Adoption Situation

We've had some excitement around here the past couple of days. While we've been nursing Liliana back to health (after a big, bad case of pink eye and upper respiratory infection), we've also been deliberating about an adoption situation. We were given 48 hours (the deadline was noon today) to consider the information presented to us and make a determination whether to take the next step.

It's difficult to describe the process we just went through--and what we undergo each time we receive a situation from our social worker at Bethany. In order to understand our thoughts and emotions, you'll need to know the kind of information we receive. Although I don't plan to share all future descriptions, I thought it would be helpful for you to see one example. Here's what we received Wednesday, exactly as it was written:

Due Date - 3/15/08
Gender/Race of Baby- Female, Caucasian
Description - Expectant mom is receiving prenatal care. She is choosing not to name the birthfather. Legal risk period will be 30 days after birth. She reports no drug or alcohol use during the pregnancy, but has struggled with drug addiction in the past. Expectant mom has been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Mixed Personality Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, and ADHD. The second diagnosis can be described as an unspecified disorder that does not meet diagnostic criteria for a specific personality disorder. She has been on antidepressant medication during pregnancy, closely monitored by her doctor. Also, the expectant mother's biological mom has bipolar disorder. Expectant mother wants baby to be placed outside of the state. She would like pictures and letters of baby as baby grows up.

(This is an out-of-state adoption situation. I specifically chose not to share the location in order to ensure the privacy of the birth mother.)

When I initially read the description, I felt a mixture of excitement and concern. Although I was happy to see no reports of drug, alcohol or nicotine use during pregnancy, I had to acknowledge the slight risks associated with prescription antidepressant medications. Of greater concern was the family history of mental disorders. As mental health professionals, Wade and I understand all of the diagnoses involved, and we have seen these struggles first hand. We also know that the predispositions for mental disorders are inherited (just like heart disease and other physical illnesses). However, having a disease in the family is no guarantee that the child will also suffer from the illness. The predisposition may be present, but a nurturing and supportive environment can limit or completely prevent the symptoms.

My other major concern was the fact that no information was presented about the baby's father. Because we don't know anything, we have to be ready for everything. As Wade and I discussed all of the possibilities, we realized that there's always going to be a leap of faith involved. We're never going to know every piece of information, and we ultimately have to leave the baby's future health in God's hands.

As we wrestled with our major concerns, we also had to consider several other factors: the timing of this placement, required out-of-state travel, financial preparations and the level of openness desired by the birth mother. The travel isn't a huge issue, because we have friends in the birth mother's area. Although it would require planning and time off for Wade, we'd be able to handle it. The due date is just around the corner, but we've been preparing for months. To be honest, we were ready yesterday! Financially, we still are still working to acquire the necessary funds without incurring debt. However, we'll take out a loan if need be. As far as the mother's desire for pictures and letters is concerned, we're happy to oblige. And we'd be thrilled with a boy or a girl, so gender is not a deciding factor.

After careful and prayerful deliberation, we felt led to proceed. With this decision comes the willingness to welcome this child into our family...very soon. Additionally, we must prepare to travel on short notice at least twice, possibly for upwards of two weeks at a time. Finally, we must do what it takes financially.

So what happens next? Sometime next week, the expectant mother will view our profile. In this particular situation, the mother may view literally hundreds of profiles (this is not typical--usually 5-7 profiles are shown). Because 75 Bethany offices received the situation, and each office sent out the info to all of their actively waiting families--this expectant mother could have 75+ booklets by next week. That's a huge number of families to consider! Since the baby's due date is only a month away, I'm sure she'll be making her decision as quickly as possible. If it's a match, we should know right away. If it's not, we may not hear anything for a couple of weeks.

The situation is now out of our hands and completely resting in God's. He led us to this point, and now all we can do is wait. We know that He has set this child apart for a specific family, and He will make the perfect match. Should He choose our home, we will be ecstatic. Should it be another, we will have total peace. Please pray that God's will be done in this situation and that we continue to honor and glorify Him throughout this process.

Blessings to all! Ramona