year, we had more than enough to go around!

All hail the king! Here's our neighbor, Clay, who had the good fortune to find a tiny baby in his cake. Here's the story of the King Cake...

The King Cake is a brioche-style cake traditionally made throughout the State of Louisiana during the weeks prior to Mardi Gras. Usually oval in shape, the King Cake is a bakery delicacy made from a rich Danish dough (which is a sweetened yeast bread...a cross between a coffee cake and a French pastry) and covered with a poured sugar topping decorated in the traditional Mardi Gras-colored sugars of purple (symbolizing Justice), green (symbolizing Faith) and gold (symbolizing Power). This colorful topping is representative of a jeweled crown in honor of the Three Wise Men who visited the Christ Child on Epiphany (a word derived from the Greek meaning "to show"). Epiphany, also known as Twelfth Night (i.e., January 6) is when the Carnival Season officially begins.

The King Cake tradition is believed to have begun with French settlers around 1870, who were themselves continuing a custom which dated back to Twelfth Century France, when a similar cake was used to celebrate the coming of the Magi twelve days after Christmas bearing gifts for the Christ Child. This celebration was also once known as King's Day. As a symbol of this Holy Day, a tiny plastic baby (symbolic of the baby Jesus) is placed inside each King Cake but in times gone past, the hidden items were usually coins, beans, pecans or peas.

Today, the cakes are baked in many shapes but originally, they were round to portray the circular route take by the Magi in order to confuse King Herod, whose army was attempting to follow the Wise Men so that the Christ Child could be killed. The origin of the modern King Cake can be traced back to the Middle Ages, when popular devotion during Christmas turned to the Three Wise Men. In 1871, the tradition of choosing the Queen of Mardi Gras was determined by who drew the prize within the cake. Today, such a find is still deemed to be a sign of good fortune and it is customary for the person who discovers the hidden plastic baby to host the next King Cake Party. (Info from novareinna.com.)

Like a Good Neighbor

I've said it before, and I'll say it again...

Our little subdivision is the best! Friday night, a group of us neighbor gals got together for an evening out. We arrived at 6:30pm and closed the place down! We had the best time--just talking. We discussed current events, our husbands, our children, our jobs, our faves and just about everything under the sun. The night was so much fun that we've already planned our next one!

Thanks for a great evening, ladies!

French Quarter

About ten minutes ago, I received the rest of the Mardi Gras photos. Normally I take all of the photos, but I was on strike during this trip. Suffice it to say that the strike is officially over. Anyway, I wanted to give everyone a better glimpse into the Carnival scene before moving on to the latest and greatest of St. Louis life. So, here you go!

Above: Liliana on my lap, Wade, Sarah (Wade's sis) and Victor outside Cafe du Monde, famous for their beignets (square doughnuts with piles of powdered sugar). Below: our little family enjoys large amounts of sugar. From the look on Wade's face, he was definitely on a sugar high!

More N'awlins Pix

The "W" gals on St. Charles Avenue.

Wade with his wife, bro and sis.

The performer bewilders Liliana.

Even crocs are friendly during Carnival!

Precious moments in the midst of Mardi Gras.

Laissez Les Bons Temps Rouler!.

Let the good times roll! Here we are in N'awlins during Carnival. Liliana really had a great time, despite her "somebody save me" look in this photo!

We just returned from the Deep South, where we celebrated Carnival with family. Wade is from Mississippi, where (believe it or not) schools are closed for three days in recognition of Mardi Gras. We spent most of our time on St. Charles Avenue in New Orleans watching the parades & catching all kinds of crazy throws. Little ones were definitely the big winners as floats passed by. And Liliana was no exception. Here's a taste of the items she received: dozens of unique beads, cups, and doubloons; a baby doll; a $25 box of board books; a porcelain clown; and about 25 stuffed monkeys, jesters, and other assorted animals. After all was said and done, we brought home five heavy bags of loot. Plenty to share with friends and neighbors!

Happy Fat Tuesday!

Loving Motherhood

I heart motherhood! Never before have I learned so much or been so blessed. As I watch my daughter grow and develop, I stand in awe of how we are all so beautifully and wonderfully made. At only three years old, Liliana experiences the entire range of emotions, including empathy, compassion and intense love. It is one of the most fulfilling feelings in the world when I witness Liliana give, share and offer other gestures of kindness and friendship. Motherhood is a dream come true!