HOPEFUL

Wade and I have been married for four years. Throughout that time, we have experienced countless blessings together. Although we've had our share of trials, our years have been quite beautiful. As our love has grown stronger, so grows our dream of a home filled with the laughter of children. Unfortunately, we have come to realize that having a large family may not be in God's plan for us. Early in our marriage we were diagnosed with unexplained infertility. We yearned for a child and experienced a great deal of grief and disappointment each month that passed with no result. After undergoing fertility treatments for over a year and enduring a miscarriage, we were finally blessed with a precious daughter in 2004.

At this point, we have been "trying" for almost two years, with another miscarriage in 2005. Two years may not seem like a long time, but specialists in this field agree that a woman of my age (34) should conceive within one year. We have been working with a highly regarded specialist since January, 2006, and we have exhausted every treatment option except for In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). After much prayer and deliberation, we have decided to undergo IVF. We are currently scheduled for the procedures (egg retrieval and embryo transfer) on December 17 and 20th, respectively. We are very fortunate that our IVF specialist is considered one of the best in the world, and his medical center is located here in St. Louis at St. Luke's Hospital.

IVF is a very intense process. It can be (and usually is) emotionally and physically taxing, and the financial strain is almost overwhelming for a family on a budget. For those of you who don't know, IVF is very expensive ($14-18,000, depending on the medication needs) with around a 50% chance for success. It is a huge risk, but we know it will be worth it. I wouldn't trade my Liliana for the world, and we already feel that way about future children.

I have already begun taking oral and injectable medications to get my cycle aligned with the target dates. On Dec. 4th, I begin two more meds which will stimulate follicle (egg) growth. Daily monitoring by ultrasound and bloodwork begins on Dec. 8th. [Forgive me if this is TMI (too much information), but it comes with the territory. I am now an expert in a field I never intended to master.] I will try to provide daily updates on this site--for both informational and cathartic purposes. Feel free to leave comments, questions and words of encouragement! So far, my emotions have been steady...but I know from months past that the hormones can send me on an emotional rollercoaster. Poor Wade! He has been so supportive and loving throughout this trial. I thank the Lord for him every day.

Thank you for joining me in this process. Your thoughts and well-wishes are truly appreciated!

Blessings,
Ramona

Praise Him In This Storm

Once again, I have a song for you. Throughout our struggle with infertility, this and "If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owens have been instrumental in calming my heart. I hope it speaks to you. If you have the opportunity, listen to the song; the music greatly enhances the lyrics.

PRAISE YOU IN THIS STORM
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms (performed by Casting Crowns)...

I was sure by now, God
You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You
whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"and
as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God
who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise You in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone
how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You
whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God
who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the maker of heaven and earth

I will praise You in this storm.

If You Want Me To

IF YOU WANT ME TO
Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Chorus: Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy You only said I'd never go alone

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to

When I cross over Jordan,
I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
I'm gonna look into Your eyes and see
You never let me down
So take me on the pathway that will lead me home to You
And I will walk through the valley
If You want me to

Yes, I will walk through the valley
If You want me to