Bittersweet Days

I haven't said much about our upcoming Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET), because I've been trying to focus my thoughts on life's little joys instead of the daunting procedure ahead. With plenty of exciting activities on our calendar the past few weeks, it's been fairly easy to keep my mind occupied. But now I can't help but contemplate the road ahead. We're less than 72 hours away from my hospital visit, and the preparations are in full swing.

With the big event drawing near, my emotions have been running the spectrum. Although I am hopeful that the FET will lead to a pregnancy, I am also afraid of a negative outcome. Since this is our last assisted reproductive procedure, there is more riding on it than ever before. In addition, I am supposed to be stress free--both before and after the procedure. Apparently Murphy's Laws are in full effect, because our life has been anything but relaxing the past few days.

Liliana has been sick since Tuesday evening, and she has been miserable. Her coughing bouts were so severe last night that I was in her room every 15 minutes. No exaggeration. I tried bringing her into bed with me, but she had even more trouble sleeping in our room. We pray that tonight will be much better. Caring for a sick child is both emotionally and physically draining.

Even worse, my mom called me Thursday afternoon with the sad news that my Gramcracker is dying. It seems that she has no more desire to fight. According to the hospice nurse, Gram has less than a week to live. Mom is in Michigan with her right now, and things continue to go down hill. Please pray for my family as we try to celebrate her life while grieving her final days. Losing a loved one is difficult on so many levels.

On a positive note, Wade's parents have arrived in St. Louis. Once again, they have graciously accepted the role of caring for Liliana during my hospital stay and recuperation. What a blessing they have been throughout our fertility treatments!

Praying for healing, peace, sleep and babies. ~Ramona