State Adoption Sidelined

Just days after submitting our application for a state adoption, we heard from Jennifer, the foster and adoption coordinator at the Missouri Department of Social Services. I was so thrilled to get her voicemail that my mind started spinning out all kinds of potential scenarios. Jennifer and I played phone tag for several days, so I had a substantial period of time to let my mind go crazy. Unfortunately, my excitement came to a screeching halt quickly after Jennifer and I connected.

According to Missouri's rules, families cannot be considered while they are actively working with another agency. Sad, but understandable. Furthermore, infants are rarely eligible for adoption until they reach the age of 15 months. Regardless of the abuse or neglect a parent has shown to previous children, expectant parents have 15 months to show that they have been reformed. So each baby born to an offending mother lives in limbo for over a year of it's life to see if mom or dad can get it together. Sad, and inexcusable.

Having worked with severe cases of child abuse and neglect in the past, I find this policy to be quite disturbing. In my experience, about 1% of unfit parents regain the ability to be healthy caregivers. Even Jennifer agreed that the system is hard to stomach. According to her, the rule exists only to prevent legal appeals, not to protect the best interests of children. So sad.

I am disappointed that we will be unable to adopt through this avenue, but I'm more disgusted with the system. It's so frustrating that the rights of offending parents trump the rights of innocent babies..and, as usual, the people who desire to be parents are sidelined. It's just not right.

There's my soapbox for the day. This is a setback, but I'm not going to let it get me down. I am extremely grateful for where we are, and I'm even more hopeful for the future.