Excitement is Building

Hooray for nausea and headache! This is the third day of all-day sickness, which is exactly what I experienced during my three pregnancies. I can't help but think the IVF must have been a success. I am trying to remain calm and collected, but what else could explain the list of symptoms I'm experiencing? I'm getting more excited with each passing day of discomfort.

Tuesday will be the first pregnancy test. Apparently, many false-positives and false-negatives occur during the testing process (due to all of the hormones injected throughout the cycle), so I will repeat the test on Thursday. Right now, I can't imagine that it would be negative...but then again, I've had nothing but difficult news for the last two years. Infertility is tough--tougher than most people imagine. Right now, however, I can rest in the Lord and enjoy the hope of children in 2007. Please pray that the desires of our hearts will come true!

Happy New Year to you and yours. Talk to you in 2007!

Morning Sickness?

Normally I nap during this time of day, but today my slumber was curtailed by severe nausea. That's right--big, bad morning sickness! It started this morning and has fluctuated in intensity throughout the day. In my experience, this is exactly how it feels to be in the early weeks of pregnancy. I currently have all of the symptoms I've had in the past: heartburn, nausea, breast tenderness/pain, vivid dreams and expanding waistline (granted, this may very well be caused by excessive consumption of holiday goodies).

I am doing my best to stay calm...but it's difficult not to assume that pregnancy is the reason for my list of symptoms. I'm remaining cautiously optimistic...with optimism pulling ahead of caution today.

Four days from now, Wade and I will know for certain. We will certainly rejoice if the test is positive, but we will not be able to rest easy. Two of my three pregnancies ended in miscarriage around 7-8 weeks. So if I am pregnant, we will remain somewhat guarded through the first trimester.

The great news is that it's all in God's hands, either way. Praise the Lord for giving me more hope today and wonderful friends with whom to share it!

Waiting is the Hardest Part

Hope you had a wonderful Christmas! We sure did. Wade, Liliana and I put 1100 miles on the Camry over the week, traveling to Michigan, Indiana and the Chicago area. We had the opportunity to spend lots of time with family and friends, which is our favorite aspect of the holiday season.

As much as we love jetting about the country, we are relieved to be home now. It will be nice to have four days to relax together. Wade and I are hooked on the series 24, and we're watching several episodes each night. It's highly addictive. I recommend it!

We're anxiously awaiting our pregnancy test on Jan. 2nd. Although two weeks doesn't seem like a long time in the grand scheme of things, it sure does crawl by each month that we wait for the final outcome.

At this point, we are cautiously optimistic. I have been experiencing the typical symptoms of pregnancy every day, but I don't want to assume anything. It's very possible that the progesterone shots may be the culprit. Please pray that I am carrying a child (or two) and that everything is healthy!

Bless you, and thank you for stopping by.

My Favorite

Here's my favorite photo ever. I just had to share it!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

The Christmas season is my absolute favorite time of year. I love the hustle and bustle, spending time with family and taking time to enjoy God's gifts. I have been listening to Christmas music since Thanksgiving (poor Wade), because it evokes in me feelings of peace and joy regardless of what's going on at that moment.

Today we embark on our annual trip to Michigan. In case I don't have another opportunity to write before the 25th, I wish you the very best holiday. May your festivities be joyous and grand! May the Lord richly bless you and yours.

With love and gratitude, Ramona

The Saga Continues

Today we sadly say goodbye to Grammy and Grandfather, who are ending their week's stay. They have been helpful beyond description, and we have appreciated every minute.

As for the IVF front, the pain in my abdomen is gradually decreasing, while a rash has emerged on my chest. Doc Pineda is tyring to figure out the cause so that it does not grow into a larger problem. I thought it was a minor issue, but he's concerned that it may cause breathing difficulty or anaphylactic shock. The primary suspect is low-dose aspirin, which I began taking yesterday morning (to help thin my blood due to MTHFR deficiency). The Progesterone injections shouldn't be the culprit, since I've already been taking them for a week.

Wade and I are hopeful that two embryos have found a warm place to nestle in for the next nine months. God willing, we'll be sharing good news with you on January 2nd. Until then, I must eat, drink, sleep and act like I'm pregnant so that I create the best environment for my little ones.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support! Ramona

Two Embryos

Okay, who forgot to pray? We were hoping and praying for at least six viable embryos, and we had only two. While I was grateful to learn that we had two healthy embryos for transfer today, I must admit that I was also quite disappointed and discouraged that we would have nothing to freeze (especially with 26 follicle and 11 mature eggs). After I grieved the negative aspects and was able to really focus on the positive, Wade jokingly said, "Okay, who forgot to pray?" With my sense of humor still intact, I thought it would be a good way to break the ice on tonight's blog.

This morning's embryo transfer was smooth and successful. Praise the Lord for that. I had two hours to lie in the hospital and listen to my favorite music before the procedure. When the Dream Team came in, I was almost asleep. In fact, my blood pressure was only 96/74. It probably went up a bit in the operating room when I had to let it all hang out under a spotlight with six people in the room. I had to close my eyes and find a happy place. If that situation isn't stressful, I don't know what is!

After all of the time and shots and procedures, now we have to wait for two weeks. I still take three oral medications each day, and Wade gives me an injection of Progesterone every night. Please pray that I am pregnant with a baby (or two) right now and that they grow and develop in a healthy way. January 2nd is our big day.

Thanks again for your support and prayers. Happy Holidays! Ramona

It's All Worth It!

What a blessing it has been to have Dad and Mom Wicht here this week. I am so grateful! Liliana has soaked up every moment with them: pretending to cook jambalaya and ettoufe', playing with little people for hours and reading books in very dramatic fashion. Although she relishes the attention of the family, she definitely knows that something is awry. She has given Mommy the cold shoulder and tested limits more than ever. Toddlers are very perceptive.

The pain has intensified since yesterday morning. Whew! I didn't realize that I'd be totally out of commission for a few days. In addition to the post-op discomfort, I have a new side effect: sore and bruised hips from Progesterone injections. Because the Progesterone is in oil and injected IM, the shots make their presence known. But as I keep repeating, it's all worth it!

Wednesday morning at 7:30am is the embryo transfer. As usual, I am required to be there at 6:00am (most of you know that I am not exactly a morning person, so this is no treat). At least I'll be too tired to be anything but calm. We don't know the specifics, but we do know that fertilization occurred. The Dream Team will give us all of the details (i.e., how many embryos were fertilized and how many remain viable) Wednesday morning. Please keep praying for many viable embryos.

I know I've said it many times, but I have to thank you for taking a moment out of your busy holiday schedule to read this post and to pray for us. You are part of the reason this journey has been so rewarding and pleasant.

God bless you! Ramona

Pray for Viable Embryos

The hardest part is over. Today's surgery was a bigger deal than I anticipated. Full anesthesia, operating room, team of doctors and nurses, etc. My sweet husband was by my side as I recovered, while Grammy and Grandfather took care of the homefront.

I must admit that I experienced more pain and discomfort than I expected, both before and after the procedure. When I awoke from sedation, I was also a bit emotional and teary. I asked Wade to call home so I could hear Liliana's precious voice. When she got on the phone, she said something she's never said before, "Kisses, Mommy! Kisses!" It was such a tender moment, exactly what I needed at the time.

The Dream Team (as I affectionately call Dr. Pineda and Dr. Silber) performed the extraction this morning and retrieved 11 eggs. Although I was hoping for closer to 15, 11 is a very respectable number.

Now we wait to see how many eggs are fertilized. Apparently, some will not become embryos due to lack of maturity and/or issues with DNA. According to Dr. Silber, very few eggs are destined to become a viable embryo when fertilized. The more I know about fertility, the more I understand how miraculous every child is. All of the conditions have to be absolutely perfect for conception and healthy development of a fetus. It's mind-blowing.

Please pray that the conditions are perfect for us on Wednesday when the embryos are transferred into my lining. Specifically, pray that at least 6 embryos are viable for transfer. If we should be so blessed, our plan would be to transfer 2 on Wednesday and freeze 4 for later use. Having frozen embryos allows us to undergo 2 more transfers in the future without having to go through the entire painful and expensive process all over again. And, of course, our overall prayer is that this transfer results in one or more healthy pregnancies.

We truly appreciate every person who takes the time to read this blog, pray for us or give us encouragement. You mean so much to us!

May the Lord richly bless you! Ramona

Princess for a day

What a day! I love having family in town, especially when they are here to help. With extra caregivers in the house, I have had my first real opportunity for "me time" in years. Woohoo!

Mothers, just imagine a world in which you are able to take a long, relaxing shower in the morning...even after the kids are awake. You take your time getting ready without a single voice yelling, "Mommy!" or "Honey!" You nap for almost two hours in the afternoon, just because you're feeling a bit tired. Homemade meals are prepared for you around the clock. The kitchen cleans itself. Imagine the stress melting away. Ahhh...total calm. This was my reality today. Although it is temporary, I feel like royalty!

Wade and I are very thankful for the outpouring of support and love we continue to experience throughout this process. Thank you for your prayers and cards. Thank you to those who have written comments here and to our personal email. We appreciate it more than you know!

Tomorrow is one of our two big days with IVF. Please pray that the doctors will extract 15+ eggs and that many embryos will result from fertilization. The more we have, the more chances for children in the future.

Hope you have a great weekend.
Lots of love,
Ramona

IVF 101

All systems are go! I completed my regimen of follicle stimulating medications last night. This evening, I inject HCG intramuscularly (yikes) to help the eggs prepare for release. Saturday is completely free from injections. And bright and early Sunday morning (6:00am) I go into the hospital for egg extraction.

As of yesterday, I had 26 measurable follicles that are steadily reaching maturity. According to the IVF team, not all follicles will contain an egg. But considering that the goal is 10-15 eggs, 26 follicles is an excellent place to start. Some women have only a few. Drs. Silber and Pineda will perform the extraction Sunday, and they'll tell me how many mature eggs were aspirated.

Then, on Monday afternoon, I will find out how many embryos resulted from the ICSI process. ICSI is intracytoplasmic sperm injection, in which each egg is fertilized with a single swimmer. For the next couple of days, the "pre-embryos" are given time for cell division.

On Wednesday, two of the remaining (some don't thrive) and most viable pre-embryos are transferred into my uterine lining. The rest are frozen (a non-technical term for a very elaborate medical process) for later use. God willing, the transfer will result in a pregnancy. If not, we will transfer two more frozen "snowflakes" as soon as possible.

IVF is such an amazing process. God has really allowed technology to do great things.

Please pray that the Lord will bless our IVF and grant us a child (or two). Wade and I truly appreciate your prayer and support.

Bless you! Ramona

It is Well

"Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body." -Elizabeth Stone

Any loving parent would say this is true. And for me, having a child was the best decision I've ever made. There is nothing more challenging and rewarding than parenthood. That's why I'm so willing to go through the pain and discomfort of IVF.

So far, the process has been a bit of a rollercoaster, but nothing unbearable. It would be much easier if I weren't battling this upper respiratory infection. Today I have the abdomen (and the waddle) of a woman in her 2nd trimester. Bending over is tough and chasing a toddler is out of the question. We have called in the parental troops to help us get through the next week.

In addition to taking two oral medications and three meds by injection, I go to St. Luke's Hospital each morning for bloodwork and ultrasound monitoring. You know it's your 2nd home when the nurses and technicians greet you by name.

At this point, follicle stimulation is going smoothly. A great number of follicles are reaching maturity, and my hormone levels are in the normal range. Now the big question is when the egg aspiration and embryo transfer will take place. I should know the dates & times by this afternoon.

Thanks for continuing to lift us up in prayer. It is so evident that God is blessing this process. Now let's pray He grants us a pregnancy!

Bless you! Ramona

Standing Still

Here I am, less than a week away from the big dance. My spirits are high, which says a great deal considering I have aching muscles, a stuffy nose and ovaries the size of grapefruits. I am quite uncomfortable sitting, lying down or moving--which pretty much leaves standing still the only remaining option. And standing still doesn't really fit in with the active lifestyle of a 2-year-old.

Medically, Dr. Silber's team think "things look really good." I have 18+ follicles getting ready for aspiration on Sunday, and I'm doing my best to stay positive and calm. The doctor says that being calm is the most important ingredient to a successful IVF (and here I always thought it was the merging of eggs and sperm). Calm...hmm, I wonder when Dr. Silber last tried to wrangle a toddler. Serenity is difficult to achieve, but I'm doing pretty well given the circumstances.

Today we have had a reading marathon. My personal favorite (in Liliana language) is "Beauty and the Beef." She also loves to watch "DBDs" and use colored "pentils" in her favorite colors: hot pink, cotton candy and brownie. Her favorite songs are "Santa Bebe" and "Ipsy Bipsy Spider." Oh to be young again!

I came across the following poem today. There's a similar and more powerful version written by Erma Bombeck, but this one is blog-able:

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.

~Diane Loomans, from "If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again"

Hope you have a wonderful day!
God bless you and yours,
Ramona

Overjoyed

I feel so blessed! God has created a miraculous change in my body, and I'm completely overjoyed. As of Friday, my uterine lining was 4mm--much too thin for implantation of embryos--and now it is 8.3mm! The ultrasound technician couldn't believe the dramatic change, so she measured it a second time just to be sure. Praise the Lord--this kind of transformation can only be from Him!

Additionally, the ultrasound showed 18+ follicles that are growing steadily. That's a very good thing. I'll know more about the hormone levels and the overall progress this afternoon when I speak with Dr. Silber's team.

Because of the positive change in my lining, I will now be able to undergo the egg aspiration and empbryo transfer this month. The target dates remain the same (Dec. 17th and 20th, respectively), and we are thankful that Dad and Mom Wicht will be coming to help during that time.

Please pray that things will continue to go well and that IVF will lead to a child (or two)! Also, pray that my health will improve, as I am battling an upper respiratory infection.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support. May Christ's love fill your heart this Advent season!
Ramona

The Drama Unfolds

Another day of enjoying the holiday season and baking with my little helper, Liliana. Today she discovered the joy of licking the spoon after mixing cookie dough. She is such a precious gift, especially in the midst of these topsy-turvy days. Tender moments with Liliana are constant reminders of the reason we are so willing to go through difficult treatments to have more children. There is nothing on earth better than being a mommy.

Things are looking up on the IVF front. I had bloodwork and an ultrasound this morning, and the results were better than anticipated. As of yesterday, even the great Dr. Silber was unable to explain the bleeding. The nurse said they had never seen anything quite like it. Through analysis of my hormone levels and ultrasound images, today Dr. Silber concluded that my uterine lining was shedding (hence, the bleeding) at a very odd time in the cycle. As a result, the lining is now only 4mm. It needs to be 8mm in order for embryo implantation to occur. Everything else looked great: multiple follicles are growing (slowly but surely) and hormone levels were within normal ranges.

All in all, we plan to charge full speed ahead, praying that at least 10 eggs mature (preferably more) in time for extraction and that my lining doubles in size by Dec. 20th. If the lining does not reach 8mm, Dr. Silber will extract the eggs, fertilize them and freeze them for a later transfer. The freezing technology is so advanced that less than 1% of "pre-embryos" are lost during the process. Worst case scenario: we create embryos this month and transfer them at a later date. Although that situation would be somewhat disappointing (since we'd really love the New Year's gift of pregnancy), we still wouldn't lose all the time, effort and resources we've invested so far. We're very thankful for that!

Please pray specifically that at least 10 eggs will be viable at the time of extraction (Dec. 17th) and that my lining would be ideal for implantation of embryos (Dec. 20th).

I truly feel the Lord's hand guiding this situation. And although I don't understand all the drama, I do know that He has something wonderful in store for us.

Say tuned...

Heavy Hearted

My heart is very heavy today. On this day last year, my father passed away...and all of the emotions associated with his life and death have suddenly come to the surface. I'm not very good at being sad. I come from a long line of strong and independent women, so it's uncomfortable for me to experience sorrow. I'm also a very positive person, so feeling down doesn't really fit in to my agenda. Rather than allowing myself to be in the moment, I'd much rather focus on the needs of others so that I can minimize my own grief.

That being said, things aren't going well on the IVF front. The bleeding has been very heavy since yesterday morning. Dr. Silber's IVF team can't figure out why this is happening. They're going to meet with Dr. Silber this afternoon to confer about this anomaly. They are supposed to call me back before the close of business today.

In God's perfect timing, Casting Crowns' "Praise You in this Storm" just began playing on JoyFM as I sit here needing to do exactly that. [Scroll down to see the lyrics to the song in my 2nd post.] Now I can't help but smile and thank the Lord for the many, many blessings in my life. Speaking of which, my precious Liliana is dancing around on the bed shouting, "Wiggle, wiggle!" What a joy.

Time to jump on the bed like a two-year-old and forget my cares for awhile. Thank you for being here.

Welcome to the IVF Rollercoaster

I awoke this morning to the alarm of cramping and heavy bleeding. The nurse at Dr. Silber's office told me that we should be able to locate the cause during my ultrasound Friday morning. In the meantime, I am supposed to continue with the medication regimen. Although the nurse told me "not to be too concerned," I don't have a good feeling about this (yes, I know feelings can't always be trusted). I am concerned that whatever is causing this bleeding may result in the cancellation of our IVF. If that happens, the procedure will be postponed indefinitely, and we will lose a great deal of time and money.

I guess I have just embarked on the emotional rollercoaster of IVF. I must say that I didn't expect for it to take such a dramatic turn right out of the gate. Even though I feel anxious about this complication, I know that God is in control and that His plan is better than anything I could devise. Please pray that the cause of the bleeding is not serious and that the IVF process would continue and be successful. Also, pray that God will grant me peace of mind and stamina to take care of Liliana and the many items on my "to do" list.

Thanks for your support!
Blessings,
Ramona

Tender Moments

This day was filled with sweet moments. This morning, Liliana helped me with holiday baking. She stood on a chair next to me and mixed ingredients together as I poured them into the bowl. She was so precious with a big spoon in her hand and batter on her tiny fingers. Later, my little helper was also very eager to do laundry. I started the water and added detergent while she threw each piece of clothing high in the air, hoping it would drop into the washing machine. When it came time to fold clothes, she thought it would be fun to hide under the piles and "try on" Mommy and Daddy's articles. Although it wasn't the most efficient laundry session I've ever experienced, it was definitely comical and memorable.

On to IVF: After two evenings of running a virtual pharmacy out of our home, I'm feeling pretty comfortable with vials and needles. With the rate I'm going through syringes and supplies, I suppose we ought to get one of those handy sharps disposal containers.

Someone mentioned that hot flashes may be a side effect of the meds, but I haven't experienced anything like that (I have had them on Progesterone, however). Instead of anything mood related today, vivid and strange dreams disturbed my sleep. I awoke this morning feeling as if I slept 3 hours. And then, after a short afternoon nap (which is a must after spending the day on high alert with my wild and wacky two-year-old), I felt like I had been flattened by a steamroller. My mind was awake, but I couldn't move my body for quite some time. I spent the remainder of the evening pining for Zzzzzs. All in all, it wasn't bad for the first day adjusting to heavy doses of hormones. I look forward to seeing what's in store for tomorrow!

Oh, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that Wade was very sweet this evening in the midst of my exhaustion. He hand-delivered Christmas cards to our neighbors for me and made omelettes for dinner. He's so generous!

I'm going turn in now. Yes, 10:00pm is very early for a night-owl like me.

Many blessings to you,
Ramona

Let's get this party started!

Good news! During my last ultrasound, the radiology technician observed 11 antral follicles in each ovary. That's 22, which is great! Antral follicles are small follicles (about 2-8 mm in diameter) that we can see with ultrasound. Antral follicle counts are a good predictor of the number of mature follicles that will be stimulated in a woman's ovaries when the injectable FSH medications are administered for in vitro fertilization (IVF). Each follicle holds an egg, which will be extracted and fertilized. Having 22 antral follicles is classified in the category that has the best overall pregnancy rates for IVF. Thank the Lord!

Today things get serious on the medication front. For the past two weeks, my daily regimen consisted of a prescription prenatal vitamin, a supplement called Folgard to correct an enzyme (MTHFR) deficiency, and Lupron injections. Lupron suppresses my own hormones so that they don't interfere with the IVF process. Tonight I add Follistim and Menopur, both follicle stimulating hormones (FSH). That will make a total of two oral meds and 3 injections each day.

Thankfully I feel pretty comfortable administering injections after almost a year of other infertility treatments. Although I have never mixed or injected Menopur-which is a bit complicated-I have experience with the others. Additionally, Wade and I attended a one-hour medication administration lesson with a nurse at St. Luke's where we practiced giving shots to a styrofoam cup. I must say it's a bit more painful to inject them in my own abdomen every night. As we always said during diving practice in college, "No pain, no gain!"

Things are starting to get interesting. Please pray that my mood would stay level. I've been feeling a bit cranky, and I don't want to be a cranky wife or mommy! Stay tuned...

Thanks for being here!
Ramona

Thankful

As I gear up for the hormonal rollercoaster that begins Monday, I find myself with mixed emotions. Although I have some fear of the unkown (i.e., how my body will physically respond to the heavy doses of medication & what exactly will happen to my balance of hormones), I am mostly excited and thankful.

My excitement comes from the prospect of pregnancy and the possibility of twins. Wade and I long for another child, and I would so love to give Liliana the gift of a brother or sister (or some combination of the two)! I feel so blessed to have this opportunity, even if it means significant pain and discomfort or personally experiencing Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde. It will all be worth it.

IVF is a major event in our lives. This process is a natural cause of emotional, physical and financial stress for anyone who goes through it. However, it is not the central focus of our lives. Some women get so focused on the IVF process and their own desire to conceive that they lose sight of what is really important. Thankfully, God continually impresses upon me the need to keep things in perpective.

Today I am especially thankful for the blessings in my life, and my prayers are not for myself. There are so many around us that have needs greater than our own. Specifically, I lift up my dear friend Kate who, at 33, struggles with brain cancer. I pray for Karen, whose tiny daughter is struggling for survival. I lift up Hope, who is pregnant and in the hospital, waiting for doctors to tell her what may be wrong with her or her unborn child. I pray that God will grant each of them comfort and strength during their trials and that all of their lives would be saved.

My hope, especially during this holiday season, is that we all will remember the needs of others and give generously of our time, resources and love.

May God richly bless you and yours,
Ramona

HOPEFUL

Wade and I have been married for four years. Throughout that time, we have experienced countless blessings together. Although we've had our share of trials, our years have been quite beautiful. As our love has grown stronger, so grows our dream of a home filled with the laughter of children. Unfortunately, we have come to realize that having a large family may not be in God's plan for us. Early in our marriage we were diagnosed with unexplained infertility. We yearned for a child and experienced a great deal of grief and disappointment each month that passed with no result. After undergoing fertility treatments for over a year and enduring a miscarriage, we were finally blessed with a precious daughter in 2004.

At this point, we have been "trying" for almost two years, with another miscarriage in 2005. Two years may not seem like a long time, but specialists in this field agree that a woman of my age (34) should conceive within one year. We have been working with a highly regarded specialist since January, 2006, and we have exhausted every treatment option except for In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). After much prayer and deliberation, we have decided to undergo IVF. We are currently scheduled for the procedures (egg retrieval and embryo transfer) on December 17 and 20th, respectively. We are very fortunate that our IVF specialist is considered one of the best in the world, and his medical center is located here in St. Louis at St. Luke's Hospital.

IVF is a very intense process. It can be (and usually is) emotionally and physically taxing, and the financial strain is almost overwhelming for a family on a budget. For those of you who don't know, IVF is very expensive ($14-18,000, depending on the medication needs) with around a 50% chance for success. It is a huge risk, but we know it will be worth it. I wouldn't trade my Liliana for the world, and we already feel that way about future children.

I have already begun taking oral and injectable medications to get my cycle aligned with the target dates. On Dec. 4th, I begin two more meds which will stimulate follicle (egg) growth. Daily monitoring by ultrasound and bloodwork begins on Dec. 8th. [Forgive me if this is TMI (too much information), but it comes with the territory. I am now an expert in a field I never intended to master.] I will try to provide daily updates on this site--for both informational and cathartic purposes. Feel free to leave comments, questions and words of encouragement! So far, my emotions have been steady...but I know from months past that the hormones can send me on an emotional rollercoaster. Poor Wade! He has been so supportive and loving throughout this trial. I thank the Lord for him every day.

Thank you for joining me in this process. Your thoughts and well-wishes are truly appreciated!

Blessings,
Ramona

Praise Him In This Storm

Once again, I have a song for you. Throughout our struggle with infertility, this and "If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owens have been instrumental in calming my heart. I hope it speaks to you. If you have the opportunity, listen to the song; the music greatly enhances the lyrics.

PRAISE YOU IN THIS STORM
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms (performed by Casting Crowns)...

I was sure by now, God
You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You
whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"and
as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God
who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise You in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone
how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You
whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God
who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the maker of heaven and earth

I will praise You in this storm.

If You Want Me To

IF YOU WANT ME TO
Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Chorus: Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy You only said I'd never go alone

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to

When I cross over Jordan,
I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
I'm gonna look into Your eyes and see
You never let me down
So take me on the pathway that will lead me home to You
And I will walk through the valley
If You want me to

Yes, I will walk through the valley
If You want me to