On the Road Again!

Liliana and I accompanied Wade on yet another work trip last week. This time we visited the Illinois cities of Peoria and Chicago, creating adventures all along the way. In Peoria, Liliana had a comfortable view from the jogging stroller as we galavanted around the downtown area. The riverfront had a great walking path with several parks for Liliana to climb and play. And, of course, she had a ball in the hotel pool.

In Chicago, we were excited to dine at our fave, the Grand Lux Cafe, and spend time with friends at the Lincoln Park Zoo. Here we are in front of a beautiful botanical display--one of dozens on Michigan Avenue. Can you tell that we just enjoyed the most delicious brunch known to mankind? The night before, we walked to the Taste of Chicago in Grant Park. What a mad crowd! I've never seen so many people trying to get a slice of deep dish pizza!

While Liliana and I hung out with my college friend, Tiffani and her girls, Wade had an opportunity to play golf. It was his second outing of the trip...so he was lovin' it! Here's Liliana with her new pal, Maddi. They're pretending to be baby beavers, like those in the exhibit behind them.

Below, the friends are joined by little Kayla (Maddi's sister) in a sculpture near the zoo cafe. The girls had a wonderful time, and I enjoyed catching up with my friend of 18 years (wow, that seems like a long time). Here's to old friends and good times!

What's In A Name?

Just to clear up any confusion..Leila is pronounced Ly-la, not Lay-la. And no, we did not seek out "L" names. In fact, the runner-up started with "V." We love the sophistication and playfulness of the name, Leila, and we chose to honor the birthmother, Dana, by incorporating the name she chose (Madeline) as the middle name. Leila Madeline, come home soon and come home to stay!

Trusting and Proceeding

When you begin the adoption process, professionals tell you that it's going to be a much more difficult process than you'd think...and they're not kidding. We haven't known a single dull moment since we started down this road, and this week has been wildly emotional.

After Monday's startling & disappointing news, we regrouped, gathered information and prayerfully considered the situation. We realized that we have absolutely no control over the success of this adoption...it's all in God's hands. And we basically have two options: jump ship or trust the Lord and charge forward. So, full speed ahead!

This challenge has shown us our deep level of commitment to Leila and Dana, while helping us to place complete trust in God's plan. We are answering His call, no matter where it may lead. While we have no assurances about our future with Leila, we have total peace about our decision to proceed.

So here's the status: At this point, Dana has asked us to be present for Leila's birth (which is so exciting and could happen any day now). When she is discharged from the hospital, we will bring her home and into our family. As difficult as it may be, we intend to think of her as "ours for now" until the adoption is final. And every day, we'll pray Leila is home to stay!

Leila Madeline

This morning--with great expectation--we named our baby girl Leila Madeline. For us, giving her a name emotionally secured her place in our family. We referred to her by name throughout the day, and it felt so good...and right.

Several hours later, we learned of complications that may seriously jeopardize the adoption. Our social worker classified the situation as "highly, highly risky" and recommended that we reconsider our plans to bring Leila home from the hospital (and instead, place her in interim foster care). We are deeply saddened by this turn of events, and turn to the Lord for guidance, wisdom and a miraculous outcome.

As we try to make sense of this disappointing news, I know in my heart that God's plan is good (even if it feels rotten right now). I think to myself (wishfully, perhaps), "Maybe this is a crazy blessing in disguise. Or maybe this is His way of adding more drama to heighten the impact of a happy ending." Maybe. Hopefully.

It's time to pray boldly. Please pray that Leila comes home to us and that this recent development is an unexpected means to that end. Please pray for our hearts. We want to be faithful and trusting, We want to pray that His will be done. But at the same time, we don't feel ready for the impact of another loss. Quite honestly, we're tired of grieving. Our family is incomplete, and we're painfully aware of it every day.

Thank you for walking along side us,
Ramona

Fighting Fires and Carseats

After a brutal brawl with a viral infection, Liliana is officially on the mend. Here she is at Valley Park Fire District open house, where she fought "fires," drove the giant fire engine and posed for photo ops with mommy.

Our main mission was to have the infant car seats installed by a professional (thanks, Kyle), and we serendipitously discovered a world of fun with our local firefighters.

After witnessing two strong and thoroughly trained professionals (80, yes 80 hours of practice) push and pull for 30 minutes to properly install car seat bases in our vehicles, I have just question: Why should we be surprised that 85% of car seats are incorrectly installed by parents?

At least I can check one more thing off of my To Do list!

Careening

For the past few days, my emotions have been careening between pure elation and unsettling doubt & fear. Although I'd love to keep living in bliss, I know that's not a realistic residence for an adoptive mama-to-be. At this point, I'll settle for a happy medium of cautious optimism.

The negative onslaught of feelings is due to the realization that we could be setting ourselves up for a monumental loss. The birthbather could assert his rights or Dana could change her mind. I've always known it, but I've been applying the knowledge to "birthparents in general," not our baby's birthparents. According to our social worker, about one third of adoptions fall through because the parents change their minds.

If Dana chose to parent, I'd experience a certain amount of happiness for her... but the rest of me would be utterly devastated. It would be another loss...and another period of grief. And I don't think I could handle losing another child. So, I'm trying to prepare myself without getting overwhelmed by fear. This is a difficult situation to reconcile, a major exercise in trusing God and remembering that His plan is perfect. After all, it's not my will, but Thy will be done. Please pray for my heart!

That being said, we continue to lift up the health and development of our baby and her birthmother. She is due two weeks from tomorrow!

One is Silver and the Other Gold

Today we enjoyed a welcome visit from old friends, Marie and Skyla. Even though the girls are three years apart, they had a grand ol' time together. The highlight of their afternoon was playing soccer with the master, Wade. When it comes to sports, he's the most patient and giving teacher around.

While the kids played, Marie and I had an opportunity to catch up and laugh. Thanks for a great time, Marie and Skyla. Let's do it again, soon!

Camels, Goats, Clydesdales..Oh My!

It was a beautiful morning at Grant's Farm, with many unexpected thrills (courtesy of the unpredictable animals).

Left: Liliana poses with a clydesdale at the stable. Below: A camel swings its head around and tries to get fresh with Liliana. Although she loved the gesture, she certainly didn't appreciate his breath!

Play the video below to get a taste of the goat pen, where Liliana fed the goats with bottles and brushed their nappy fur. I've heard goats will eat anything, and this video is proof. So funny.

Hope you enjoy...we did!

My Cup Runneth Over

There are no words to convey the depth of my love for this child. She is an absolute blessing, and I can't wait to meet the precious sister God is preparing for her. At this point, the baby is full term--just three weeks 'til her due date! May God hold her in the palm of His hand until we hold her in our arms.

Foster to Adopt

Whew! What a whirlwind. We've been going nonstop to prepare for the arrival of our little one. In order to bring her directly home from the hospital, Wade and I have to become certified foster parents...which means another mountain of paperwork, CPR/First Aid and coursework. Since we just learned of these new requirements yesterday, I stayed up 'til 2:00am to complete everything--and used up an entire pen in the process! After a private CPR/BFA class on Monday, we'll be on our way to certification!

One week ago, my "To Do" list was two pages long. Now I'm down to five more tasks:
1. Find a stroller that holds a newborn and a 45 pound preschooler.
2. Get diapers and formula.
3. Purchase a special gift for the birthmother, Dana.
4. Locate and install base for car seat.
5. Meet with attorney on Tuesday.

Hopefully we'll feel completely ready by the middle of next week. And God willing, everything will go smoothly. Praying for healthy and safe development and delivery!

Animal Paradise Adventure

I have to rewind to our most recent road trip and share this footage of our adventures at Animal Paradise near Springfield, Missouri.

The first video is sweet, while the second is a little crazy. Enjoy!

A Gift from God

I am on cloud nine right now! We met with our baby's birthmother this evening, and it couldn't have been a more beautiful and fulfilling experience. It is so clear that God has led us to this place in our lives and connected us with this young woman. She is truly a gift. We are totally elated and completely at peace about this process. Praise God for this glorious blessing!

Two Days in Branson

Who knew Branson could be so much fun?

It's a Girl!!!

We are thrilled to announce that we have been matched for adoption, and our baby girl is due on July 7th! Our hearts are overflowing with emotion, and our minds are totally reeling with anticipation.

Boy, did God surprise our socks right off! We had no idea we were even being considered, so we were totally shocked yesterday when we received the news. We are so thankful and humbled that God led the birthmother to choose us, and we are delighted to meet her on Monday afternoon.

This is such a crazy, but welcome whirlwind! And, as with any adoption, there are many factors that must come together before we bring our baby home and finalize the adoption. We pray that God will take care of every little detail and allow the process to go smoothly. We pray that this precious little one continues to experience healthy growth and development, while her mother continues to be blessed in the process. And we pray for wisdom, guidance and peace with the decisions that lie ahead.

Thank you for your prayers, support and love as we take this journey. We are so very blessed!

To Him be all glory,
Ramona

I Can Think Clearly Now, the Pain is Gone

Well, the pain is not gone, but it's much better. I survived the frenzy of medical appointments, tests and treatments, and I'm moving forward. Thank you so much for praying and encouraging me through the past few days. It's been painful, taxing and a little scary. At this point, the docs think I'm suffering from mixed-type migraine headaches, and Sunday's crazy symptoms were likely part of a "complicated" migraine.

The CT Scan was clear and the MRI was fairly unremarkable (bulging disc at C6&7 and acute sinusitis--go figure). The neurologist also ordered an MRA (imaging of the arteries) for Tuesday. He advised me to have more regular osteopathic manipulation for my neck and spine, while taking Topamax daily for prevention of migraines. I say yes to the first recommendation and "not yet" to the second. I prefer the more natural means of getting healthy.

So, we'll see what my good ol' D.O. can do, wait for the results of the MRA...and go from there. Once again, thank you for your kindness and support. And praise God for His continued provisions.

Blessings to you,
Ramona

Doctors and Drugs

I'm in the midst of medical mania. For the past couple weeks, I've been experiencing severe headaches, which I've tried (operative word) to manage with a combination of medication, massage, stretching, exercise, Active-On and prayer. Sunday after church, my headache started raving, and a host of other crazy symptoms joined the party. My right eye went berserk and lost it's ability to see straight, while my brain forgot how to communicate to my mouth. Since my sentences no longer matched my thoughts, some crazy phrases came out. Even Liliana looked at me and said, "Mama, what are you talking about?!" As soon as Wade took one look (and listen) at me, he rushed me to the hospital.

The staff at St. Luke's thought I might be having a stroke, so they hooked me up to a bunch of shiny contraptions, took a CT scan and monitored my vitals. They were so uppity about my condition that they wouldn't even let me go to the potty! After confirming that I wasn't stroking, they observed my behavior, sent blood to the lab and finally let me pee--in a cup! After "resting" in the ER for a few hours and allowing the doctor to experiment with a host of painkillers, I finally went home. I was so thankful that I didn't have to stay overnight as originally expected. My bedroom is much more comfortable and quiet than the hospital.

Since returning home, my life is all about doctors and drugs. Primary doc yesterday, MRI this afternoon and neurologist tomorrow. Lots of medicine in between.

On top of that, I'm supposed to be "taking it easy"--whatever that means for a busy mother with a huge To-Do list, clients to call, an adoption situation stamped "urgent," and a 3.5-year-old who doesn't slow down.

All in all, life is a little overwhelming right now. But I'm so thankful to be feeling a little better, thinking a little more clearly and able to potty whenever I feel like it! Please pray for strength, rest, wisdom and guidance. Your support means the world!

Blessings,
Ramona